Note to kindly gents at Helpdesk

[xforge.livejournal.com]

When someone calls and says their printer isn't working, before sending a deskside agent out, please could you ask three simple questions:

1) Is it plugged in?

2) Is it turned on?

3) Is it connected to the computer?

Thanks. Y'all do a frickin' kickass job otherwise but PLEASE.

Comments

[valancy17.livejournal.com]

my orker who does tech support got an email yesterday claiming our website gave this guy a virus. apparently he's new to tech support, because his first response is NOT something sensible, like asking the user what's going on and why user thinks he got a virus from us. no, his first response is to call our tech folks and say "ack! we're sending out viruses! fix it!!!!" and they're like "that is not possible. talk to the user and find out what he's talking about." and he says "but we're sending out viruses! you have to fix it!"

*sigh*

[ravenshrinkery.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't always say that's necessary. When your performance reviews are done based on how many tickets you complete, I'll gladly take those kind of gravy tickets that the helpdesk couldn't be bothered to solve.

Then again, there's some lusers you wouldn't want trying. They will find a way to jam the USB connector into the 240 power input.

[oggsmith.livejournal.com]

how about paper. i get there and there's no paper in the printer but theres a half a ream sitting right next to the printer. bah

[coyoteden.livejournal.com]

4) Does it have paper?

5) Did someone take a shit in it? (http://teqkiller.livejournal.com/444577.html)

[jecook]

That might be an improvement to the gene pool. :)

I had a luser figure out how to plug a USB cable in UPSIDE DOWN. and of course, the port was completely destroyed.

[greeklady.livejournal.com]

Hell I am still trying to get them to figure out the location of the customer. Our buildings are grid patterns so you can sit at 2F6, reads second floor column pole F6. They can't even get that right. And you are hoping they will ask if it is plugged in and turned on!

Madness I tell you! Madness!!

[xforge.livejournal.com]

You make very good points.

[grayhawkfh.livejournal.com]

Remember rule #1.

Even if they ask these questions, they'll still get answers that do not in any way reflect reality...

[xforge.livejournal.com]

Ever so true.

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

Sorry. Was on email today and closed 163 tickets today. If I took the time to ask for relevent details, I'd have no time for LJ or /. If I don't post every day, people won't think I'm cool.

[xforge.livejournal.com]

There's gotta be a happy medium somewhere. Besides, we've been (knock wood) slow as hell lately!!

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

Well, by 1:30, I just started sending most tickets to HR help desk. I hate HR.

[kayfox.livejournal.com]

Hello, IT?

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Are you sure its plugged in?

[byh.livejournal.com]

Hm. That would require some strength.

Mine usually get more creative and just "shape" plugs if they don't fit.

[theogrin.livejournal.com]

(Continuing the IT Crowd, just because I'm sardonic and have had issues recently...)

Did you try refreshing your cache?

No, not that cache, the other one. ...no, sir, putting dollar bills in your floppy drive will not work. ...no, sir, neither will placing a credit card in your CD tray, no matter whether or not it fits.

Is your keyboard connected? No, not to that, to the computer. No, the computer is not the screen. No, the computer is not your keyboard. Hold, please, while I transfer you to tier 2.

[xforge.livejournal.com]

heeheeheehee

Been *there* already... sigh

[xforge.livejournal.com]

Last meeting of the Ops team, we actually mentioned changing the on-hold recording so it says "Try restarting." I can't wait to see how that changes our stats...

[thalionar.livejournal.com]

we've been bucking for that for *years* and they won't let us do it except under very special circumstances.

[xforge.livejournal.com]

We were able to get "go to the 'help' web page and write down your IP address," so maybe this will go also. Not holding my breath though.

[thalionar.livejournal.com]

*crosses fingers for you*

[kait-the-great.livejournal.com]

I always loved the phrase in your icon. I've seen it on buttons, but I'm not daring (or lesbian enough) to wear one :P

That won't work if they LIE to you...

[kait-the-great.livejournal.com]

If only it were that easy.

"Hello, help desk, co-op monkey (happy monkey, but monkey) speaking."

"Hi, this is $user from $department, $otherusers moniter isn't working."

"Well, this might sound strange, but could you please just check that it's plugged in all the way? Maybe jiggle it a little?"

"Oh we tried that..."

"Oh ok, sorry... let me come take a look."

I walk over, walk up to desk, crawl under, jiggle the cable and plug it in firmly and tighten the screw-thingies... ta da! No more creepy colours flashing crazy, much more login screen.

To which $otheruser says, "Oh, we should have tried that."

[valancy17.livejournal.com]

to paraphrase Monty Python, the lesbian don't enter into it. I'm not a lesbian and I don't practice witchcraft. I just liked the sentiment. :)

Re: That won't work if they LIE to you...

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, this kind of user crap will keep happening until you hit upon a way to MAKE them fix it while you're on the phone.

I've found that "Oh, good. In that case, could I get you to check the pin configuration in the end of the cable {or some other bullshit that they have to pull the cable out for, like blowing nonexistent dust out of it} and read it off to me? Uh-huh, looking good. I'll just get you to plug that back in for us, and I'll run some checks from this end to make sure it's reading back correctly. Is it plugged in tight? Good stuff. One last check - has the screen color changed? Oh, it's working now?" often works for me.

Never, *ever* ask a yes/no question or tell them to do something simple, for they will lie about the former and say "I've already done that" about the latter.

One trick I've found which works quite well is to ask them to do something that "they've already done", while you "monitor it from the server end". Fight bullshit with bullshit, and make sure it all lands on them.

Re: That won't work if they LIE to you...

[xforge.livejournal.com]

Last night I did something similar; she kept saying she'd already restarted lots of times and still no network. So I said "Look, just shut it down and forget about it for like, 10 minutes and then come back and restart it." She called back about a half hour later and said it was working fine. Sometimes a restart isn't really a restart, I guess.