Rants about the use of email

[daerlyn.livejournal.com]

Dear Afternoon Shift Manager,

I really, really, REALLY fucking hate it when you do not answer my emails. I know you get a lot emails in a day, because you are the shift manager. However, there is no excuse for this particular situation in which you a) sent ME an email asking me to do something for you, b) did not come pick up the stuff I did for you for a week, c) ignored for TWO DAYS the second email I sent you asking you if you still needed it, and then c) forced me to go to your boss and my boss to get you to READ YOUR FUCKING EMAIL. I don't know if you don't like me, or you think the work I do is not important because it is not directly related to moving merchandise out of our warehouse, or you have issues with women or what, but I have a job to do, and if my job does not get done because I can't get information or cooperation or even acknowledgement from you, you will eventually find that your employees cannot work. Why? Because based on the information I get from you (which is to say, none), none of them actually work here anymore, so I will be inactivating all of their system logins.

No love, just lots of frustration,
Me.

I go through this every time I send this man an email. My next email is coming to him bundled with a punch in the kidneys. I swear.

We also have a contractor who apparently was mauled by an MS Office cd as a child, because he refuses to use his email account for anything. Look, I tell people to send me emails requesting help/services/production aids/whathaveyou because email means everyone in the department gets it, so if I am too busy or have an aneurysm before getting to it, someone will take care of it. I tell people not to phone me, because I will forget to do things that I only have a verbal record of. And coming into my office with your request scribbled in illiterate chicken-scratch shorthand is right out. After I told him not to do that anymore, he started sending people from other departments to my office with his requests instead.

This could be so easy. Why do they have to make it so damn hard?

Customer email

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

I hve bought 96 Nissan Pathfinder with Defence Pack fitted in 2002 . Yesterday I could not start the car, Turned out to be a flat battery in the sender. Could you tell me the overriding process please. The sender has two buttons. Thankyou Ken


I don't think he knows what we do here.

Wtf is a defence pack anyway? Does it shoot flame out the sides of the car?


Edit: Unrelated: since I changed the dial-up number I have been unable to obtain service - no email is available (send or receive) and error messages refer to error involving domain name system - 3162. Server not responding. This has now been a problem fo over a week and i am highly ticked off as you have of course continued to bill me. You cannot email me at my (this ISP) address because the system is not working and I do not wish to use my other access to check the web site for any posisble response - I am not too optimistic about getting any assistance at this stage. But if by some chance there is anyone there I would be pleased to get advice.

He can't receive his email, and he doesn't want to use his 'other access' to check for a reply. He doesn't provide his email address or phone number. He is not too optimistic about getting assistance at this stage. Gee, I wonder why.

Pay attention!

[darkblade1.livejournal.com]

Don't act like you don't hear me today customers! I swear, I'm talking loud...you just don't f*in listen.

Pay attention you fucks. Just because it's Friday doesn't mean its mine.

Oh, and hear's a helpful tip from MSN.com about not getting the flu:

During flu season, never let anyone lick your keyboard.

Off topic, but my question is who does that?

Dear middle managers -

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

You have whined and moaned about getting a laptop because you're just so important, even though it never leaves your desk except to be carried to meetings and other managerial meeting places where everyone else also brings their laptops that they never use. You have been given a laptop to shut you up, even though you don't need it and certainly don't deserve it.

So when you call us up three times a day whining because you can't figure out the login process (the one printed out in a brochure and handed to you), or have no idea that the NumLock had to be on before you can use a numeric password (despite the instructions covering this), and continue to call us up for the same reason over and over,

Don't be surprised when our tempers become a little short. No, we will not send a technician over to your building simply because you haven't been able to log on for the last hour. Yes, we will put you through every single possible test we can think of, and double-check and triple-check the settings you say you have entered. Because so far, every single one of your calls has come down to user error, not intermittant faults in the wiring or mysterious aliens who rewrite your laptop settings while you sleep.

No love,

Your IT department.

(no subject)

[azraelsdaisy.livejournal.com]

( Pleading for a job. I've been outsourced. That's why it's behind a cut. Sending out feelers. )

They did whaaaat!?!

[klytus.livejournal.com]

A few months ago, many of the users we support were sent 256MB flash drives as part of a 3rd party promotion. We got a mess of calls on these, but because it wasn't something sponsored by our Client, we didn't support them - but we at least told people what they were.

Well, in a totally unrelated call today, somebody was telling me that he was using his flash drive in a meeting where people were having fits trying to transmit files from one laptop to another. They were amazed at how useful these flash drives were.

What happened to the ones they got?

Well, it turns out over 50% of them had no idea what these things were...

...so they threw them away.

**headdesk**
**headdesk**
**headdesk**
**headdesk**
**headdesk**

I am cringing at the thought of 1500+ 256MB flashdrives rotting in landfills all over the U.S.

SM-Customers ?

[lions-tambua.livejournal.com]

Customer calls in with an Problem (as usual)
I told him what he has to do to solve the issue and which steps of troubleshoot we need to perform
Customer is not satisfied with my way of finding the solution (Company-Policy! i cant change anything on that, btw, its TECHNICALLY correct to make these steps!)
Customer does the steps but is quite annoyed.
We solved the issue quite fast (according to the time the customer needs to perform the steps)
----------
2 weeks later.
Customer still has my direct number and calls me directly for an new problem
Told customer that he needs to call the hotline again when he has a NEW problem.
again we need to do some steps, again customer is not happy to make these steps but makes them finally after xx minutes of persuation-talk
Problem ist solved quite fast (according to the time the customer needs to perform the steps)
-----
1 week later.
Same customer calls me DIRECTLY AGAIN, once more with ANOTHER server and another problem.
same shit, different day. customer again doesnt want to make the steps i tell him.
and he finally did them after (AGAIN) talking for a long time until he accepts that these steps are pure logic.

MAAAN!!!! if youre not pleased with the way i solve your problems, why do you call me DIRECTLY all the time ? call the HOTLINE like everyone else.