Not-so-personal interlude
Nov. 19th, 2005 12:31 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
toxico.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
techrecoveryMost of us have been here at one time or another, but as much as people (ESPECIALLY the Exchange admins! GRARF.) piss me off on a daily basis, I am thankful that I am gainfully employed in a place that ensures that I will never have to post something such as what follows. This was posted Thursday night in a friend of mine's personal LJ (posted with permission):
"I'm still pissed as fuck that this call center is moving to ******. ******. Nobody, save for one guy who has no reason to stay, has taken up their offer to move to ******.
And I'm not just pissed because I'm getting laid off. God damn it, I can get a job anywhere...
...But I highly doubt that I will ever find a team like this one again.
My boss? She feels bad if she doesn't stop by everyone's desk and personally make sure everything's fine before she leaves. She feels guilty if she forgets to say goodnight to us all. This isn't doublespeak for micro-management, either. ****** is the best fucking manager EVAR, hands down, and god damn it, they're tearing her team away.
Every last person on this contract, even the worst workers, do more than their part to keep this place running. Our SLA adherence has been at least 96% the entire time I've been here. We've been lauded repeatedly at executive meetings, and we've never had a single complaint lodged against us. We have a turnaround time for every single regular issue of 24 hours. We have a turnaround for high-priority issues of 3 hours. AND WE GET THAT SHIT DONE.
Coming in late? Call ****** and warn her, and you're cool. That's it. Family emergency? Need some time off? It's all good.
And the fucking work environment? I'm typing this from inside a 5'-walled cubicle. I haven't had a desk job in a real cube for far too long, as employers eschew cubes for regular old desks or (God forbid) NOC-style rows of desks. They don't filter the internet here at all. They don't give a fuck what we do with the internet, as long as the goddamned job gets done.
And we got that motherfucker done. Front end issues, back-end corruption recovery, server issues, hardware issues, god damn the execs to hell because we knocked all that shit out like it was playing with marbles. This isn't fucking VZW where an "error before the fucking switch" means a customer gets their account all fucked up for a month or longer - we had the exact same kind of issue, a PSOF error.... so they gave us access and let us clear the errors ourselves. Hardware issue? We overnight it to you. This is the only IT desk I've worked at where, 100% of the time, we did the goddamned job and did it well."
Tomorrow we're all done.
God dammit.
The last day, however, didn't stop him from having fun with closing existing tickets:
SYMPTOM/MSG: register 2 has error
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: store was broken into, and pc lines were cut.
RESOLUTION: The Joker was behind this! Notified Batman.
(Note: Our dept. does not handle this kind of thing.)
SYMPTOM/MSG: POS
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: resume wizard
RESOLUTION: Paladin saves, wizard resumes. Dragon slain. Found 300 gp. Gained 1200 exp.
(Note: POS stands for Point Of Sale system.)
SYMPTOM/MSG: unable to clock in store
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: No data base error message
RESOLUTION: The long term No Database curse. If this has not been remedied by now, then it never will be.
(Note: this ticket is over a week old, so they had to have submitted more than one.)
SYMPTOM/MSG: POS
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: sku #15103715
RESOLUTION: INDEED! That SKU does, in fact, exist! And the crowd goes wild!
(SKU = unique numerical identifier for all items sold in stores.)
SYMPTOM/MSG: Upgrade SKU for items says not found
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: Store: 0916 Will not work on Term 1 or 2.
Contact: Name: XXXXXXXXXXX
Tried to reboot Term 1 & 2 and not working
RESOLUTION: Praise be. I have faith in both our lord Jesus Christ and in the ideal that this has already been dealt with.
(This ticket was lurking in the queues from over a month ago due to incorrect entries in the problem type fields.)
SYMPTOM/MSG: bta waiting error
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: getting waiting error on terminal 1
RESOLUTION: Welp, That's Showbiz! Da na na naaaa naaa naa nanana naaaa naaaa naaaa
(BTA: system that we use for certain transactions. Often gives Waiting error for no reason, actual fix is to reboot system.)
SYMPTOM/MSG: pos
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: Closing issues, she says tht is has been a slow day and they couldnt possibly have alot of cash in their POS, SHORT $619.96and system cash $801.47
RESOLUTION: Freeze! Turn out your pockets! Right now! We'll get to the bottom of this!
