What's the worst thing to hear at the start of the call?

[pope-guilty.livejournal.com]

My vote goes to "This is the second day I've been on the phone with you people..."

Comments

[spiker-uk.livejournal.com]

"I did everything my next-door neighbour/cubemate/colleague* who's good with computers said and it still didn't work."

(* delete as applicable). Mainly because we know that'll have made things worse rather than better.

[goatavatar.livejournal.com]

"i just had my machine in there and its doing the same thing"
when working at a computer repair store. then you look up the paperwork to find out it as 6+ months ago. dont know how that constitutes "just in there"

[fuego.livejournal.com]

I vote for "I forgot the password and the master password on my encrypted user account and that's where I have the only complete copy of all of the records for my multi-million-dollar business"

Then there's "I just spilled a cup of coffee into the grate of my $50,000 video conferencing unit."

[captpackrat.livejournal.com]

"I'm not actually in front of the computer right now."

[pope-guilty.livejournal.com]

I once got the Super "I'm not actually in front of the computer right now" Turbo Tournament Edition. The guy's internet was out, and he'd switched to a VOIP phone and disabled his landline (and this in 2005!). He was calling from a payphone a block from his house...

[azurelunatic]

"I want to talk to a supervisor."

[fnordx.livejournal.com]

Those are the best for me normally. If the person on the other end asks for a supervisor, then I don't have to talk to them for more than 1-2 minutes to get their info, and that's it. And then normally we all make fun of them after the call.

[vertelemming.livejournal.com]

The phone ringing.

[madamealexis.livejournal.com]

Win!

[fragbert.livejournal.com]

"Okay, LOOK...."

[gargoyle575.livejournal.com]

"I need to talk to the person I was talking to before. I don't remember his name but it was a guy, and he had an accent." 90% of our staff is male and/or has some kind of accent.

The phone ringing and "This is the nth day I've called" rate up there.

[cardensaraid.livejournal.com]

I get this too. I'm the only female tech where I work. So that narrows it down....

[kizayaen.livejournal.com]

"The person I just talked to over there told me..." (insert blatant lie)

[mouser.livejournal.com]

Heh - I've gotten that one. Currently I'm the ONLY ONE that is on the queue line (not as bad as it sounds).

[taleya.livejournal.com]

"Now look..."

[lolotehe]

"Is there a guy I can talk to?"

[jewelz996.livejournal.com]

I work at a technical support office now. I get that all the time. "You're going to attempt to fix my problem?"

Or my favorite whenever I have to carry out a large desktop machine (Think Mac Pro)
"Oh My Gosh Honey! Are you going to be ok carrying that? You should really have a man do that."

[tattooofhername.livejournal.com]

"I don't have time to go through all your scripted start-of-call BS. Just do exactly what I tell you, in order, or put me through to someone who can..."

When the department I was working in had nothing to do with what he wanted, I had no way to even pull up his details on the system, and he refused to call the correct number and talk to someone who COULD help him.

[fnordx.livejournal.com]

I have two:

"I'm an MCSE and..."

and

"I'm losing millions of dollars every minute!"

[pne.livejournal.com]

"I'm losing millions of dollars every minute!"

That one typically comes from someone running a business off a residential DSL line which happens to be down.

[kyidyl.livejournal.com]

"It worked yesterday"

and

"My grandkids were here...."

[4ti3k4t35.livejournal.com]

"I am a realtor." or "I have been in networking for over fifteen years." usually translates to "I couldn't pour piss out of a boot if there were instructions on the heel."

But what I really hate to hear is "I think I deserve some sort of compensation for my trouble."

[soberloki.livejournal.com]

LMFAOOOOOOO

Realtors go stupid on the phone. I work for an answering service; four or five of our clients are real estate agencies. They're arrogant, petty, and have the weirdest sort of superiority complex...

[siliconshaman.livejournal.com]

"I'm calling from jail..." [yes, really!]
"I don't understand all that technobabble stuff.."
"I know everything about computers..."
"I think the CIA/FBI/Martians are spying on me though my computer..."
"My computer is doing that thing..."
"I don't have to understand all this technical stuff. My time is precious so just fix it now."
"Mr XXX the CEO/VP/etc wants you to fix his computer"

[pope-guilty.livejournal.com]

I always envision these people driving into the oncoming lane and hitting another vehicle.

"Look, officer, I'm not good with cars..."

[red-scully.livejournal.com]

My top two:

"I know I should log a call, BUT..."

"$computer number. My problem is X." (Seriously, there are actually users on my network who think it's ok to bark their computer number at me and think I will just obligingly connect without saying a word. Ugh.)

[taiki.livejournal.com]

"I'm driving and setting up email on my celphone, can you help me?"

[cowchris.livejournal.com]

"I'm tech saavy. I edit the registry on my home computer all the time. So just tell me how to fix it and I will."

[barbituratecat.livejournal.com]

"WHY do you need my information?"

"Well, maybe YOU can help me, because everyone ELSE is fucking incompetent..."

"This is the X time I've called and THIS KEEPS HAPPENING!" [Usually something that is in NO WAY related to any previous calls, most of which have happened several months in the past.]

"I just touched something and now it's doing something and I don't know what to do!!"

[ravenofdreams.livejournal.com]

"I'm computer illiterate and...."
WHY, ffs, do people think that telling me that is OKAY?

[cardensaraid.livejournal.com]

I hate it when people say that. Sometimes I want to tell them "Yes, I know that's why you're calling me".

[falnfenix]

"The ED has lost power and we need patient images NOW, else the victims of that car accident down the street will die."

since all patient images from the ED are digital in that particular hospital, this was more of a crisis than anything i've ever encountered.





that patient survived, thankfully.

[caralindacat.livejournal.com]

"I can't get to my email..." where email means any client and they don't know the actual name of the one they use... double points if they're confusing Outlook and Outlook Express. (Instant drop into the Pits of Hell if they use an online mail client but the only backups for their email exist in the files they manually forced the program to save to the HDD they just had me format... curse you AOL! You still make me hate life!)

"*deep breath* HiIthinkIwasjusttalkingtoyouandmyprinterisstilldoingthatthing!IkowyoumadetheboxgoawaybutItriedtoclickoncancelanditdidn'tdoanythingandsomybrothertoldmetojustshotdownanndnowitwon'tprint?" I rarely actually help customers, as I haven't worked at the shop too long. They are very annoyed when I have to interrupt with "no, that wasn't me, let me get someone who can translate stupid..."

"Hi, this is *stockbroker*"... seriously, do all stockbrokers suck?

We have caller ID at the shop, tho, so most of our awful calls start when we see the name on the ID and start playing pass-the-phone.

[pope-guilty.livejournal.com]

Yesterday somebody told me they had an Entourage (god damn, Microsoft, it may be time to throw in the mail client towel) on their Outlook account and they were wondering if they could get an Exchange account instead. I've come to loathe mail clients; there's just too much fiddly shit that can be wrong, and none of them seem to offer useful error messages.

And my favorite speed-chatter is when they're spelling out their usernames. I didn't ask because I wanted to see how fast you could recite it, I asked because you pronounced a jumble of letters like a word and you mumbled while you did it!

[ptstech.livejournal.com]

"Why did I have to come verify the information? I'm in the middle of watching THE NASCAR AWARDS!"

This from a mom whose poor kid was trying to lift herself out of her jacked-up gene pool do a school project over the internet.

She'd be in college now, assuming she reached escape velocity...

[polarbee.livejournal.com]

"It was working before you people touched it..."