I forgot to cast "Protection from Morons" on my phone today

[blkmge138.livejournal.com]

To my last customer calling me and saying that you "wriggled the cords" and it did not work then not being at the computer is stupid. Then transfering me to the computer and taking 10 minutes to hit on the receptionist while I'm on mute is stupid. And finally turning the system on after wasting 15 minutes of my time and going "Oh, never mind. It work's we did not reboot the system after wriggling and jiggling the wires." is incredibly stupid. Thank you Captain Obvious for wasting my time. Either know how to work on the computer or don't touch it. I feel a stabbin' coming on.

(no subject)

[jacobine.livejournal.com]

I hate sales droids who don't listen. I also hate people who send salesmen to the helpdesk.

Me: [opening spiel]
Asshat: ...
Me: Hello? This is the help desk.
Asshat: Oh, hi! [papers shuffle] I'd like to speak with someone in IT.
Me: Well, you've got the help desk, can I help you?
Asshat: Yes, I need to talk to someone who can help me with software.
Me: [Starting to figure out this guy is a salesman.] May I ask who's calling? What were you calling about?
Asshat: I'm with such-and-such company, someone filled out our form about a security product we offer.. but they didn't leave their name so I was trying to track them down.
Me: If they didn't leave their name, that would reflect they didn't want to talk with you.
Asshat: Well I called [number of division, definitely not IT] and they told me to call here. Can I speak to someone in IT?
Me: You don't listen very well, do you? And further, it's rather insulting that you keep asking for someone in IT since I've told you I'm the helpdesk. If they didn't leave their name, they don't want to talk to you. Bye.

[Click]

wheeeee

[normal1.livejournal.com]

Quick 'Q' guys, anyone know of cool web comics about tech support and help desk or something? - I'm bored out of my mind and need something to laugh about. Thanks.

(no subject)

[normal1.livejournal.com]

Oh shit! I broke the "fix it switch!"

C: Hello I called yesterday about this problem but I'd like to see if we can get it fixed TODAY.
M: Okay, well, I highly doubt I'd be able to fix it but we can give it a shot if you'd like - but let me ask you, what did the other technician determine?
C: Well, they're gonna have a technician come out

M: Well I'm sorry sir, I was unable to fix it, what you want to do now is just wait for the technician to come out and fix it.
C: Okay, I'll call back later.


What do you say to something like that?

And to think, they're going to be doing this stuff "professionally."

[canthlian.livejournal.com]

So I'm not actually a tech. Well, not yet. I'm actually a student at a IT class with an active virtual business system, meaning we get to work on maintenance, tech support, etc. etc...

Now, to understand the stupidity of this, understand that our class call centre handles all tech support, absentee, and general communication issues, and they are supposed to do it in a professional and business-like manner. And only tech support issues are supposed to go to the technician.

Yesterday, I was rostered to be the technician of the day. Suddenly, while I was out on break, I got seven tech forms dumped on my desk. On three forms, the client name was incorrect. One was a simple mis-spelling, two were nicknames for people that are only used or even known in a small group of idiots who only come to class because the government told them to. After putting on a note of unknown client, I returned them. The next two shouldn't even have gone to tech forms. One was an absentee note, which should have gone directly to the teacher, and one was a note for the Call Centre to contact a completely different department about something. Not the tech's job. The last two were example problems, passed out to test the call centre staff. On example problems, the call centre staff always has to try and solve the problem over the phone.

Now, this is all bad enough in itself. But as I was returning the last forms, I noticed something. All the tech forms were dating from previously in the week, on days other technicians should have done them.

I weep.

(no subject)

[the-paco.livejournal.com]

( Another Day, Another Smartassed Tech Moment. )

Document Retention Fatality

[samwize.livejournal.com]

Ahhhhh. Man that's sweet.

Right now, I'd be hard pressed to come up with anything sweeter than having
my boss come in, all pissed off that he recieved a call from one of our
consultants saying "Hey! You never sent us the info on how to log on to
your website/FTP server so we can get to work! We've been waiting a
month!". Saying nothing but "*ahem*", opening up my Sent Mail folder and
printing out the original email with all the information sent on March
22, as well as the followup sent april 4 asking if they had adequate
access.

"Huh." says boss.

