techrecovery | 2 Tards and 2 Scottsmen

I'm pulling another suicide shift, or as I call them (being an overnight technician), an All-Dayer. The last time I did this, I stayed throughout my shift (11pm-8am) until my shift the next night, including that 2nd shift. Anyway, that's 33 hours. And I'm doing it again, folks.
22 hours into this one, I've gotten 2 seemingly retarded people, and 2 seemingly Scottish people.

Tard #1 - I was honestly convinced I was talking to Handy Man from In Living Color
Tard #2 - Goblin. If he wasn't oozing a foul smelling substance I'd be surprised. This Larry Flint sound-alike should have been being commanded by a tight-trousered David Bowie.

Scottsmen #1 - Had an accent so thick and stereotypical, I bit my fist to not giggle. It didn't help that he was angry. Few things in life are funnier than a mad scott.
Scottsmen #2 (Scottswoman #1) - Subtle accent, possibly British at first. Few minutes into the call I almost shouted out "SCOTTISHISH!"

Aside from biting my lip to keep the Braveheart jokes to myself, and hoping they would hit some water so I could hear their spawn popping out of their back, ...I dunno. I have nothing to finish this sentence with. It's now 25 hours into the shift and I'm passing out now.