I don't have the patience for this today.

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

 Q: I have counterspy and AVG and  Zone Alarm; however, Zone Alarm doesn't support Win 98 anymore. Is there a free firewall that does?

A: Can you recommend a christmas gift for my 54 year old father under $100 who really doesn't have any hobbies other than playing Free Cell online because I am too busy answering stupid ass questions like this because you are too lazy or ignorant to do it yourself?

Supportbitch Presents: Things Not To Say In Interveiws

[supportbitch.livejournal.com]

$COMPANY has been interveiwing since the week of Thanksgiving. I've seen 2-4 people a day since then, plus a million or so at the career fair that we put on. I'm so burnt out on people that I feel like I'm gonna snap at any minute. We have three more--one more today, then two Monday. After that, we're done until March or April...at which point we start agian. PLEASE GOD MAKE IT END.

I interveiw these peopl and I think to myself "Why? Why are you even bothering interveiwing?" There was one guy who obviously padded his resume and knew NOTHING. And WTF did a PhD want with a level 1 front line tech support job?

And there was the woman who looked up "I'm so fucking cool" in a thesaurus and interested a synonom or two before every accomplishment. Plus, when I walked in, she had a table full of awards she'd won spread out in front of her. It was...um...interesting to say the least.

How do these people get hired? Who is that desperate?

---------------------

SuB: So, how would you change a user's password from the commandline?
Canidate: Oh, um, wow. Wow, you really ask the tough questions. I guess, uh, I'd use the password command.
SuB: Spell that for me?
Canidate: p-a-s-s-w-o-r-d?
SuB, smiling: Actually, you'd want p-a-s-s-w-d.
Canidate: Ha, ha, ha, you're just vicious!

REJECTED.

SuB: So, why do you want to work at $COMPANY?
Canidate: I guess I don't really.

REJECTED.


SuB: So, what would your perfect work enviroment be?
Canidate: Well, haha, I'd like to sit on my ass all day and do nothing. And get paid for it.
SuB: Oh?
Canidate: Yeah, that's pretty much what I do now.

REJECTED.

SuB: What would your perfect work enviroment be?
Canidate: Oh, a place with nice people.
SuB: *snicker*
Canidate: Really helpful people who are kind and like to build you up. What's it like upstairs?
SuB: Agressive, fast-paced, and extremely high-pressure. We're a pretty abrasive group.
Canidate: Oh. Um.
SuB: I blame all the heavy drinking.
Canidate: Uh...WHAT?!

REJECTED.

SuB: If you were upstairs working for me and you got a call on something you hadn't any experiance with, what would you do?
Canidate: Well I guess I'd...I'd...
SuB: You'd...ask someone for help?
Canidate: Oh, yeah, I'd do that. Then, I guess, I'd...um. Maybe...
SuB: Google it?
Canidate: Oh, oh, yeah. Maybe I would do that first? Maybe?

REJECTED.

SuB: Well, that about wraps it up. Are there any questions you'd like to ask about the company or the position [front line tech support]?
Canidate: Yeah, is there any tech support involved in the position?

REJECTED.

SuB: What's your prefect work enviroment?
Canidate: Oh, a group of competitive people who are really fun! Maybe who like to go out and do things together after work!
SuB: Oh? Like what?
Canidate: Like...um...bowling!

NOT REJECTED BECAUSE HE'S ACTUALLY A GOOD GUY...EVEN THOUGH SuB HATES BOWLING.


And, as a last little giggle, Things SuB Loves To Hear In Interviews:

SuB: So, we do have a very high pressure enviroment upstairs. There are a lot of aggressive people and they can be pretty abrasive.
Canidate: Ma'am, my last job was with the Army in Iraq. They're not going to be raining morters on my head, right?
SuB: No, not usually...
Canidate: Then I can handle it.

<3 SO TOTALLY HIRED.

Followup...

[supportbitch.livejournal.com]

It's always nice to end the week on a high note.

I just saw the last candidate. Aparently $BOSS got resumes confused and brought in the Worst. Possible. Candidate.

The gentleman could not speak English to save his life (and we do English-language support only), couldn't understand me (I hope. Otherwise he said what he hated about his current job was that it was challanging and he got to learn new things.), and kept pointing at the monster.com posting. Dude--I WROTE that. I know what it says. :(

We made it into a contest--who can stay in there the longest? I'm winning with 15 minutes, though I think the HR lady beat me by 3. :(

I'd post some quotes...but...oh my.

And just think, this gentleman is currently working in support at another company. Why? Why? Why?

I annoyed a VP today

[ihateemo.livejournal.com]

And using minimal effort! We have a fibre issue somewhere and of course all hands are on deck. Then my personal line rings. Probably worth mentioning the company I work for has many, many employees. Chances are if I don't have line of sight to the person you want, I don't know them.

"[Company], this is r4."
"YES, I NEED TO SPEAK WITH [Person] IMMEDIATELY!"
*uh, who the fuck are you...and who the fuck is he?* "What's this in relation to?"
"I NEED TO SPEAK WITH [Person I Still Don't Know] RIGHT NOW, IT'S ABOUT THIS FIBRE CUT!!"
*remembers that a conference call is in progress for this* "Oh sure, they're on a conference call about this...the number is..."
[interrupts, yelling even louder] "LOOK, I'M [Someone I Don't Know] AND I'M THE VICE PRESIDENT OF [Department I Forget] AND YOU WILL TRANSFER ME NOW!!!!1"

Which I did. Sheesh. I get all kinds of calls every fucking day. Shouldn't this guy be a little more in the loop? I'm slightly above your average phone monkey but I still get shovelled a veritable smorgasbord of issues in an average day. So sorry I am not psychic! Perhaps next time you can call the fucking switchboard instead of my good self?

I'd be worried about getting fired (I have a distinctive British accent among the many Texans which to many people is more memorable than my name), but since we're getting sold to a bigger company I'm probably going to get fired anyway next month. ^_^

What, computers can do that?

[irishmasms.livejournal.com]

Against my opposition, they hired the gal. Guess who is stuck training her now?

Yup. What a dumb box of rocks. :(

Quote:

"So how does someone scan a network?"

"What, you mean someone writes software to scan computers & networks?"


-face palm-

How the FUCK did you get hired?!?!?!


Please, wont some intelligent people that have a clue about network security apply for our open jobs?