An alternative for sucky customers and their need to vent on the innocent rep

[jonyoon.livejournal.com]

http://www.cnn.com/2004/HEALTH/05/04/vent.line.reut/index.html

Miffed? Vent-Line charges $1.99 a minute to listen

BOSTON, Massachusetts (Reuters) -- Licensed mental health professionals are steamed up over a Maine entrepreneur who charges angry people $1.99 a minute to listen to them rant and rave over the telephone.

(x-posted)

Clicking Yes

[naggy.livejournal.com]

As sure as birdshit falls from the sky, we get calls from users who download everything they come across in their internet experience...despite the fact that 90% of the stuff they do violates the limited use policy we have.

Now, supposedly, people can be reprimanded or fired for this, but of course, it never happens.

Just once, I want to send a dialogue box out to every user in the state at a random time, with a lot of technical gobbleygook. At the end, it'll say, "Clicking yes on this box will terminate your employment.", and it'll have a Yes or No button.

I'm sure it'll cause a rapid reduction in these calls, at least in the short term.

Today's Gems

[mellay.livejournal.com]

Cust: "I can't get my network card to detect! And there's no connection according to the back of the system!"
Me: "...so, your network card indicates no connection present."
Cust: "Right, good cable, no lights, nothing."
Me: "And when you go into the system setup, are there any link lights indicating a connection is present?"
Cust: "Uh. um. No. Nothing...no connection. "
Me: (BULLSHIT) "OK, restart your computer, and go into the system setup."
Cust: "...uhmmmm...how do I get into the system setup??"
Me: (I KNEW IT I KNEW IT) "Hit F2."
Cust: "O....kay...now I'm in the setup."
Me: "Hit *insert random keystrokes here* Did you hear a beep?"
Cust: "YES!"
Me: "Now, look at the back of the computer where the network cable is plugged in. Do you see any lights indicating a connection?"
Cust: (sounding slightly defeated) "Yes, I do."
Me: "Ok, now hit ESC and let the system boot into Windows. Now when Windows finishes loading, please go into device manager."
Cust: "I'm in device manager...there's the network card! But there's an exclamation point next to it."
Me: "Remove it, and restart the computer."
Cust: "REMOVE IT??!?!"
Me: "Yes, we're going to REINSTALL IT after you reboot."
Cust: "Ok, it's back in Windows."
......reinstalling driver......
Me: "Now check your Network connections; is the LAN connection still there?"
Cust: "uhhhhh...yeah."
Me: "Now try to bring up a webpage."
Cust: "OH MY GOD I CAN GET GOOGLE UP NOW!!! How did you do that?"
Me: (Well I didn't get this job because of my looks...) "It's what I'm here for, sir."
Cust: "You're...a genius."

And this one is priceless:
Cust: "My computer goes real slow, then I get an alert!"
Me: "And...what does the alert say?"
Cust: "ALERT!"
Me: "Anything else?"
Cust: "Oh shit I guess I'll call back, it's not on the screen."
Me: "No, wait..."
*call disconnects*

Argh after an annoying call...

[thomaspreidy3.livejournal.com]

I do business support. So I help people with their connections that probably make a lot more then I do. A whole lot more. I don't understand how people can get were they are and buy something they have no idea about. I have to hand hold these people as they try and piss all over the web. Argh. My home page is changed? Why is there porn on my computer? Why do I pee my pants when I hear the word Hello? ACK!!!

But hell anyway here are some strips for your enjoyment... ( Read more... )

I'm going to hell

[xdownfornowx.livejournal.com]

so i work the phones in an unnamed company working for an unnamed computer retailer. I received a 3-way call from Microsoft involving one of our customers. Apparently doing a "parallel install" of XP leaves the computer in a state with no drivers or applications. Good game Microsoft! So I get the customer set on doing the express (30 minute) install of the drivers and applications from the restoration CD and left the customer on the line with MS. I figure they're getting paid by th minute, so they won't mind babysitting. What really got me was that I actually said this--> "OK maam, I am now going to leave you in the trusting hands of Microsoft." At that moment I hung ap and felt this eerie chill sweep over my body. I think lucifer also popped up behind me, put a check mark on a list and poofed away.