My users are "Freakin' Morans!"

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

Just spent 20 minutes instructing someone in how to create an Outlook archive.pst file, save it to the desktop, fill with email, and then burn to disk. It wouldn't have been so difficult but apparently, not only can this person not follow directions, but she can't read! I have them open the Outlook Data Files window. Tell them to click on Add button on the right side.

(L)user: "I don't see an Add button."

Me: You're in the Outlook Data Files window?

(L)user: "No, I brought up properties of my In Box."

Me: Ok, go back to the main Outlook Window.

(L)user: "Which one is that?"

Me: It's the one that says Microsoft Outlook on the top.

(L)user: "I don't see that."

Aaaugh!

And to top it off, she's getting these instructions to give to a co-worker who's 'too busy' to call in themselves. I know this 'busy' person will call in soon, once they try to decipher the instructions from this brain stem-less wonder I've been dealing with. I figure they're dabbed in monkey-poo on a banana peel.

Looks like it's going to be another day of customers trying to eat my brain.

Yesterday:

Me: Ok, are there any lights showing on the printer? (HP CLJ 2500)

(L)user: "Yes."

Me: ...(waits for more than one syllable, apparently in vain)...um, can you tell me what they look like?

(L)user: "Yes."

Me: ...and?

(L)user: "There's an orange one next to the color toner picture."

Me: Pulls magic wand from ass and zaps a KitchenAid Mix Master onto users head, set to frappé.

somebody found a jargon dictionary....

[hisamishness.livejournal.com]

Verbatim:

"user is requesting SMTP be activated so that they may be able to scan to email from printer"

And to think that I was just telling a co-worker that we needed to develope drinking problems to handle this place.

(no subject)

[angelofastheny.livejournal.com]

Backstory: I do University tech support for faculty and staff members.

Me - I don't feel good but I'll paint on a smile anyway.
Client - I'm not prejudiced, I swear.

M:*standard opening*
Client: Hi, I'd like to talk to whoever assigns the names of websites for departments.
M: Well what seems to be the problem?
C: When you google our web address from the school home page, it associates our department with the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Resources. And I have nothing against people of other sexual orientations, but I'd rather people not see that associated with the financial aid department.
M: *googles the page* Maam, the first result is the Academic Advising page. It just so happens to include the GLBT Resources in the description because it's in alphabetical order and Financial Aid comes right before GLBT Resources.
C: Well isn't there any way you can change that?
M: *thinks to self "Google writes the descriptions, not us. And I think people can figure it out if the click on the link. It's a DIRECTORY. You're not "associated" with them. They go in alphabetical order. You could get whoever created that site to remove your name from it, but then people won't be able to find you! It's pointless to want to change your web address just so you don't show up next to LGBT Resources!!!!1111!!!1!" Well, I can transfer you up to the person that creates the websites.
C: Thank you so very much!