smaaaaaart

[normal1.livejournal.com]

Okay listen up old people (and young alike) when you call someone for tech support, specifically an ISP who basically has all the powers in the world to keep you offline for an entire day (at least I do) - do not FUCK with them.

Got a call today from some dumb ass that thinks he's l33t cause he knows what "ping" is. Anyway, the first thing he asks is "Do you know why my internet is not working?" and right away I know this call is not going to go well. I tell him "I have no clue, but we can troubleshoot to find out". First thing I ask is "What does I.E. say?" he sais "I dont use I.E." - which is understandable, however, we dont support anything BUT I.E.

So I ask again "Lets go ahead and click on Internet Explorer" to which he replies "I think I uninstalled it". Now knowing full well he just lied to my face I'm pissed and no longer nice. "Sir, if you are unwilling to troubleshoot the situation I will be forced to disconnect the call as there are other customers willing to provide me with the information needed to troubleshoot". So then he began to ping a website and got nowhere.. then hes like "okay well, let me bypass the router" (meanwhile I havent said a word since my last statement) - once he bypassed it he was able to connect to the Internet and wouldn't you know it! his last statement to me? "You have been of absolutely no help"

Well guess who's getting signed up for free porn and getting his modem deprovisioned. BEEOTCH!

(no subject)

[jcaswell.livejournal.com]

My office is located at the back of a classroom. You have to go through the classroom to get to me. As you exit my office, there are computers everywhere, neatly arranged in rows. This morning, I discovered that the second computer in the row nearest my door has had the RAM nicked. I was in my office all day yesterday. Nicking RAM while I'm actually in my office takes bottle. (It's a Compaq PC, it's stupidly easy to pull the front off of the computer and nick stuff)

This is in addition to the two computers from another classroom that we discovered yesterday had had the cases unscrewed, the RAM stolen, and the cases screwed back on*. One of our students is wandering round with a screwdriver. Oh joy. And we suspect a similar thing has happened in yet another classroom where 10 machines that should have 256meg are only reporting 128.

Also, I have a filthy headache. And I'm fed up with teachers asking me to pirate them software. I don't mind piracy at home, but I'm buggered if I'm doing it when there's a chance the school will be prosecuted for it. I like my job.

*The classroom concerned is available for use outside of lesson times for the 6th formers (17/18 year olds) to use for their coursework. None of the others are. I spoke to my Director of IT about it yesterday morning, and we agreed that the room would be taken out of use for anything other than timetabled lessons. Until the main IT teacher came in and said we should give the kids another chance. The stupidity of the woman amazes me.

Make up an answer that would get you fired...

[naggy.livejournal.com]

( Descriptive Helpdesk E-mail of the Day )

And the hits just keep on rollin'

[grayhawkfh.livejournal.com]

Backstory: The company I support is about to reduce the maximum size of email inbox from 1.8gb to 1gb. Warning notices are going out.

So this freak genetic aberration (that lived only because the gods took pity on it) calls today and asks:

"How can I rearrange my email inbox to reduce it's size. Without deleting anything."

::blink blink::

::stunned silence::

Absolutely no problem sir. Just send us the computer and we'll send you a nice pink slip as a receipt.

I really wish I could wear this shirt to work

[polarbee.livejournal.com]

It would come in very handy.

( Move Along )

(no subject)

[jcaswell.livejournal.com]

I woke up with a migraine this morning (nothing unusual there) but went into work anyway. And coped reasonably well. Until I had a message during the last lesson of the day that one of the interactive whiteboards wasn't working, and my colleagues (bless 'em) were nowhere to be found. So I went to the classroom and fiddled a bit. The students (all aged 12/13) were giving the teacher hell. Shouting, screaming, running round the classroom etc. Normally in a situation like this, I'd take over and make the little fuckers sit down and shut up. But shouting when I have a migraine is bad. So I logged off of the computer, went up to the teacher and said "I will not work in this noise" and left.

I've never done anything like that before, but by God, it felt gooooooooooood.

And the best of it is, I told my boss about it (as part of my "I've got a migraine, I'm going home" conversation) and he backed me up and said he didn't blame me. I have the best boss in the world!

(no subject)

[das-prompt.livejournal.com]

A coworker just pointed me towards the best ticket notes ever.

"Customer called. He has worms."

Man, better get him to a vet!

(no subject)

[das-prompt.livejournal.com]

Apologies if this has been posted before.

Tech Support Nietzsche Style

"Our software can behave in that manner only if it has been corrupted by long exposure to users of your caliber."

Favorite revenge tactics?

[katyism.livejournal.com]

A couple recent posts inspired me to ask...
What are your favorite revenge tactics for annoying asshat users? What super powers and info do you have that could severely ruin a user's day? Which ones can you get away with? Which ones would get you fired if you used them?

( mine )