Just... I... *snap*

[toxico.livejournal.com]

From the fucking HEAD OF HUMAN RESOURCES:

Thank you for the PC Inventory list for the HR group. I made some changes/updates to it and provided information you reported that is different from our set up down here.

In addition, when Jxxx deployed Dxxxx Wxxxx’s flat screen monitor a couple weeks ago, her old black monitor was to go to Fxxxxx Wxxxxx as her flat screen was deployed elsewhere within our group. At the present, we do not know where it went but need it moved to Fxxxxx so she may have a monitor that matches her keyboard. While this might seem trivial to some, these small things are what keep our group going strong during these trying times. Please let me know if you have any questions. Thanks.

Words fail me.

Comments

[garpu.livejournal.com]

As a tech support minion, I LAUGH. People like that get moved to the lowest priority quickly.

[bassgirl.livejournal.com]

I cried a little inside upon reading that.

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

I threw up a little bit, in my mouth.

[brotherflounder]

You should send them a hot pink monitor.

[jjjiii]

With matching keyboard.

[gilded_lady]

...all I can say is that if they think a matching monitor is going to keep the workforce happy, they must be paying them shit--and have conditioned the employees to be happy about it o.O

[snarl817.livejournal.com]

Dear $HEAD_OF_HR,
If all it takes to keep your people happy is coordinated keyboards and monitors, then perhaps you should consider replacing them with robots. The employees...not the keyboards and monitors.

No love because I'm now stabbing my brain with a fork,
snarl817

[blossomingfire.livejournal.com]

Here's how you really kill them: Give Fxxxx a new keyboard.

[ptomblin-lj.livejournal.com]

Hey, *I* was going to say that.

[photosinensis.livejournal.com]

And the first time I read that, I thought that you had Doctor Who working for your company. I've got DW fans on my f'list, after all.

[kuang.livejournal.com]

I sympathise, and you're not alone as the first minute of this clip demonstrates.. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIvnz73Zsws)

Post-it love!

[wherdafux-d-cat.livejournal.com]

I think I want to be him.

[xforge.livejournal.com]

Your HR department must be quite like ours; I don't know what their budget is every year, but clearly it does not include such frivolous items as "decent pay for hard-working people" and "computers that were manufactured in the recent memory of anyone alive on Earth today." As someone else said, if "matching monitor and keyboard" is one of the things that's important to the proper functioning of their team, they are obviously not paying them worth beans, and probably not bothering to spend on frivolities like the occasional carton of bagels for the break room, either.

(frozen)

[lihan161051.livejournal.com]

It almost sounds to me like the people who get tickets sent out to get them color coordinated desktop hardware are the management folks whose butts HR is currently kissing. I'm guessing not just everyone in the company gets attention when they throw a fit about color coordinated accessories. That would be my guess. I could be wrong, I frequently am .. :)

[tmesser.livejournal.com]

Believe it or not, the IT department in the college from which I just graduated is undertaking a "color coordination" project to make all components black. I can only hope it was all equipment that needed to be replaced anyway.

[xforge.livejournal.com]

Everybody knows black computers work better.

I mean, duh.

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

Please let me know if you have any questions.

How the hell do you do your job if you're worrying about the keyboard/monitor coordination?

Hell, I have two different Dell monitors on a Mac, with Logitech track ball. And my socks don't match! Blow me!

[xforge.livejournal.com]

L to the O to the L

[mouser.livejournal.com]

The head of HR is trying to prove what a big shot (changed that at the last second) by proving he can get stupid requests.

"CC: Security
CC: Accounting

Since you are reporting that there has been a theft of company assets, (Flat Screen Monitor, SN: xx-xxx-xxx) please forward a copy of the theft of assets report so we can have the insurance paperwork correctly filled out and arrange the replacement item be procured. We will have to have a purchase order from your department, as it will be purchased through normal channels being a non mission critical item.

Since your area must now be considered a high risk item (theft of company assets in excess of $200) we will have to insist that all electronic locks be read to determine who had access to the area at the time.

Additionally, we will be installing locking devices to affix all computer equipment to desks. By necessity this will have to be be accomplished during normal working hours do to current manning levels and overtime restrictions.

Thank you for your cooperation in this matter."

[spooforbrains.livejournal.com]

all computer equipment- including mice, which will be attached to the mouse pad, which from now on will be glued to the most suitable location on your desk.

[psychotwinkie.livejournal.com]

*de-lurks*
No wonder I am so unhappy. This white monitor is totally clashing with my black keyboard!

*sigh*

[fenrirvallin.livejournal.com]

Find room somewhere in the budget for nicer mice.

Then get them in random reds and blues. Logitech usually has some that aren't in black/grey/beige.

[ateji.livejournal.com]

*has a wireless Logitech in dark blue* Just think, no cord to get in the way of bashing them in the head with.... (Standard disclaimer: I do not actually advocate beating HR employees with mice. There are far more imaginative ways to enjoy the delights of their company.) ;)

[berkeleyfarm.livejournal.com]

oooh the matchy matchy ...

I always hated the "A is getting a new computer, so B gets the old computer but wants her same monitor, C gets the monitor, D gets B's old computer, E gets D's old computer (etc.), F wants the hard drive from E's old computer installed ... and oh yeah, transfer all our data off the hard drives and reinstall our programs and shortcuts so it looks THE SAME."

what a terrific waste of tech time.

[valiskeogh.livejournal.com]

do what i do.

hand them a sharpie.

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

***golf clap***

[tanetris.livejournal.com]

I've always wondered why I felt sudden waves of unhappiness and despair when looking from my black monitor down to my white keyboard. Now I understand.

"these trying times"... You mean like having a moron for the head of HR?

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

What also keeps them going is air, which you should somehow deny them post haste.

[ptstech.livejournal.com]

"Please let me know if you have any questions. Thanks."

Yes, I have three questions:

1. Are you insane?
2. Are you on drugs?
3. If so, can I have some? They seem to be really GOOD drugs.

[catmmo.livejournal.com]

This story reminded me of my idiot co-worker ... We had gotten a bunch of IBM and Compaq computers in for replacing older stuff. To save space we'd remove everything from the boxes and just grab stuff as needed. My co-worker seemed to think that the IBM keyboards could *only* go with the IBM computers - duh, WTF?
I think he may have been confused because I think at the time the Compaq keyboards had an orange plug and the IBMs were purple ...

[ateji.livejournal.com]

"These trying times" suggests to me that they're trying to force logic through their brains. I applaud them for the effort, but they get no points for the failure.

[amberite.livejournal.com]

But dahhling! If your monitor doesn't match your keyboard, the Internet can see you and make fun of your fashion sense. Didn't you know?