techrecovery | Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Work, Part 5

(Previously. Recap: University sysadmin.)

Install signs of any description next to the building's motorized rotating doors.
... Especially labels that read, "It is perfectly safe to walk through this device."
... Especially when the label can only be read after stepping inside.
Grief the undergraduates on the Minecraft server they're running on one of the Departmental interactive shell machines.
Maintain a list of things that ${BOSS_SYSADMIN} is not allowed to do at work.
Violate Eschaton Clause Three.
Make clear that when I'm talking about simple alternatives to manipulating git history, that I'm referring to the revision control tools of that name, rather than the Helpdesk manager.
"I am altering your disk quota. Pray I do not alter it any further."
Answer queries of the form "What am I doing wrong?" with the response, "Would you like an enumerated list?"
I shall not refer to the handcrank used for locking / unlocking room partitions as the Education Stick.
Zero /etc/passwd on a clueless user's computer so that they can't log in -- causing the console to print "You don't exist. Go away." when they try to reboot via CTRL-ALT-DEL...
Unload a CO2 fire-extinguisher on people standing next to a 'No Smoking' sign while puffing on a cigarette.
Use the Justice Field episode of Red Dwarf as a model for how best to educate / punish users that try to do evil things. Such as wipe another user's home directory..
Configure my workstation to run interesting screensavers with a short time-out, as they may have the effect of diverting the attention of senior members of the department when they stop by my desk to talk to me.
... or get them to sign-off on pay-rises or changes in effective responsibility while they're cognitively distracted.
... Also, stop trying to take over Security operations. We said 'no'.