(snicker)
SYMPTOM/MSG: POS
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: ERROR: SERVER IS NOT AVAILABLE, THIS IS HAPPENING ON BOTH TERMINALS
RESOLUTION: FAULTY CAPSLOCK KEY, USERS SHOULD LEARN HOW TO HIT IT.
SYMPTOM/MSG: Cash Drawer will not open.
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: Issue - Cash Drawer will not open. Checked cable from receipt printer to cashdrawer. Installed new roll of paper in receipt printer. Powercycled receipt printer. Tried "no sale" in mgr function, printer will print, but cash drawer still will not open.
RESOLUTION: Dispatching crowbar.
SYMPTOM/MSG: NXT POS Loan Setup Issue *Exception*
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: Issue: the client entered 15000 for loan 3 times. Total 450.00
Had the client finish the loan,
Close Terminal
Total Term1 SHORT $300.00.
Then had the client reopen Terminal 1
RESOLUTION: In the employee handbook, you will find a list called "things we don't do at IT support." This includes fixing your mistakes when you admittedly put the wrong amount in. See also: Learn to read.
SYMPTOM/MSG: pos
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: sku for lsg225 red
RESOLUTION: What? NO HABLA VENUSIAN
SYMPTOM/MSG: cannot store email
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: needs to be able to store them on hard drive
RESOLUTION: Email is already stored on a hard drive. Just not the user's. It may come as a bit of a shock, but we run Exchange, which stores mail on the server hard drive. If you're asking us to export it... no.
And in his own style, at the end of Friday, he posted his final farewell:
"As of this very minute, no more ****** IT.
Bummer.
Packed it up, killed all my email and personal files, grabbed all my stuff, removed vital entries from the registry, made sure on reboot that the computer was hosed. Long standing policy when dealing with workstations: As you leave for the final time, light the OS on fire."
I love my friends. They always go out with a fight. I still feel for the guy though.
"I'm still pissed as fuck that this call center is moving to ******. ******. Nobody, save for one guy who has no reason to stay, has taken up their offer to move to ******.
And I'm not just pissed because I'm getting laid off. God damn it, I can get a job anywhere...
...But I highly doubt that I will ever find a team like this one again.
My boss? She feels bad if she doesn't stop by everyone's desk and personally make sure everything's fine before she leaves. She feels guilty if she forgets to say goodnight to us all. This isn't doublespeak for micro-management, either. ****** is the best fucking manager EVAR, hands down, and god damn it, they're tearing her team away.
Every last person on this contract, even the worst workers, do more than their part to keep this place running. Our SLA adherence has been at least 96% the entire time I've been here. We've been lauded repeatedly at executive meetings, and we've never had a single complaint lodged against us. We have a turnaround time for every single regular issue of 24 hours. We have a turnaround for high-priority issues of 3 hours. AND WE GET THAT SHIT DONE.
Coming in late? Call ****** and warn her, and you're cool. That's it. Family emergency? Need some time off? It's all good.
And the fucking work environment? I'm typing this from inside a 5'-walled cubicle. I haven't had a desk job in a real cube for far too long, as employers eschew cubes for regular old desks or (God forbid) NOC-style rows of desks. They don't filter the internet here at all. They don't give a fuck what we do with the internet, as long as the goddamned job gets done.
And we got that motherfucker done. Front end issues, back-end corruption recovery, server issues, hardware issues, god damn the execs to hell because we knocked all that shit out like it was playing with marbles. This isn't fucking VZW where an "error before the fucking switch" means a customer gets their account all fucked up for a month or longer - we had the exact same kind of issue, a PSOF error.... so they gave us access and let us clear the errors ourselves. Hardware issue? We overnight it to you. This is the only IT desk I've worked at where, 100% of the time, we did the goddamned job and did it well."
Tomorrow we're all done.
God dammit.
The last day, however, didn't stop him from having fun with closing existing tickets:
SYMPTOM/MSG: register 2 has error
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: store was broken into, and pc lines were cut.
RESOLUTION: The Joker was behind this! Notified Batman.
(Note: Our dept. does not handle this kind of thing.)
SYMPTOM/MSG: POS
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: resume wizard
RESOLUTION: Paladin saves, wizard resumes. Dragon slain. Found 300 gp. Gained 1200 exp.
