1337 tickets.

[darkblade1.livejournal.com]

I guess I was typing a little too fast today.

Cust notes no connection. r3s3t modem. cust online.

Guess the finger went a little north and nailed the 3. A coworker of mine emailed me and said:

"Well, at least there is some style in the tickets. Plus, we all understand it."

Anyone seen anything unusual in their tickets before? Let's hear some stories.

Comments

[fearrett.livejournal.com]

Case issue: Customer has blaster worm
Steps taken: Ran hardware diagnostics
Conclusion: System is functioning normally.

[darkblade1.livejournal.com]

Nice.

[fearrett.livejournal.com]

I honestly spent about 20 seconds sitting there with the customer on the line going "whattheshitwhattheshitwhattheshitwhattheshit"

[darkblade1.livejournal.com]

Haha. I like the response.

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

Customer is calling me a "buttfucking cuntwhore" and would like me to note that our company is made up exclusively of "jackoffs who wanna play games" and that he "isn't gonna fucking pay to be fucked in the butt by a bunch of fucking cuntwhores".

[darkblade1.livejournal.com]

Ah yes. Those people. I remember a guy calling me a cock sucking fuck who just follows the script (when were just all freestyle) all because I wouldn't help him with his router. Waa...

My supervisor laughs at you too while he listens in. Luckily he sits right next to me. We get along so well. The phones are ours! We totally jam out to some serious rock and roll at 10pm, until 12. :)

Muahahahaha!

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

The most objectively offensive thing any customer has ever said to me is "Your mother's got two cunts, and you're one of em".

[darkblade1.livejournal.com]

I'd have to think about the worst thing said to me. I've heard alot, but I can't think of one that "takes the cake"

[duality.livejournal.com]

had one blame me for a child's death because i wouldn't advance exchange him a printer.

[kallell.livejournal.com]

and they say it like that too

[zzyzx.livejournal.com]

I see variations of that as well, in a completely different field.

[fragbert.livejournal.com]

I am such a grammar/spelling nazi, my cow-orkers were seriously considering lynching me after I negatively critiqued their tickets for what seemed to be the thousandth time.

Then, I submitted a ticket with the gem, "laptop borken."

The boss (danicia) wouldn't let me change it back. And I caught hell for weeks.

[darkblade1.livejournal.com]

I'm the same way at work. I look at some of the other tickets, and I just think....hmm are my co-workers lazy, or did they actually graduate high school? Makes me wonder some days. At home though, I usually just spill whatever is in my head.

[thalionar.livejournal.com]

hahahahhahahah! I can totally see her doing that, too! ^_^

[klytus.livejournal.com]

Was that the ticket that someone took a screenshot of and plastered all over the outside of your cube? Or am I thinking of the time someone elses worklog contained the gem "Had user shit the F5 key"?

[klytus.livejournal.com]

I, of course, was infamous for MY typos as well. I just never caught hell for them, cus I never gave folks a hard time about their own typos. Though once, I did have liakela howling because a worklog of mine she was reading had "doe snot" (meant to type "does not").

[fragbert.livejournal.com]

No, that was Steve B.'s infamous "Computer shits down" remark.

[klytus.livejournal.com]

Ah! Thanks for the reminder.

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

The Tier 1 people can't speak English (They are all Americans and live in Ohio, by the way).

We always get tickets about something that "needs changed". Not "needs changing," nor yet "needs to be changed." "Needs changed."

My favorite recent ticket was Clients [sic] XXXX tab is missing in the XXXXXX screen. He cannot access it do [sic] to it not being there. He need [sic] to have it added back. Client need [sic] to have his phone updated in profile.

All in one ticket.

[spaz-own-joo.livejournal.com]

That's actually accepted vernacular. "Needs changed" is something you see in England more than in America, but it's acceptable colloquial English.

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

I'm gonna need some documentation on this! :)

[spaz-own-joo.livejournal.com]

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=needs

Regional Note: When need is used as the main verb, it can be followed by a present participle, as in The car needs washing, or by to be plus a past participle, as in The car needs to be washed. However, in some areas of the United States, especially western Pennsylvania and eastern Ohio, many speakers omit to be and use just the past participle form, as in The car needs washed. This use of need with past participles is slightly more common in the British Isles, being particularly prevalent in Scotland.

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

OK, I see, so, like creating plurals with apostrophes, it's not necessarily right, it's just done.

Thank Pete my Brit boyfriend never said it. :)

[spaz-own-joo.livejournal.com]

Generally speaking, any usage that's documented in a dictionary can be considered acceptable slang if not, strictly speaking, 'correct.'

You won't find any plurals with apostrophes in the dictionary, for instance.

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

A fine line, to be sure. I'll go with Scripps Howard on this one. Regionalizations, daggers, and double-daggers not accepted. ;)

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

Besides, even if it is acceptable slang, I still wouldn't accept "ain't" or "fixing to get this done" or similar in a ticket. A ticket just isn't the place for colloquialisms.

[canray.livejournal.com]

I often have to escalate tickets to Registration (That's what I call 'em, they have a strange name that's changed five times in the nine months I've worked here), and they'll get denied for the stupidest reasons.

Spelling mistakes. A colon out of place. Whatever.

Once, I included all the info (I've gotten compliments on my tickets to them.), and it came back denied due to "Lack Of Fup.".

"Fup?" Supervisor had no clue, noone did. Not even the guys in Registration when we called them. Made 'em do it while we were on the phone with 'em, works. Five minutes. Just a permissions thing that I wasn't allowed, that's it.

[goose-entity.livejournal.com]

"I'm sorry, sir, but your computer died due to a lack of fup."

... :)

[spaz-own-joo.livejournal.com]

FUPPING DELL!

[goose-entity.livejournal.com]

now, now, no need to say D**l in polite company!

... wait... polite company?!!? Who am I kidding ;)

[harmer.livejournal.com]

I haven't anything weird per se, but I find with my own tickets when I'm creating them, I think they're sooo indepth and clear (and I've been told they are). But yet whenever I go look at old tickets, my notes won't make any sense! "Set e-mail OE test email password reset verified MAC ID good received". I just assume we were in queue and I was too lazy to care but I pay so much attention to my notes, I have no idea how they get all incoherent!

Also, I've seen people try to ~pretty~ up their notes. I've seen things like:

~~~***troubleshooting steps taken***~~~
-*-powercycled modem
~*~rebooted pc

It makes me laugh at the lameness.

[jdotmi.livejournal.com]

There are too many painful things to recount... far too many...

None of which beats the temp (older gentleman, old sweet grandpa voice, DUMB AS A FUCKING POST) who used to call the people on the other end of the phone "You and your little friends" and talk about the computers and registers as "those little rascals".

He'd also spend 45 minutes on a call that the rest of us would be done with in 5, 10 minutes tops.