[identity profile] kuang.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] techrecovery
It's been one of those days where you feel you're standing on tip-toe, balancing using the surface tension of the seething miasma of stupidity below, and one false move will plunge you into the despair of the minions mewling away beneath the surface..

Here are a few choice answers to questions I've received today. Make up your own version of the other half of the conversation:

'Does it actually have 8x5 envelopes in that tray? No? That's probably not the best setting then.'

'No, LIT is almost empty, FLASHING is empty.. well which is it?.. erm.. flashing means going on and off..'

'How long's it been like that for?.. about a month?.. and it's urgent?..'

'No, I can't do anything with your home computer... yes, it probably has caught something.'

'The screen went blank? When you plugged your phone charger in, what did you unplug? That one, hmm?'

'Why are you trying to use a dialup connection on your desktop machine?.. so you can get to the websites you use at home...'

'Basically we're all fucked, whichever way you look at it... that was being positive, would you like me to talk about negative?

And my favourite:

'If you want it recovered from the backups I'll need to know what it was called, where it was stored, and when it was last used.... can I just restore everything to your department's shared area from 2 weeks ago? Well, I could but your team-mates might not be too pleased about it. Ok, you go and ask them and get back to me..'

Date: 2006-06-16 06:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] major-error.livejournal.com
Welcome to the techSOBport line, where everyone knows your pain...
Please listen to all options as our menu changes frequently!

Press 1 to schedule user for CLB101 - Introduction to ClueBringer
Press 2, then mash # repeatedly for CLB202 - ClueBringer, Refresh course
Press 3 to kill -9 all user's processes
Press 4 to
kill -9
user
Press 5 to drop user from HR database
Press 6 to alert security to unauthorized access

--
techSOBport is a BOFH Enterprises subsidiary.

Date: 2006-06-16 06:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] flainn.livejournal.com
Press 7 to have security escort employee from building...

Date: 2006-06-16 06:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] flainn.livejournal.com
I think the last two are excellent. I'll add them to my "standard responses" rolodex.

Date: 2006-06-16 06:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] abstrak-tokatl.livejournal.com
how pleasantly evil.

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