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Mar. 19th, 2006 01:57 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
pantherchild.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
techrecovery~There were several bs-y HC (HC == Human Capitol == Human Resources) things that we had to do as new hires. Two of the trainings, our boss sat in on a little. One he sat in on because he was hiding from someone, and the other because he was forced to. (It had been a point of pride with him that he'd always avoided the HC bs trainings.)
~Now, the first one was 'soft skills' or--as I liked to refer to them--'soft skillz, yo'. It was basically a course in how to be nice to people. Some of the more memorable moments:
Teacher: Now, for this survival exersize, you have a lsit of items and you need to rank them as to what you need most to survive.
Scott [coworker]: I want the shotgun and the sleeping pills.
Teacher: You want...what?
Scott: See, I'd kill everyone one with the shotgun, then take the pills and lie down in the snow.
Teacher: You know what would happen to you if you did that...right?
Scott: Yes. I don't want to wait around to be rescued.
~(We've since decided to never give Scott any kind of weapon.)
Teacher: Now, how would you make a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich? Christian? Prehaps you would like to answer?
Christian [boss]: Of course. First, I'd form a committee to discuss the sandwhich. Then...who do I hate most? Oh, Karl. I'd delegate the peanut butter to Karl. Then...
Teacher: I do not think you are really getting the exersize.
Teacher: Shall we play 'Get A Rock' with Christian?
(Note: This is a stupid game designed to teach you to be sepsific in what you ask for from users. The teacher asks for a rock, and you give her items until she decides the one you give her is what she wants.)
Coworkers: Sure.
Teacher: Go get a rock.
*hands her a soda can*
Teacher: This is too light.
*hands her a giant penguin--no REALLY*
Teacher: This is too big.
*hands her a coworker*
Teacher: Um, that's not what I wanted.
*hands her paper*
Teacher: *laughs* This is a frusterating game, isn't it Christian?
Christian: I like it. We're going to start playing it at staff meetings.
~Now, the last training was the Belbin 9-roles crap. You have to fill out a survay ahead of time that scores you in each of the nine roles. It also gives you a little summery of your personailty and what jobs you'd be best in. It's pretty neat, to be honest.
~We all did our stuff, turned em in, and at the end we all had to discuss what our roles were.
Me: Well, I'm aparently well suited for a position where I can be outgoing and perky.
Group: HAH. WE'RE SO SURPIRSED. <--sarcasim
Christian: Aparently, I've not had an origianl thought in years.
Group: HAH.
~Then, after the training, Christian sent out a big e-mail.
From: Christian
To: L1s
Subject: Leveraging the Team Effectivly
Starting now, please assign all of the tickets you have left on Friday that are unfinished to Scott as he is the Completer/Finisher in the group.
------
From: Scott
To: L1s
Subject: Re: Leveraging the Team Effectivly
Please note that KARL is the Completer/Finisher. I'm the Monitor Evaluator who nitpicks the details.
------
From: Shane
To: L1s
Subject: Re: Leveraging the Team Effectivly
I gave Christian the idea, since I'm the Planter who comes up with ideas...and he's not had an original one in years.
------
From: Kitty
To: L1s
Subject: Re: Leveraging the Team Effectivly
If you need anything to do this, please let me know as I'm the Resource Coordinator. But talk quickly because I get distracted...OOO A SHINY.
------
From: Sam, Team Lead who did not go to the training
To: L1s
Subject: Re: Leveraging the Team Effectivly
What the fuck are you people talking about?
~Between stuff like that, the random beer, and the sheer awesomeness of my coworkers...I think I have the BEST JOB EVER.~
~Now, the first one was 'soft skills' or--as I liked to refer to them--'soft skillz, yo'. It was basically a course in how to be nice to people. Some of the more memorable moments:
Teacher: Now, for this survival exersize, you have a lsit of items and you need to rank them as to what you need most to survive.
Scott [coworker]: I want the shotgun and the sleeping pills.
Teacher: You want...what?
Scott: See, I'd kill everyone one with the shotgun, then take the pills and lie down in the snow.
Teacher: You know what would happen to you if you did that...right?
Scott: Yes. I don't want to wait around to be rescued.
~(We've since decided to never give Scott any kind of weapon.)
Teacher: Now, how would you make a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich? Christian? Prehaps you would like to answer?
Christian [boss]: Of course. First, I'd form a committee to discuss the sandwhich. Then...who do I hate most? Oh, Karl. I'd delegate the peanut butter to Karl. Then...
Teacher: I do not think you are really getting the exersize.
Teacher: Shall we play 'Get A Rock' with Christian?
(Note: This is a stupid game designed to teach you to be sepsific in what you ask for from users. The teacher asks for a rock, and you give her items until she decides the one you give her is what she wants.)
Coworkers: Sure.
Teacher: Go get a rock.
*hands her a soda can*
Teacher: This is too light.
*hands her a giant penguin--no REALLY*
Teacher: This is too big.
*hands her a coworker*
Teacher: Um, that's not what I wanted.
*hands her paper*
Teacher: *laughs* This is a frusterating game, isn't it Christian?
Christian: I like it. We're going to start playing it at staff meetings.
~Now, the last training was the Belbin 9-roles crap. You have to fill out a survay ahead of time that scores you in each of the nine roles. It also gives you a little summery of your personailty and what jobs you'd be best in. It's pretty neat, to be honest.
~We all did our stuff, turned em in, and at the end we all had to discuss what our roles were.
Me: Well, I'm aparently well suited for a position where I can be outgoing and perky.
Group: HAH. WE'RE SO SURPIRSED. <--sarcasim
Christian: Aparently, I've not had an origianl thought in years.
Group: HAH.
~Then, after the training, Christian sent out a big e-mail.
From: Christian
To: L1s
Subject: Leveraging the Team Effectivly
Starting now, please assign all of the tickets you have left on Friday that are unfinished to Scott as he is the Completer/Finisher in the group.
------
From: Scott
To: L1s
Subject: Re: Leveraging the Team Effectivly
Please note that KARL is the Completer/Finisher. I'm the Monitor Evaluator who nitpicks the details.
------
From: Shane
To: L1s
Subject: Re: Leveraging the Team Effectivly
I gave Christian the idea, since I'm the Planter who comes up with ideas...and he's not had an original one in years.
------
From: Kitty
To: L1s
Subject: Re: Leveraging the Team Effectivly
If you need anything to do this, please let me know as I'm the Resource Coordinator. But talk quickly because I get distracted...OOO A SHINY.
------
From: Sam, Team Lead who did not go to the training
To: L1s
Subject: Re: Leveraging the Team Effectivly
What the fuck are you people talking about?
~Between stuff like that, the random beer, and the sheer awesomeness of my coworkers...I think I have the BEST JOB EVER.~
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