"Office Space" scenarios

[seattleotaku.livejournal.com]

Abnormal people call for abnormal reasons. Here are just a few of today's choice abnormals, and I'm only halfway done yet.

Scene I: Remember the "server admin" TV ads with the boss in the hallway that says, "I emailed you about the email server being down"?

[ring ring, typical answer]
Caller: I was trying the support number, and it said it was disconnected.
Me: I'll check on that. What number are you dialing?
Caller: [the number I answered].
Me: That's certainly a valid number, and we're speaking on it now. Is there something I can help you with?
Caller: The number says it was disconnected.
Me: And that's the number you dialed when I answered just now?
Caller: Yes.
Me: We're on that line right now. Maybe I can help with the reason you're calling?
Caller: That is the reason I'm calling. The number I'm dialing is disconnected.
[Caller hangs up, then calls again with the same problem.]

Scene II: And your telling me this because...?

[ring ring, typical answer]
Caller: I'm not getting the emails I'm supposed to be getting.
Me: What errors are you seeing?
Caller: The sender just gets a bounce error. He tried to forward it to me, and that bounced too.
Me: What address is he trying?
Caller: The wrong one; he has a typo in it.

Scene III: Because we just love it when people ignore instructions:

[ring ring, typical answer, common issue]
Caller: The error says, "See [website that will help them solve it]".
Me: And have you done that?
Caller: No.

Comments

[compwizrd.livejournal.com]

wonder if they were getting one of those "You must dial 10 digits" warnings that we're now getting up here in Ontario(and i'm sure in other areas)

[seattleotaku.livejournal.com]

It's still voluntary if in the same area code here. I could understand telco trunking issues on older equipment and newer CLEC rulings... if I hadn't answered the very number she was reporting as "disconnected". Eh? And why was she calling the first place? ^_^

[compwizrd.livejournal.com]

yeah, it's voluntary here, it'll go through after the message.
throws a fax/modem off though.

in october it won't go through.

[jjjiii]

I figure they're on dial-up and trying to call the helpdesk for their net connection...

[(Anonymous)]

I definitely liked the second one best. Makes me think of people who come to a door that says "Pull" above the handle, and they keep pushing for several minutes until it occurs ot them to pull.

[flainn.livejournal.com]

[seattleotaku.livejournal.com]

Heh... Entrance exam. ^_^

[shifuimam.livejournal.com]

The screened comment was mine - I forgot to log in. :/

[seattleotaku.livejournal.com]

You reach a door labeled "Pull".
> wait
Nothing happens.
> wait
Nothing happens.
> complain
The door smites you. The word "Pull" flashes.
> complain again
The door gives up and waits for the next adventurer.

[flainn.livejournal.com]

You have been eaten by a grue.

[mystii.livejournal.com]

hahah

[hisamishness.livejournal.com]

I just had one that said "needs pliers to replace keys on his laptop keyboard"

[yhnmzwcs.livejournal.com]

Might you have him swear that he knows what he's doing, then give him a permission slip that he can carry his own?

[hisamishness.livejournal.com]

I went up, re-assembled the three keycaps and plastic support structures he'd managed to dislodge, and pointed to the Service Tag on the bottom of the laptop. Told him that if this happens again, call in with that number and we'll order in another keyboard.

[ace-brickman.livejournal.com]

eye con luv

[yhnmzwcs.livejournal.com]

Yours, too is pretty good.
jellobag made it.

Let me make you aware of calvinandhobbes if you weren't before.

[shifuimam.livejournal.com]

How about "he needs a hammer to make his PCI ethernet card fit into his AGP slot"...

...or "he needs a metal file to make his RJ-45 cable fit into an RJ-ll jack"...

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

Caller: The error says, "See [website that will help them solve it]".
Me: And have you done that?


Heh. In the last couple of years, I've started using "And what happened when you did that?", just to drive the point home. There's a fairly good chance that the conversation will then head into one of the following scenarios:

1) *caller hangs up*

2) "Oh, should I do that?" "YYYEP!" *caller hangs up*

3) (For items which say to call someone else) "Oh, isn't that you?" "No, those guys are in a completely different city." "Can you put me through?" "No." *caller hangs up*

4) "Oh, I didn't do that." "Well, do that, and if you run into any other problems, call back." *I hang up*

The best thing about corporate support versions of this is that if the caller's really dumber than a box of rocks and won't hang up, you can ask them to go get their supervisor or manager to read the message for them. That way, there's a great chance that now TWO people will know how dumb the caller is.

And if both of them are too dumb to follow the instructions, the ticket log can be sent to the manager of that site along with a note saying that it appears their staff need more training.