(no subject)

[supportbitch.livejournal.com]

How do you provide "perfect support"?

Comments

[jon787.livejournal.com]

Duct Tape

[dark-fx.livejournal.com]

Make sure you have the right size cups.

[jon787.livejournal.com]

You mind if I take the icon? Proper credit of course.

[gremlingirl.livejournal.com]

Best. Icon. Ever.

[hisamishness.livejournal.com]

Um... Sorry - I don't get on my knees for customers...

Instantly sending someone out with a replacement would be perfect. Not going to happen though - at least not without some seriously expensive support contracts.

[jecook]

We have something close: spare equipment onsite, and either a Next business day or next days on site contract with all of our major vendors.

[snoopyh42.livejournal.com]

Bend to the customer's will.

[firthy.livejournal.com]

Kill the lusers.

[captain-jester.livejournal.com]

design the device that kills by telephone. No call backs means you must have done everything right.

[twistedsyx.livejournal.com]

By hollywood squares definitions:
Joke answer, be able to give them a blowjob (over the phone or otherwise)
Serious answer, talk like someone on ridalin(sp?) and speak in facts and troubleshooting steps.

[twistedsyx.livejournal.com]

oh yeah
and know absolutely everything except how to fix windows.

[bornofchaos.livejournal.com]

Damn. Someone beat me to the cup size one.

On a slightly more serious level, I guess educating the user is worth more than any amount of "rapport" or "customer magic!". If you have to say to them "Get a pen and paper. No, really. Get a pen. You'll need it." and then at the end "Turn everything off, go for a wee, come back and turn it on, if it's still not working *then* call us", might prevent a call in the future.

[swwinchester.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I was going to say "Wonderbra" myself ...

[fearrett.livejournal.com]

Percussive maintenance is performed on all machines/users that have been diagnosed as hacing a pebkac error.

[seattleotaku.livejournal.com]

Destroy the bodies. Hidden bodies will eventually be found and reduce the perfection.

[ihateemo.livejournal.com]

Telepathy.

[kestrelct.livejournal.com]

You took mine!

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

"Reboot. Goodbye."

No technical answer: Does Not Compute

[gremlingirl.livejournal.com]

You become a maidenform bra.

[spacebird.livejournal.com]

By entering a quantum multi-dimensional state in which you simulatenously deliver a kickass, quick solution to the customer and a drively, kissass customer service to your bosses' recorder.

If you figure it out let me know. Upper management is harassing my department for this very issue

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

That's zen troubleshooting... it can't be taught. Either you have it or you don't.

[sid-dslaci.livejournal.com]

concur.

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

telling them to pack up their PC and ship it back to Dell and request a refund.

[abstrak-tokatl.livejournal.com]

don't pick up the phone?

[methedras.livejournal.com]

With the correct mix of cynicism and condescension.

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

Smack them in the back of the head with a bottle of Thunderbird (http://www.bumwine.com/tbird.html) and then leave the bottle on their desk?

[harry-whodunnit.livejournal.com]

Knot the noose really carefully.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

with a LART.

[theogrin.livejournal.com]

Perfect support is the ability to answer any relevant information in a timely, polite, rational, audible, and concise manner, and ensure that any tangential problems are at the least solveable.

Though a LART usually works just as well, to be sure.

[goose-entity.livejournal.com]

Don't bullshit the customer.

Under promise, over deliver.

And stab the manglers who insist on using stats like "how quickly the phone is answered" to decide if you are doing your job because they don't understand more complex stats like "did the tech fix your problem?"

[veeedka.livejournal.com]

FCR is a wonderful thing.

Pity not many large call centres seem to care about it...

[veeedka.livejournal.com]

I dunno, but if you call me, I'll give you an example! ;)

Hahahaha :P