From the department of redundantly stupid (l)users

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

I'm calling to put in a call for a trouble ticket.

No shit! This is the help desk. No one calls to tell me they're calling because it's a beautiful day out side and they feel they're one with the universe. Everyone calls with a problem!

And when you do call, don't just sit there after saying "I have a problem" and breathe like a cartoon bull from a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Tell me what your problem is! Are you waiting for me to charge up my magic telepathy beany? Guess what? I save that for Friday nights at the local meat market. That way, when I go in there, I already know all the women there aren't interested in me and I don't have to waste any money buying anyone, other than myself, a drink.

Comments

[anivair.livejournal.com]

Every once in a while, I call tech support just to tell them that I don't have any problems and everything's working fine. I make sure to compliment their product. I think it probably makes for a nice change. or at least interesting office chat.

[foobarintel.livejournal.com]

Seriously.

I hate it when customers call up and just say: "I have an error". So I have to say "...well...what is it?"

I also hate it when they say: "I had a problem with your software and it closed out/crashed on me" and I say "Well what happened when you tried to go back in?" "Uh...I didn't try to go back in...."

I guess without context that doesn't sound as bad - but basically we run software ontop of Java so 9:10 times all you do is close the app, then launch it back up and it's fine and dandy.

I also hate it when people refuse to believe it is *THEIR* machine that could be a problem.

[jeffreyatw.livejournal.com]

Don't do that! This community has shown me that tech support people run on anger. Are you trying to put them out of their jobs?

[jecook]

I'm not sure what I would do if I got a call like that. I think my brane would explodiate.

Never in the 10+ years of doing on site and phone support have I gotten a call that states everything is fine.

[teriwyn.livejournal.com]

My boyfriend would call up numbers on random commercials (Life insurance, Forman grill, whatever) and would tell the agent that while he is not interested in the product they advertised, he really hopes they are having a wonderful day.

Yes, while drunk.

(He has been a tech support monkey, too.)

[teriwyn.livejournal.com]

I hate when people just call in and demand that I SMS into their machine and look at whatever they think is wrong. This only bothers me when the solution - had I been described the problem - would have been a reboot.

That, and I don't dig my customers trying to wrestle me for control of the call. I will decide when remoting in is necessary, thankyouverymuch.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

I get them on a regular basis. People who are being paid out of my tax dollars spend half an hour in the phone queue to tell me that they're not having any problems at all.

So they wasted my time, their time, and the time of all the people who were backed up in the phone queue behind them (and also being paid out of my tax dollars, thank you eversomuch).

There were days where every second call was like this. I was tempted to invoice their managers for the wasted time of all staff involved. "Let's see - that's five minutes of my time creating a mandatory ticket, thirty of yours, five minutes times fifty-three people currently backed up in the queue and another hundred and eighty who will call before we can get the wait time back down to zero, at an average salary of $25ph in this organisation that's twenty hours and $500."

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

"I have a problem"

"Have you tried therapy? A doctor? Some herbal laxatives?"