(no subject)

[goes-kaboom.livejournal.com]

It may be just me, but does anyone else get really really sick of customers trying to be cute and excusing the fact they're just not listening to your directions and clicking on/disabling things at fucking random by saying "I'm computer illiterate" (or the charming equivalent, "I'm computer retarded")?

Jesus, I know, that's why you're calling us. Now stop talking over me, listen to my directions, and STOP CLICKING THINGS UNLESS I TELL YOU OTHERWISE. And it's always left click unless I tell you. Yes, ALWAYS. Argh.

Comments

[two-pi-r.livejournal.com]

I had a rash of customers at one point that would call me from their car and start writing down the instructions I was giving them. When I asked them "okay, so what do you have for $field now? It should be..." is when I'd find out.

*stab*.

[goes-kaboom.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes. I LOVE when they call and you start telling them to fill in fields and then you get "oh, no, I'm not at home". Then how the fuck was this supposed to help you?? Argh.

[agmlego.livejournal.com]

Or the ones who ask about "upper- or lower-case numbers"?

--
"Memento Mori Ergo Carpe Diem"

[goes-kaboom.livejournal.com]

Hahahahha, yeah, I've had a few of those. It's... yeah...

[lolotehe]

Those...helpless, vulnerable creatures....

[museology.livejournal.com]

Oh geez. That reminds me of when I was working sales one day, and had to walk some moron through the order process for a web hosting package.. and this guy asked me, "Now is that H T T P semicolon?" "..No, just a colon." "Okay, and then.."

After we debated the difference between a backslash & a slash, I wanted to say, "Dude, stick with Angelfire, because you will not understand a single fucking thing in cPanel if you can't understand HOW TO TYPE A WEB ADDRESS."

[goes-kaboom.livejournal.com]

Hahahha. Yeah, I usually just default to "the slash on the same key as the question mark".

[amynnah.livejournal.com]

This.

I also say, "It's the diagonal line sharing the question mark key. Next to the right hand shift key."

If they need more help than that, my face hits the keyboard repeatedly.

[kenbrody.livejournal.com]

And it doesn't help that some TV commercials tell you "go to www.example.com backslash something"

[melstav]

does anyone else get really really sick of customers ...

Yes.

And it's always left click unless I tell you. Yes, ALWAYS.

"Single-click or double-click?"

---

Stop. Just stop. Let go of your mouse and take your hands away from the keyboard. Now listen. I am not some monkey who doesn't know anything about our products and can only read from a script. I do not work at a Dell Call Center. I want you to do exactly as I tell you. If you have any doubts about what it is that I really want you to do, ask. Do not assume. At best, you'll end up wasting time. At worst, you'll break it even more.

If I ask you to read something to me, read it to me in its entirety. Do not skip *anything* unless I tell you to. If you cannot pronounce something, it may be intentional. Reading letter-by-letter is perfectly acceptable.

If this seems like too much for you to handle, please hang up now. As frustrated as that may make you feel, we will both end up in a much better mood.

---

[goes-kaboom.livejournal.com]

I'm running out of ways to pleasantly or at least tactfully say "no, you're not dumb for not knowing how to work computers". Because if you haven't even grasped the whole right-left click dynamic yet and you've supposedly had the internet for over a year... you're not exactly that swift, either.

[dagbrown.livejournal.com]

Oh, what the hell.

"Buddy, it's TWO THOUSAND AND FUCKING EIGHT. Computers have been ubiquitous for more than twenty years now, and you still think they're terribly advanced things that are way beyond you? Just give up. Get a job as a bricklayer. If you haven't figured out computers by now, then yes. You are just plain dumb."

I bet they use the same excuse when they crash their cars too. "I'm just not good with cars, waaaah."

[goes-kaboom.livejournal.com]

Also, telling them left-clicks are like saying "yes" and right-clicks are like saying "why" is the closest I've come to being able to explain what they mean in layman's terms. I just... how hard is it to follow the direction of "unless you want to open a menu, don't right click"? Really?

