Dear hungry asshole.....

[lordstorm.livejournal.com]

Stop. Fucking. Eating. Directly. Into. The. Phone.

I'm serious. Put down your ice-cream cone, or slobbery chew-toy, or chilled monkey brains, and have the decency to talk to another human being who is trying to fucking help you in a like manner. Every time you pause to fill your gob and dribble most of it down your chin is another few precious seconds I can't hasten to get your starving ass off my phone. You wouldn't talk to me face to face chewing on your cud and expect the same sort of polite service now, would you? Have some decency and treat us like the humans we actually are (or try to be, with people like you devouring our sanity): eating quietly even after I've politely requested for you to stop shovelling shit into your ever-munching hole does certainly not endear me to aiding you with your brainless questions on an issue you fucking started. If you must, chew some gum or something, but man, when I can hear that shit trickle back out of your mouth or the occasional gurgle as you try to swallow it too fast, I have to physically drag my Finger of Stabbity™ away from the Answer/Release button and quitely choke the shit out of my stress-toy.

Do us a favour. Inhale at the wrong moment and fucking choke to death or something. It will end my pain, and hopefully, yours.

No love,
LS

Comments

[obliquity.livejournal.com]

Calls like this make me glad I'm not actually on the phone anymore. But we get our share of assholes on chat support too. But at least we don't have to *hear* them. heh

[lordstorm.livejournal.com]

The sad thing is, I'm third-line/-tier support. People call me when their virtual networks, leased lines, or Ciscos go wonky. I can understand if 1st- or 2nd-line cop this attitude, but most high-level coporate support are actually run by people who have a slight clue with what they're doing.

Unless they're managers of course. And they couldn't give a shit about anyone. Guess who I scored, I wonder?

[obliquity.livejournal.com]

Oh boo-urns. That does suck.

[(Anonymous)]

Tell him to stop again because it is a rude phone manner. If he goes all crazy, just tell him again in a calm manner.

He will get it. Seriously.

[ravenshrinkery.livejournal.com]

It used to piss me off when techs did it that couldn't figure out how to use their mute button effectively to hide it. I used to hit their mute buttons for them and throw their food out when they did it with customers on the line. I woulda given them the drill sergeant treatment if I could. That's just lazy.

[bekscilla.livejournal.com]

You rock! Honestly, techs shouldn't be eating while on calls anyway, but if they're going to insist on doing it and not using the mute button for it, they deserve to have their food thrown out.

[ravenshrinkery.livejournal.com]

Hey, I used to do it too. Here's some hints for those of you who do:

1) Don't eat chips. Whatever you do. Crunchy foods are the worst. You really can't mute it.
2) Wait for lulls in the conversation. If the customer's going on a tirade about how lousy your company/producy/SoS is, now's a good time to munch a snack while they're on mute and you're reading LJ or /.
3) Bodily noises are a dead giveaway and rather rude for their own sake. If you're prone to them when you eat, maybe this isn't the right time for you to be munching.
4) Make sure you've COMPLETELY finished your bite before you've taken them off mute. This is the most common mute mistake while eating - and customers and auditors notice. In fact, that's usually how you get caught.

Food for thought - pun intended :).

[dog-star-man.livejournal.com]

It's funny because it's true.

[grayhawkfh.livejournal.com]

Worst incident I've ever dealt with of this nature had to be when the inconsiderate assmunch on the other end of the phone would only stop neeping long enough to shovel another spoon of Grape-Nuts into their festering pie-hole.

...not that I'm bitter about this or anything...

[jecook]

Strangely enough, I had that happen I think once during my Hell Desk tenure.

Most peopel I talk with on the phone now have enough common sense to not eat when I'm around.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

Callers get one chance to stop, and then they meet Mr Dialtone. I have other people waiting who actually give a flying rat's ass about their problem. Mr Chew Toy can go to the back of the queue until the gorfuling is over.

[bekscilla.livejournal.com]

Listening to people chew over the phone has made me not be able to stand listening to noisy eaters in person. It used to be, i didn't notice it, but the people on the phone are so disgusting, it has made people in person sound worse.

[prozacnation.livejournal.com]

I had a cow-orker that used to fill her hole and then talk to you with her mouth full.

She used to spray her chocolate bits or popcorn at me everytime she would talk.

When I wasn't at my desk or when I left, she would break into my desk to copy my "notes" (I was a new employee) to give to the supervisor for her binder for training others. I found her chocolate crumbs on my desk the next day.

It didn't help that she was over 60 and used to fall asleep at her desk and had 100+ files all over the place. I can't believe I stayed there a year.

The variation I had on her last name was "crotchgrabber". Both her and my supervisor (a professional cheerleader for our local football team who was in charge of mortgage servicing in a bank) were both complete bitches.

[tjernobyl.livejournal.com]

Well, I'd rather hear that than the flush...

[trixtah.livejournal.com]

The flush isn't bad, it's what goes on beforehand... :-/

But I can't stand noisy eaters either, in person, in the movies or on the phone. Trouble is, on the phone, you're a captive audience. Unless of course you employ the Finger of Stabbity™, which, when it's your bloody boss, isn't really an option.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

"I think you're breaking up, boss... khhhrchz... what? Llama? Kkhhhrchz... umbrella phone... khhhrchz... Harry Potter... khhhrchz... custard. Can you call me back from another location?"

[i-interrupted.livejournal.com]

at least they weren't talking to you while they were doing their business in the bathroom. no not ending with a flush..full on no shame. and then lets not forget the perves who only called just to hear your voice ans ask you to say "can i help you" throatier this time. bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech!

[duality.livejournal.com]

we have a very young person working on our desk, and she has had no previous phone employment. a few months back, while on the phone she gets this horrified look on her face. she then mutes the call and says "he just flushed!" we told her it was considered a right of passage here, everyone had it done to them.