At least the job isn't boring

[cesaretech.livejournal.com]

Every so often, we receive calls that just deserve some sort of reward.

Caller: I have a computer problem (why else would you call us?) and I need it fixed. I've tried to turn on the computer and it still won't get passed the black screen. I've tried five times. What am I doing wrong?
Me: You've booted the computer?
Caller: Yeah, I'm pressing the button over and over. It still won't work.
Me: (knowing how people think) You've booted the CPU, right?
Caller: No, I'm trying to turn on the computer.
Me: Yes, the CPU.
Caller: No, the computer. It won't turn on.
Me: Press the button on the CPU.
Caller: The...what?
Me : The tower. There should be a button for you to press.
Caller: Wait, the tower, the CPU...what? I'm trying to turn on the computer.
Me: Press the button on the tower.
Caller: But that isn't the....Oh, nevermind.
Me: (dies a little inside)

Who actually taught these types of people that the monitor screen is your actual computer? 
Why do we get at least two calls like this a month?

--

Caller: Hey, come somone come over and help me plug in my USB mouse?
Me and my co-workers: .........Plug it into your USB port.
Caller: No, can someone come in and help me do it?

This is why our Technicians insist on having us. We may have some less-than-great workers at the Help Desk, but at least the majority of us know how to weed out really stupid calls. This way, they only get moderately stupid requests.

There's a reason why this university does not offer a Computer Science major/minor.

Comments

[taleya.livejournal.com]

Who actually taught these types of people that the monitor screen is your actual computer?

Reverse darwinism. And TV

"But but but it's the part I look at, right? Therefore it is the whole of the machine!"

Someone needs to educate them about fucking icebergs.

[valiskeogh.livejournal.com]

ugh, just yesterday my dad comes over, i'm building him a new computer. he looks over at my desk and says "oh, is it that one? or that one? or can i have the computer in the middle?"

.... he's looking at my 3, 21" crt MONITORS all driven by ONE pc... ssiiigghhhh...

"no dad, those are SCREENS, not computers..."

[pope-guilty.livejournal.com]

Blame Apple.

[xforge.livejournal.com]

It's strange that I've never had one of those first calls. I *have* gotten:

(trying to find out if they're on a PC or a thin client)
"What brand name is on the box your mouse is connected to?"
(gives name of monitor manufacturer)
"No, that's the monitor; follow the mouse cable..."

The second, I get an awful lot. Plug it in, you peabrain!!

[mouser.livejournal.com]

We've go USB hubs in the monitors now. Guess where the mouse plugs into?

[http://users.livejournal.com/hub_/]

give them an iMac

;-)

or a etch-a-sketch

[garpu.livejournal.com]

you'd be surprised the number of people who have trouble turning on a mac...

[compwizrd.livejournal.com]

I want to know who taught people the tower is the "hard drive"

I'm tired of bringing out brand new Seagate drives for when "the hard drive is making funny noises"

[kyidyl.livejournal.com]

I think they think knowing the word hard drive makes them less pooter stoopid.

[cesaretech.livejournal.com]

I was almost tempted to call it that, betting the caller would guess what I was talking about sooner. But I would have felt like I was selling my soul to ignorance.

[taleya.livejournal.com]

It's infinitely preferable to my older sister, who repeatedly says she needs "more ram space" (bigger HD), sits her tower on top of a ducted heating vent and thinks I can magically pull data out of her computer when it's turned off simply by twitching my arse cheeks...

[falnfenix]

we have to differentiate between monitor and CPU by calling the CPU the "hard drive" at my work (since most of our workstations are space-savers). somehow, many of our lower level users had never touched a computer before working for my employer.

[penguin-attie.livejournal.com]

Ow. I tried to beat that distinction into the head of a classmate for two years. He still refuses to change that habit. (Of course, despite being told repeatedly that he's cultivating a whole zoo of viruses, he also refuses to install an antivirus because 'it might slow down his computer'.)

But wait for it, the worst part? COMPUTER SCIENCE MAJOR.

[kuang.livejournal.com]

Sounds like the following exchange, not verbatim but typical:

'My computer isn't doing anything'
- It's not turning on?'
'the screen's on but it's not doing anything'
- Oh, it IS turning on. So 'not doing anything' isn't really true, is it? How far is it getting? Can you log in?
'Yeah, I've logged in but it doesn't work'
- WHAT.. DOESN'T.. WORK?...
'I can't get email'
- Right. From nothing at all to email. What happens when you try it? Any errors?
'It's not there'
- What isn't? Your emails, your brain, my will to live?
'I can't see the little picture'
- The shortcut? It's in the start menu, then programs, then staff programs
'Oh. It didn't look like that yesterday'
- No, I'm sure you're right. It's clearly evolving faster than you. Take two a day after meals and only come back when you're dead.