"Would you like me to forward these to [name company gave on bitch-call to
boss, that I suspect is VERY high up in the company]?"

"....Yeah."

"Will do."

(no subject)

[infy.livejournal.com]

I don't know what exactly about this irritates me so much, but I have a java-script based signature file that I use for work. A lot of people comment on it, say it's really cool and ask if they can use it. I know I can't stop someone from stealing it (I don't have the skills to make it lockable, if it's even possible - never checked, really), but I get this email from this guy I talked to today:

Asshat: "Oh, and I hope you don't mind, but I stole your signature a while back. The only problem I had, was trying to remove the email association from the the email link. If you click on the Asshat.schmuck@thiscompany.com, It will actually open an email window with your address. But hey, it works."

And his signature looks EXACTLY like mine. You know, it's not that hard to edit these things. My grandmother could figure this out, and she's been wormfood for 15 years. You'd think he'd try to figure out how to fix the email address at least.

So I responded back with:

"Actually, I *do* mind. It took me a long time to edit that to get it to work properly. Especially the timings on my job title information to get it to scroll the way it does.

This would explain all the odd emails that I've been getting recently, that I've just been deleting because I had no idea what they were or who they were intended for.

I'd prefer that you remove your "borrowed" signature file completely; however, if you're going to keep it, you could at least figure out how to edit it to make it look uniquely yours rather than a blatent theft from my work. Change the font. Change the colors. Throw a little creativity at it - if you don't know how, there's a ton of information on java scripting out there online."

Grr. It's been a rough day as it is.

Open Relay...

[methedras.livejournal.com]

Hey, can anyone think of an open-relay mail server I can use for troubleshooting this fault we seem to have, so the asshole account manager can get off my ass about it?

"Ooooh blah blah, we're trying to make a deal with this customer worth $400,000 and them currently suffering a fault doesn't look good blah blah..."

I'm gonna have a look, but if anyone can think of one off the top of their heads, that'd be awesome.

Cheers.

(no subject)

[thesawg.livejournal.com]

"unsupported" It's a big word, apparently too big for some people.

Someone called up the other day wanting to know how to sync his mail to his Blackberry. I know it is possible, just don't ask me how. I can give you the mail servers if needed. But that device falls into the area that is unsupported. Not impossible, not allowed, or illegal or anything, just unsupported.

Me: I am sorry sir, that device is unsupported. You might want to contact your provider for information on how to ser that up.
C: So it won't work with your mail at all. It works with Blahs.
Me: It should work with out mail; just I do not know how to set it up. I gave you the mail servers, ask your provider where to put them.
C: So you are saying there is nobody using their E-mail with a Blackberry
Me: I am not saying that sir, I said it is a device that we do not support.
C: So if there are people using it, how come you cannot help me set it up.
Me: Because the device is not supported by us.

Repeat the last four lines about four more times. He never really got that I don't know everything, and that are people using devices that I do not know how to set up. Apparently if it can be used with out mail, we have to know it.

Then tonight, I had pretty much the exact same call with someone trying to set up Internet Connection Sharing on Windows XP. She never really understood that unsupported did not mean impossible.

There are plenty of things here that are not supported. But I know plenty of people who use them anyways. And they can and are allowed to. But if you call the Call Center asking for help with it, we will tell you that we do not support it here. And we can usually refer you to someone or somewhere who will help. We don’t support Linux, but there are plenty of our customers who use it, same with ICS, same with Blackberrys.

Sweet!

[ladynisa.livejournal.com]

Earlier this week I had the sweetest little old lady call me and ask that her service be cancelled. When I inquired if it was because of a technical problem (being in tech and not in billing), she said no, I have seen the last page of the internet. My grandson sent it to me, so that must be it, and I guess I should cancel ebcause I've seen it already. Confused by this i asked ehr to read me the email her grandson sent her. After figuring out he sent her to http://home.att.net/~cecw/lastpage.htm I explained to her that it was a joke. She laughed and went merrily on her way. And that is the nicest call I've had all week.

(no subject)

[das-prompt.livejournal.com]

Dear Valued Customer,

Before I go on a wild goose chase trying to figure out why you're missing emails from today, please let me know that your frozen-for-non-payment account was just turned back on an hour ago.

Thanks!