I'm in hell

[bynkii.livejournal.com]

(background: P, is the manager of both the internal help desk and the support for agents in the field. She runs all the help desk stuff for the people who actually make the money for our company. This is an important concept to keep in mind. Lifenet is the name for our intranet. It is the home page for IE on Windows via system policy. If you are on our network, and can spell "lifenet", you can get to it.)

Phone: Beep! Beep!

Me: CIS, This is John

P: Hi John, this is P. Hey, how do you get to LifeNet from IE?



John's Brain: *pop* "Fuckit, I'm outta here, see you at home, bring liquor"

Me: Um...you type "lifenet" into the browser? <This has to be some kind of joke. There's no physical or psychological way the head of Micro Support and Field Technical Support is this stupid>

Patty: Well, is it https?

John's Brain: "I'm back, WHATTHEFUCKARE YOU SMOKING YOU STUPID BITCH? IT'S NEVER BEEN HTTPS!! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS OPEN THE FUCKING BROWSER, AND IF THROUGH SOME BIZARRE FUCKUP, YOU *DON'T* SEE LIFENET, JUST SPELL THE WORD "LIFENET" CORRECTLY IN THE FUCKING ADDRESS FIELD AND YOU'LL GET THERE!!!!"

Me: Noooo, no, just...just "http://lifenet" is all you need. That should work...for...you <spoken in that "I'm so not sure what's really happening, my brain is angry and confused, so my mouth is assuming this is serious" tone
>
Patty: Oh, okay, that's the one thing we didn't try, thanks!

Phone: Click

John's Brain: WE??? WE??? WAIT, THERE'S TWWWOOOO PEOPLE THAT STUPID? WHAT FUCKING CRACKHEAD ARE YOU IN THE ROOM WITH?!? HERE'S ONE, WHY DON'T YOU OH, I DON'T KNOW, ASK MICRO SUPPORT, YOU KNOW, THE FUCKING HELP DESK THAT YOU'RE IN CHARGE OF YOU FUCKING ACEPHALIC DINGALINGAAHHH0Q9EUR[QEIJW IKADSAEFIS'LL"

I think my brain just imploded. I was right. There is a limit to how much cynicism, anger, and disdain a job can generate in you, and once you cross it, it's an event horizon. Your brain implodes, and all you can think about are butterflies. Pretty butterflies.

Words cannot describe the magnitude of the despair such a call brings me.

Comments

[hisamishness.livejournal.com]

such pretty butterflies....

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

Look on the brightside; she makes a whole lot more money than you and has to deal with tax accountants and how to clean a 4000 square foot house, not to mention all the pain of getting repairs done on a German car. Her life sucks!

[bynkii.livejournal.com]

I wish...at least that would give me something to hope for.

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

Our ticketing system shows us when we're dealing with upper management. I just finished remoting into a user's box, and, after reading message out loud; "you cannot write files to top three levels of server" explained that she had to go one more level down to write her file. She's upper management, no doubt making more in 10 years than I'll make in my life time. Un-fucking-believable. At least I have the consolation of understanding how the physical side of life works, down to the quantum level. Yeah, that's real comforting as I drive home to my trailer...

[kizayaen.livejournal.com]

Jesus Christ.

I had a call the other night where an end-user asked me, and I quote:

"I'm in the Internet and I need to go to mybiaxinxl dot com. Can you tell me where it is?"

What. The. Fuck. Is this a trick question?

Tool said it very very well.

A groan of tedium escapes me,
Startling the fearful.
Is this a test? It has to be,
Otherwise I can't go on.
Draining patience, drain vitality.
This paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old.

But I'm still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
And I'm still right here.
  ~ Tool, "The Patient"

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

Heh.. I don't think those lyrics really apply to tech support ;)

[kizayaen.livejournal.com]

They certainly weren't originally WRITTEN about tech support... but I think they apply just fine, thank you very much. ;)