Contrary to popular belief, I do not have magical powers because I can replace your keyboard.

[hairbrush.livejournal.com]

Background: I do freelance repair while I'm finishing up school. I work out of my home.

Okay, this client dropped off his Sony laptop with me because the keyboard needed to be replaced. Seems simple enough, right? Well, I fix that, call him to let him know he can pick it up, should be end of story, right?

...Of course it isn't that easy.

Colonel Dumbfuck: Oh, great, thanks. If I leave it with you a few more days, can you make it an Apple for me?

Me: *pause* ..Do you mean install the OS X operating system? Well, yes, but your hard drive isn't large enough to support both that and your current Windows installation, with all of your current files and documents, so-

Colonel Dumbfuck: No, like.. make it an Apple. All white and with the Apple logo.

Me: ..No, sir, if you want an Apple-branded product, you would need to purchase an Apple-branded product. I am not authorized to build Apple products, nor would I have any idea how to begin to convert a Sony laptop into an Apple product because they are made by two entirely different companies.

Colonel Dumbfuck: I'm sure you can, don't sell yourself short!

Me: I appreciate your confidence in me, sir, but I assure you, I cannot do what you're asking. I can install OS X, but I would advise against it because it wouldn't perform as desi-

Colonel Dumbfuck: So I'd have to take it to the Apple store? I'm sure they could do it.

Me: Sir, all they are going to tell you any differently is that they can sell you an Apple product right there, whereas I am not a store.

Colonel Dumbfuck: You're just trying to short-change me. I'm not going to pay you for the repair.

Me: Sir, you are not getting your laptop back from me without payment. You contacted me for a keyboard replacement, that is what you signed off on and what I have documents to prove. If you insist on attempting to take your laptop back from me without payment, I will be forced to file a theft of service claim with the local police department.


He finally calmed down, paid & picked up his laptop from me, and then said:

Colonel Dumbfuck: I still think you could have made this an Apple. I don't think I'll be using your service again.

Me: Sir, I am a computer repair person. I am not a fucking genie.

Cue his astonished face and his rapid walk back to his car.

Comments

[erunamiryene.livejournal.com]

I think to respond to this appropriately, I'd need gifs (which I don't have at work). XD

If I leave it with you a few more days, can you make it an Apple for me?

Beyond "... bzuh?", you shoulda slapped a white coat of paint and an apple sticker on his computer. And then said "bazinga" when you gave it to him. XD

[mouser.livejournal.com]

Screw that!

"I can, but it will cost you $2000. Up front."

That would be a nice little profit on a $1200 purchase.

[erunamiryene.livejournal.com]

Agreed. This is an excellent plan.

[historychick49.livejournal.com]

This.

[hairbrush.livejournal.com]

I should have mentioned that when he picked it up, he offered to pay me an extra $200 to "make it an Apple." I suggested that he could buy an Apple product & I'd transfer his files, and he said, "I would, but they're so expensive."

[mouser.livejournal.com]

Ah! Well, I think I have an Apple sticker from a recent purchase. Slap it on and you're done!

[hairbrush.livejournal.com]

If I thought he'd go for it, I still have some left from my 3 prior iPods.

[ravenofdreams.livejournal.com]

I do so love this plan.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

Fifthed. There is no "No", there is only "Yes, and it is very very expensive." For values of 'expensive' which can occasionally range into 'enough profit margin for me to comfortably retire on'.