[momentarygenius.livejournal.com]

gah dell call centerrrrrr /dies in agony/

i got a shiny new dell xps m1530. for some reason the internal webcam decided to think it was no longer connected. wanted to see if there was anything else to try before i had the desktop techs at work (who are dell certified) rip it open.

5 HOURS of live chat and one phone call later, its back up and running.

[ravenofdreams.livejournal.com]

I don't get that. Why do people think that being 'computer illiterate' is okay? This is the 21st fucking century, people - that's almost like being really illiterate in this day and age.
Why do all the (l)users think that telling me they're 'computer retarded' will make it okay? I know I laugh, but that's the polite chuckle that really means 'please don't make me have to kill you today'. Argh argh argh argh.


...I think, in the normal cycle of shitty customers and good customers, I'm about due for one of the ones who brings chocolate, lest the cycle spiral out of control and end in death and maiming.

[siliconshaman.livejournal.com]

Dude.. given the general level of spelling and grammar usually exhibited by the same customers, I think they probably are 'language retarded' to use the same idiom.

[shifuimam.livejournal.com]

My mother does that exact thing. She'll just say "I don't understand this" and either get up and walk away or completely ignore the extremely clear instructions I'm giving her.

It makes me want to stab myself repeatedly with a grapefruit spoon.

[vulpisfoxfire.livejournal.com]

The contrary (and rather aggravated at the week I'm having) part of me wants to describe this from the mother's point of view. "He keeps spewing this incomprehensible garbage at me and then gets all upset when I give up and leave or ignore him, claiming 'It's perfectly clear to meeeeee!'"

Something I've learned and re-learned over the years--any..and I stress *ANY*...time there's a body of specialist knowledge innvolved, what's clear as glass to one person will be clear as granite to another. I bet your mother has at least a few areas of knowledge that she could do the same thing right back at you. ;-)

Unfortunately, were're still a decade or more from the point where computers are so ubiquitous (or at the very least the point where children who *have* had sufficient exposure to them in school and such finish pushing the remaining 'computer ignorant' adults into the senior-citizen category) that you can treat 'computer illiteracy' with the same degree of scorn that you can text illiteracy. :-/

[rorted.livejournal.com]

The thing is, being computer ignorant and having the ability to follow basic instructions are not mutually exclusive. Sure there are certain concepts that require specialist knowledge to get a grasp of, but with the right help it's often not necessary to understand why something happened in order to fix it.

In a previous life I used to talk people with near zero computer knowledge through telnetting into routers, reading me the output of IOS commands and making config changes. Clear, step-by-step instructions are just that, it doesn't matter whether you're fixing a computer or learning to drive or cooking from a recipe. If someone is getting frustrated, it's because a) the instructions aren't clear or b) the instructee has a short fuse.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

The problem lies when we dumb it down as far as possible and people are still sitting there with an expression like their brain's gone for a walk.

When a procedure has been tested and followed correctly by two-year-olds, there is no excuse. None.

No-one's been allowed to use "computer illiterate" since last century. Today, the correct terms are "I haven't learned how to use the basic tools of my job" or "I paid a thousand dollars for something I don't want to learn how to use."

Most places I work, I don't have specialist knowledge or training about how to do 95% of the jobs in that organisation. So why is it that after three minutes' conversation, I seem to be able to do three-quarters of the higher-paid-than-me jobs better than the people currently in them?

*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*

[kenbrody.livejournal.com]

When my eldest was about 4, I set up an "Alex folder" on his desktop and moved the icons for his games into it, rather than cluttering up the desktop. When I came back a little while later, I found that he had created several other folders on his desktop for his friends, and moved things into them on his own.

My youngest, coincidentally also age 4, has recently figured out, on his own, how to download wallpaper from his favorite sites (like Club Penguin and Webkinz) and use the control panel to pick the one he wants.

People use the "I'm computer illiterate" line as an excuse for "I'm too lazy to do it, can't you do it for me".

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

I wish I had been on the ball enough the last time I heard "computer illiterate" to answer "Then this can be a learning opportunity!".