techrecovery | I say modem, you say network card... let's call the whole thing off

Alright... How many times has this happened to you?

Lady calls in, says: Yeah, I just brought my laptop from home and I'm trying to connect it to the network, but your plugin thingies are the wrong size.
Moi: Erm.. um... *sinking feeling* Are you trying to plug your modem into the network?
Lady: No, no... I use it to connect at home.
Moi: Do you have... dial-up at home?
Lady: No, no! It's for my computer.
Moi: Yes... alright... Um... when you connect does it busy up your phone line?
Lady: Yes.
Moi: Do you have another jack in back besides the one you use to connect at home?
Lady: No.
Moi: Alright, then you are trying to connect with a modem. You need a network card.
Lady: That won't work?
Moi: No.
Lady: Couldn't you just get a different cord and plugin?

This continues until it ended with me telling her the entire story of network cards vs. modems... Something like this happens at least once a week. Why? If it doesn't plug in to your computer, maybe it's not the right cord, alright? Maybe I know what I'm talking about, okay? *weeps*