office quotes

[anivair.livejournal.com]

me: I got your connection working.

cs girl: oh, really? How?

me: Citrix fears me!

Comments

[omg-teh-funnay.livejournal.com]

How amusing. Citrix is broken right now

Care to go to our data center and glower at it?

[shirenomad]

Just tell it "Since you aren't behaving, we're sending anivair over!" And it'll cower and say "I'll be good!"

[guinevere33.livejournal.com]

Computers are like horses - when you start working with one, it sizes you up and decides exactly how much shit you'll let it get away with. Bring in someone who isn't intimidated and they shape right up! (A good "Stop that!" and slap to the side of the case doesn't hurt; I actually had that work once.)

[jon787.livejournal.com]

Percussive maintence is suprisingly successful on software problems.

[jecook]

::falls out of chair laughing::

My boss at [isp] could, and I shit you not, lay his hands on a core router and make it behave. I saw it done once. We had a Juniper M160 chassis that we were certain that we were going to have to send back (an expensive proposition, the loaded unit ran [isp] over $1 mil), but he did this and it magically started working. It even let us put it into production. I think it was scared of him actually working on it and pulling cards out and firing up the ol' soldering iron to "fix" the backplane. (His office was full of half broken, half working stuff, like a cisco 7513 that we could not rack mount because the chassis was tweaked badly. It worked fine for testing cards, though.)

[xforge.livejournal.com]

Our HP Laserjets fear me. I regularly get "Well, it was broken a few *minutes* ago... seems fine now that you're here..."

[jon787.livejournal.com]

Oh good so I'm not the only one that happens to.

[major-error.livejournal.com]

That's what I like to call "The Moses Effect":
Fixing a problem by performing some wholly-unrealted action.

In your case, it was your presence.
I've had issues go away just by standing up at my desk, or taking a phone call...

[xforge.livejournal.com]

I've contemplated taping my photo to the inside top cover of every printer...

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

I've heard it referred to as the Technician Proximity Circuit. Hardware can detect when a tech is standing nearby and will start working properly.

We're not the only industry it happens to, either. Cars which have been spraying their guts out onto the road for six months will purr like a kitten when taken to the mechanic. Plumbing which has been acting as if it connects the Augean Stables with the Eight Circle of Hell will run pure and clear the moment a plumber steps in the house.

I've suggested to customers that they have a little action-figure or cardboard cutout of me standing where the computer can see it...

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

It works both ways. There are documented cases of people who fuck with 'machines' in odd ways. No 'just extension of body's electrical field' crap, we're talking software problems, mechanical problems, electricity issues etc etc. Some people have the gift and some people have the curse.

My sister breaks things just by being near them. I can't allow her in the house if installing anything, playing an important level on a video game or using an electric knife to carve meats. It's not worth the risk.

[blossomingfire.livejournal.com]

Citrix fears me as well. It's not hard to make it cower in a corner and cry.