You know, the users don't always suck...

[manuka.livejournal.com]

Last Thursday, the staff got together and sent a gift basket full of munchies (inlcuding a couple dozen hot Krispy Kreme donuts!), goodies, and a bunch of balloons to the IT department, along with several notes of gratitude.

See, sometimes the peasantry isn't all bad :)

*crosses fingers that we hire our new desktop support person soon so I can focus on being the network admin*

Chapter 4, wherein I find that tech managers are just as useless as their userbase

[omg-teh-funnay.livejournal.com]

Several months ago, I accepted a management position, handling high-level escalations and daily workflow in my department. I was hoping that since I didn't have to talk to end users anymore, that I was endering some kind of nerd nirvana, working closely with other technical professionals.

This delusion lasted the better part of a minute.

Ever since, I've been amazed at the sheer number of tech managers and area managers that try to get me to do special favors for them, simply because they're lazy, and/or don't want their cost center charged for something... case in point, from an email I reveived this morning:

omg_teh_funnay,

This customer has had performance problems with his laptop. We have already re-imaged his laptop and he is still having problems hence the reason for his memory upgrade request. If we open another break/fix ticket can we do a T30 for T40/T41/T43 swap? Thanks!

OK, what? He's having memory/resource issues, so you had your guys reimage - OK, I can go with that. But NOW you've determined that he doesn't have enough memory, so you want me to cut you some slack and break process (T43 laptops are only handed out to users with T23 or older laptops) so that you don't have to order a pair of 512MB sticks? Fucking useless...

Following the Email Chain, I find the user's email that started it all:

The purpose of this letter is to justify the need for a memory upgrade for my Laptop computer, an IBM T-30. The current RAM capacity on my computer is 512M, which is not enough to support the size of documents that I currently work with. These files exceed, at times, 12M. When working on them, the computer will lock up and I'll have to exit the program and re-enter. The computer has been reimaged with negative results. After speaking with the [outsourced company] technologist, a memory upgrade seems to be the only alternative. I am open for any suggestions as to handle this type of problem, but until it can be resolved, I can not support my deadlines and commitments to the business. Thank you any help that you may be able to offer.

I have attched the quote forwarded to me with the cost of the upgrade.

OK, this is where I REALLY start getting pissy - the EU sent in a request (blessed by his manager) to upgrade from our stock 512MB RAM, to 1GB RAM... and then the tech manager asks me for a brand-new unit, under a break/fix instead of the more-appropriate IMAC (install, Add, Move, Change). Feck that noise. I'm not gonna deplete my stock and play the 'laptop shuffle' while having to justify the out-of-process swap because you don't want your guy to have to (Gods forbid) undo 5 screws for a memory upgrade that costs your department less than a third of a whole system.

Sadly, that's probably what I'm going to end up doing. We don't want to look like we're not "team players," but dammit, what's the point in having me spend nearly a quarter of my time working on process docs if everyone gets to igmore them?

I'm gonna start charging for this. A case of GOOD beer for each time I gotta break the processes that THEY told me we had to have in place.

X-posted to omg_teh_funnay

And therefore...

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

I <3 the logic of Lusers. Here's a verbatum reply:

 I disabled your software like you suggested and the Fantasy Footballsite still does not work. (sad face)  It is a website not a program? (smiling face)

service with a smile

[k8mnstr.livejournal.com]

One of my tech reps had a customer tell her that he felt like she was blowing him off. I told her to tell him that we call it the "happy ending" approach to customer service. We blow you off with every phone call.

Now that's what I call service with a smile.

(no subject)

[xrockravenx.livejournal.com]

Hi everyone,

Figured I'd introduce myself. Just started my first IT job at Spencer Gifts as POS tech support and let me tell you how much fun it is to deal with old IBMS and new Dells that still suck. Har Har~

Not a bad job to get me by till I graduate in January but I am already frustrated by the stupidity my ears get flooded with over the phone.

I just have to wonder... why do we bother sending out POS/PC support manuals if they're not going to be used as a reference for the simplest things? I still find myself opening the manual in an attempt to guide a manager by reading what it says.. because they can't simply do that themselves, right?

Such a waste of time, I tell ya. I thought we weren't trainers and even the manuals these stores get clearly say in bold letters, WE ARE NOT YOUR TRAINERS. REFER TO YOUR MANUAL FIRST.

No one listens...

Such a waste of paper too.

Have a good day

=)

OMG

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

BEST VOICEMAIL EVER! This is a 100% genuine voice mail left in our tech support left over the weekend. I had to share it with you guys. I cut out any personal information left, so imagine it to be an extra 30 seconds longer than it is.