[goose-entity.livejournal.com]

Quote:

'Oh. It didn't look like that yesterday'
- No, I'm sure you're right. It's clearly evolving faster than you. Take two a day after meals and only come back when you're dead.

ROFLage because... yanno... I've been there myself :)

[japester.livejournal.com]

- No, I'm sure you're right. It's clearly evolving faster than you. Take two a day after meals and only come back when you're dead.

snicker. That's brilliant.

I think the word "yoink!" springs to mind. (with appropriate quotage, of course)

[psychotwinkie.livejournal.com]

That happened to my sister when she was in high school. She is in no way a tech, but had to explain to her business teacher that her CPU was the tower, not the monitor.

When i heard the story i pretty much died of laughter. thus i am giggling a lot over yours

*goes back to lurking*

[metao.livejournal.com]

Man, USB is amazing, but I swear, EVERY time I go to plug in a mouse, I try to put it in upside-down.

But what kind of idiot wouldnt look at the plug, realise that it is asymmetric, and try it the other way?

[dagbrown.livejournal.com]

Once had a user who, upon finding that her PS2 keyboard didn't go into the socket immediately, started twisting it.

Not like you or I would do, twisting it gently so that the pins would line up and then pushing it home.

No no no, she twisted this thing hard to force it into the connector. Wrote off the keyboard. And she was hired as a "user-interface designer", too.

[lwj2.livejournal.com]

Don't ask. Please.

I'm not tech support, but for some reason known to the gods, I'm the guy that gets asked to "take a look" in our department.

At one point I had three people younger than I am whinging about "new computers."

I once pointed out that I'm one of the oldest techs in the department and still manage to use -- or at least not harry IS into the foetal position -- our Dell gifties from Upstairs.

Typical conversation:

Co-worker: This is a new mouse, what's the thingie (a scroll wheel) for?

Moi: It's a scroll wheel. You can scroll down worklists now.

CW: Oh. What's the red light?

Moi: It's an optical mouse.

CW: Where'd it come from?

Moi: The old one was half dead. I ordered it from IS.

CW: Are you still going to open it with your knife?

Moi: No, that's why I ordered an optical mouse. I don't have to clean this one.

CW: I don't understand why you opened the other one all the time anyhow.

Moi, thinking as I walk off "Because the cops would get upset if I opened you up and cleaned your guts out."

[jcaswell.livejournal.com]

I still regularly get teachers calling with the same problem. They think I'm some sort of God when I go to the PC concerned, press the button and walk away.

But then this is the school where I once heard one of our IT Teachers telling a class of year 7s (aged 11-12) that CPU stood for "Computer Programming Unit". I had to leave the room to stop myself laughing. Worryingly, she's still teaching IT 5 years later...

[phrogg.livejournal.com]

This is REALLY sad. I was at one of our higher-level offices the other day, and as the fellow is checking on something for me, he complained that his comp is SOO SLOW!

So i asked him what model he's running on (we've got some of everything in the Dell GX lineup - past and present). This fool starts inspecting the monitor... "Uh...it's a ...Dell? Doesn't say what model."
And this is the office that tells ME what to do.

I was too busy contemplating suicide to tell him to look at the "hard drive" or "CPU".

[firon.livejournal.com]

When was it that everyone started calling the tower the "CPU"? CPU = central processing unit = your processor, which is IN the tower.

Sorry, that's just always been one of my pet peeves.

[cesaretech.livejournal.com]

I always start by referring to it as the computer. Eight times out of ten, they have no idea what I am referring to. Depending on how I feel about about the 101 Computer knowledge of the caller, I will either start calling it the tower or the CPU. If the call goes on too long and I get so annoyed, I'll cave and call it hard drive.

I do what I have to do to get them off the phone. I'm not going to go to their rooms and point it out to them. "That's your computer." As long as my co-workers and I know the difference (first question I asked the freshmen when they arrived), that's all that matters to my boss.

[kait-the-great.livejournal.com]

I agree. Just as bad as calling it the Hard Drive.