(Note: POS stands for Point Of Sale system.)
SYMPTOM/MSG: unable to clock in store
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: No data base error message
RESOLUTION: The long term No Database curse. If this has not been remedied by now, then it never will be.
(Note: this ticket is over a week old, so they had to have submitted more than one.)
SYMPTOM/MSG: POS
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: sku #15103715
RESOLUTION: INDEED! That SKU does, in fact, exist! And the crowd goes wild!
(SKU = unique numerical identifier for all items sold in stores.)
SYMPTOM/MSG: Upgrade SKU for items says not found
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: Store: 0916 Will not work on Term 1 or 2.
Contact: Name: XXXXXXXXXXX
Tried to reboot Term 1 & 2 and not working
RESOLUTION: Praise be. I have faith in both our lord Jesus Christ and in the ideal that this has already been dealt with.
(This ticket was lurking in the queues from over a month ago due to incorrect entries in the problem type fields.)
SYMPTOM/MSG: bta waiting error
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: getting waiting error on terminal 1
RESOLUTION: Welp, That's Showbiz! Da na na naaaa naaa naa nanana naaaa naaaa naaaa
(BTA: system that we use for certain transactions. Often gives Waiting error for no reason, actual fix is to reboot system.)
SYMPTOM/MSG: pos
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: Closing issues, she says tht is has been a slow day and they couldnt possibly have alot of cash in their POS, SHORT $619.96and system cash $801.47
RESOLUTION: Freeze! Turn out your pockets! Right now! We'll get to the bottom of this!
(snicker)
SYMPTOM/MSG: POS
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: ERROR: SERVER IS NOT AVAILABLE, THIS IS HAPPENING ON BOTH TERMINALS
RESOLUTION: FAULTY CAPSLOCK KEY, USERS SHOULD LEARN HOW TO HIT IT.
SYMPTOM/MSG: Cash Drawer will not open.
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: Issue - Cash Drawer will not open. Checked cable from receipt printer to cashdrawer. Installed new roll of paper in receipt printer. Powercycled receipt printer. Tried "no sale" in mgr function, printer will print, but cash drawer still will not open.
RESOLUTION: Dispatching crowbar.
SYMPTOM/MSG: NXT POS Loan Setup Issue *Exception*
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: Issue: the client entered 15000 for loan 3 times. Total 450.00
Had the client finish the loan,
Close Terminal
Total Term1 SHORT $300.00.
Then had the client reopen Terminal 1
RESOLUTION: In the employee handbook, you will find a list called "things we don't do at IT support." This includes fixing your mistakes when you admittedly put the wrong amount in. See also: Learn to read.
SYMPTOM/MSG: pos
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: sku for lsg225 red
RESOLUTION: What? NO HABLA VENUSIAN
SYMPTOM/MSG: cannot store email
DESCRIPTION OF PROBLEM: needs to be able to store them on hard drive
RESOLUTION: Email is already stored on a hard drive. Just not the user's. It may come as a bit of a shock, but we run Exchange, which stores mail on the server hard drive. If you're asking us to export it... no.
And in his own style, at the end of Friday, he posted his final farewell:
"As of this very minute, no more ****** IT.
Bummer.
Packed it up, killed all my email and personal files, grabbed all my stuff, removed vital entries from the registry, made sure on reboot that the computer was hosed. Long standing policy when dealing with workstations: As you leave for the final time, light the OS on fire."
I love my friends. They always go out with a fight. I still feel for the guy though.
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no subject
Date: 2005-11-19 02:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-19 03:29 pm (UTC)Somehow I knewthis wouldn't be entirely lost on at least SOMEone here....
no subject
Date: 2005-11-19 05:35 pm (UTC)Tell your friend that we will welcome him/her here with open arms, and a case of their favorite (il)legal beverage.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-19 05:43 pm (UTC)Good afternoon...
Good evening...
...and Good night."
no subject
Date: 2005-11-20 02:27 am (UTC)And, hey, some of us Exchange admins are quite nice, really... :-)
no subject
Date: 2005-11-20 08:50 pm (UTC)that was fucking gold...
man that sucks so much ass
*salutes your friend*
no subject
Date: 2005-11-21 01:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-23 12:44 am (UTC)