(no subject)

[foobarintel.livejournal.com]

(17:01:37) Wes[ICQ]: I feel like we aren't as close as we use to be. why do you hate me? why don't you love me anymore matt?
(17:01:42) Wes[ICQ]: WHY DON'T YOU EVER SHOW ME YOU CARE
(17:01:49) workMatt: :'(
(17:01:57) workMatt: you're not serious are you?
(17:01:59) workMatt: :P
(17:02:06) Wes[ICQ]: ever since we lost the child process...
(17:02:15) Wes[ICQ]: it's like you've been an entirely different image
(17:02:29) workMatt: i just need some time to swap
(17:02:35) workMatt: i need to get all my pages together
(17:02:43) Wes[ICQ]: I DON'T CARE IF WE'LL NEVER GHOST AGAIN, I JUST WANT YOU TO ACCESS MY COM SUBSYSTEM ONCE IN A WHILE
(17:02:52) workMatt: i just dont feel contiguous anymore... I feel so fragmented...
(17:03:09) workMatt: I miss being in protected memory
(17:03:13) Wes[ICQ]: Is, is this your way of telling me you want to terminate our joint group process?
(17:03:31) workMatt: no! I think we just need some time to spawn threads
(17:03:34) Wes[ICQ]: I swear, I'll purge all other users from our group
(17:03:52) workMatt: It's like its all been one big race condition
(17:03:59) Wes[ICQ]: I don't know if I could handle seeing you host other people's processes
(17:04:17) workMatt: they weren't!! I was just letting them sudo a bit!
(17:04:31) Wes[ICQ]: I don't like the idea of you being a real-time multi-user host
(17:04:43) Wes[ICQ]: yeah, that's what my last provider said.
(17:04:54) Wes[ICQ]: then I found out he had shells all over the place
(17:05:03) Wes[ICQ]: FSCK YOU MAN
(17:05:04) Wes[ICQ]: FSCK YOU
(17:05:19) Wes[ICQ]: alright, that went on way to fucking long.
(17:05:21) workMatt: I only run thin clients! there's no routing involved!
(17:05:23) workMatt: lol

argh!

[duality.livejournal.com]

i know that i have enough "junk in my trunk" to kill a man, but your quality documentation? not up there! please refrain from trying to get me to pull docs from my ass, for a quality system that's been in effect for years, that you only just now realize hasn't been updated in forever. besides, it's not like these ingrates even look at this crap.

Helpdesk: The Manual

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

What if we were allowed to write documents telling people how to get the best out of the Helpdesk? A "how-to" manual? This one's based on my own workplace - what would work at yours?

Source: Corporate Intranet site: IT Helpdesk

Document filed under: Who we are, what we do, and how to get the best out of us

Document title: How to get maximum performance out of the IT Helpdesk with minimum hassle

If you are an individual staff member

• Reboot. For God's sake, BEFORE DOING ANYTHING ELSE, log out and reboot the workstation, then see if the problem happens again. This will save so much of both our times it's not funny.


• Check around. Are you the only person in the office having this problem? If not, how many others are having the same problem? Do any of them already know the fix? Who's your office technical representative, and have they been informed of the issue>?


• Check with your tech rep, supervisor or manager before calling I.T. The Helpdesk is not a switchboard or an Information service; we're a computer repair division. Your city-group has one THOUSAND staff for every ONE of our technicians - you shouldn't even be calling unless you are the office's technical rep, at least supervisor level, (or, in a pinch, the highest ranking person physically available in the office at the moment). Each one of us is also serving twenty other offices as well as yours, so have your supe wait on the phone instead of you, huh?


• Call the right team. Nothing annoys both you and us more than you calling the wrong number and waiting in a phone queue for half an hour, only to be told that you've just wasted both our times, plus the time of all the people in the queue behind you. There is a list of teams and their areas of responsibility [here], please check it first. And did you remember to check with your supervisor before calling?

If you are a team

• Know who your local technical rep is and report everything to them first.


• Minimise your wait time by clicking [here] for the correct phone number to call.


• Train your staff in how to use their computers. Call the training division on [####].


• Appreciation Bribes. Send cookies or beer.

cookin' by the book

[geeklovepoetry.livejournal.com]

DO NOT CALL TECH SUPPORT IF YOU...

( A) Are driving. )

( B) Are not at your computer. )

( C) Are the parent of the child experiencing the problem. )

RANDOM ADDITION:

So one professor couldn't get his internet to work. Tech support was like, fine, is it plugged firmly into the computer and into the port? Professor confirmed. Support walked across campus, up stairs, and into professor's room, and saw that, yes, the ethernet cable was plugged firmly into the computer, and into the splitter, which had fallen out of the jack and was on the floor.

Well, the professor wasn't lying. It was plugged in.