No means no!

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

Me:  Thank you for calling ________ tech support. This is MB, how may I help you?

Luser: Yeah, I need help with Product X - it's giving me a runtime error.

Me: I see. Product X has been aquired by _______ Software Inc. as of July 10th and is now supported by them. Their tech support can be reached at the toll free number 800-555-5555.

Luser: What?! So you're not gonna help one of your customers who purchased this product?! I have all your other software!

Me: I apologize for the inconvenience, sir, however while we support those other products we no longer support Product X. _____ Software Inc. is providing free tech support for current subscribers such as yourself.

Luser: Well, that's just bullshit. I know you have supported it before so why can't you just help me?

Me:  Because our company no longer receives revenue from that product and therefore cannot pay technicians to support it. Do you see what I am saying?

Luser: *sighs* In the time you took explaining this to me, you could have already solved my problem!

Me: *rolls her eyes* I understand your point, however _______ Software Inc. has made changes to the program that I am not trained on. Therefore, they will be able to better assist you.

Luser:  *sighs* Whatever. You should have notified your current users so I could have avoided all of this. Thanks for wasting my time. *hangs up on me*

Another satified customer! *puts another tally mark on the whiteboard behind me*

Comments

[inahandbasket]

heh, nice

[jethro.livejournal.com]

he did say THANKS :)

[jjjiii]

I love how by forcing you to belabor your point because you're not allowed to just hang up on them and you have to do your job, you somehow become responsible for wasting their time.

[xforge.livejournal.com]

[obvious]
Luser: ...In the time you took explaining this to me, you could have already solved my problem!

In the time you've been arguing with me, you could have called the other number and been taken care of already!!

Luser: *sighs* Whatever. You should have notified your current users so I could have avoided all of this.

Actually sir, we did, via email to all our registered users. Did you bother to y'know, REGISTER when you installed it? Yeah, didn't think so.

[/obvious]

[floatingpencil.livejournal.com]

Our company is about to stop support on a particular piece of software. End of life time. I'm going to be hard pressed not to add "also, I don't want to." to the end of every sentence.

The software was sold in 1998, but guaranteed some people will think we should still support it. After all, they paid us £30 in 1998, and now they'll take their custom elsewhere and we should be scared. Terrified. Right. Uh-huh.