(no subject)

[lions-tambua.livejournal.com]

cs "my computer does nothing"
me "oh ? what exactly ? do you you hear any noise like fans or harddrives or so when you power the system on ?"
cs "sure, the computer works perfectly, but it doesnt do anything"
me "??? aeh... what exactly do you mean"
cs "whats so hard to understand ? it doesnt do ANYTHING!"
me "but you can boot your operating system"
cs "are you deaf or dumb ? i just said that the computer works perfectly! it just dont do anything!!"
me "sorry, but maybe i dont get you right here. what do you expect the computer to do ?"
cs "do you have any techs around who have a clue of computers ? hand me to one of them please!"

Comments

[daerlyn.livejournal.com]

Heh. I had a call like this yesterday.

Supervisor: G____'s ID is broken!
Me: What's wrong with it? (Note - we have different permission levels for users, and it's a new ID, so I might have set it up incorrectly)
Supervisor: It's broken!
Me: . . . . Uh, I need a little more detail here. Is it her password, or can she not (insert production activity here).
Supervisor: It's broken!
Me: *SIGH*

[lions-tambua.livejournal.com]

*EG* i always think if i should say, "you mean 'broken' like.. in .. two parts ?" *snickers*

[daerlyn.livejournal.com]

I say things like that, and then my supervisor lays into me for not 'preserving my working relationship with the floor staff'. I figure if I've asked politely for clarification and just gotten more gibberish -- or no reply at all, in the case of emails -- then the working relationship, through no fault of my own, is already kaput.

[lions-tambua.livejournal.com]

is it 'normal'? that german people use english phrases in their langugage and american people use german phrases in theirs ?
like... 'kaputt' or 'uber' etc ? :)

[daerlyn.livejournal.com]

Fairly standard. It should be totally unsurprising that English has assimilated some German words, especially, considering how similar they are. But I've heard words from all sorts of languages used in English vocabulary.

[torii.tk (from livejournal.com)]

You know there was a vote in america as to what should be the spoken language and English beat German by 1%

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

Except that that totally never happened.

[ghostdandp.livejournal.com]

English is a derivitive language. Mostly German, French, and latin words changed slightly.

[jecook]

We are English of Borg. Your language will be assimalated....

::can't type anymore, laughing too hard::

[wyrdrune.livejournal.com]

I once had a user phone me up and announce "My computers sick".

I had to stop myself from saying "Tell it to take two aspirin and call me in the morning".

*sigh* indeed.

[amplifiedmouse.livejournal.com]

OH
MY
GOD!

[lions-tambua.livejournal.com]

the most used shortforms when working in Hotline Support :)
1) LOL
2) OMG
3) OMFG
4) RTFM
5) STFU
6) PEBKAC
...
...
...
x) TMI!

[lions-tambua.livejournal.com]

OK, that would be good. If its NOT doing nothing, then its doing SOMETHING which is good :)

[lions-tambua.livejournal.com]

until 3rd repeat: *snickers*
3rd to 5th repeat: *chuckles*
5th to 7th repeat: *LOL*
7th to 10th repeat: *MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA*

Eh, that's just dialect

[yduras.livejournal.com]

In the language of mathematical logic, a negative of a negative results in a postibe. In spoken English, however, a repeated negative is often understood as emphasis and not cancellation.

It's not incorrect, its idiom.

Double negatives are only incorrect the way split infinitives are incorrect - because people interested in projecting their prejudices decided it should be. (Split infinitives are taught as incorrect because Latin does not have two-word infinitives and thus cannot have a split infinitive, and since Latin was thought to be a superior language, some academics decided to try to force English into the same pattern.)

Pretending not to understand idiom because it makes you feel intellectually superior is counterproductive on so many levels...

Re: Eh, that's just dialect

[akage.livejournal.com]

Meh. I'm Southern, and I'll slip into the dialect when I'm back home, but even I think it makes people sound like idiots.

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

That or "it ain't doing nothing," which is just as much fun.

[tsutton.livejournal.com]

So what was the outcome of this?

[lions-tambua.livejournal.com]

good question. i told him, "well, i can transfer you to the next-level tech if you want"
did so and he asked the same stuff and after an minute the customer totally ticked out and hang up. dont know *shrugs*
PEBKAC ;)

[lions-tambua.livejournal.com]

yea ;) i always have a good laugh on my side if someone says "i just programmed the computer completely new" (re-installed) ;))
or: "can i programm (install) this thingie (program) on my monitor (computer) ?"

Or (as always) Userfriendly :)

[bamatone.livejournal.com]

Is there a User Friendly rss feed that doesn't require you to click a link to see the comic? The offical one does that. :\

[lions-tambua.livejournal.com]

try this one (http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20051117&mode=classic)

[justsomegurl.livejournal.com]

When I get someone who keeps telling me the computer isn't doing anything, I usually ask "So the screen is all black?". /most/ of the time it helps.

[lions-tambua.livejournal.com]

so your screen is all black and you hear NO noise like from turning fans and NO led on your computer is on ? Then 1st check the Power-Cable >:)

[jecook]

"...And the best way to test to see if it's live is to stick it in your mouth."


BZZZZZZZZRRRRRTTT!!! - THUD!!


"Hello? HELLO?!?!?!"

I hang up. I don't think he'll call back.

[lions-tambua.livejournal.com]

*EG* check if your HIGH-VOLTAGE also works! yes, the same way *eg*

[shirenomad]

I think there should be a Law & Order or CSI about a tech support guy who makes a joking suggestion like that and gets charged for murder. It'd be a hoot.

[akage.livejournal.com]

That's one of my big pet peeves. Ditto for error messages.

User: "I can't get on."
Me: "On to what, exactly?"
User: "Anything."
Me: "Novell? Windows? ?"
User: "Yeah."
Me: "So you can't log into anything at all?"
User: "Yeah."
Me: "Okay, so what error message are you getting?"
User: "It says I can't log in."
Me: "Okay, but I need the actual error message."
User: "It says...can't do it."
Me: "Sir/Ma'am, I've worked with computers for over two decades, and I've yet to see one with an error message of 'can't do it'. I need the actual message, verbatim, that you are getting on the screen."


People usually get kind of pissy at that point, because they've been scolded like a five-year old. It's also fun to hear them misread the error messages. I've had users that almost suffered a breakdown over the word "authentication".

[lions-tambua.livejournal.com]

sorry but.. i just CANT resist to quote Userfriendly (am i an addict ?)
learn to talk (http://www.userfriendly.org/cartoons/archives/97nov/uf12b417.gif)
Due to size, no direct img src :)

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

Oh yes. I love it when they say the error message is "it says it don't like it."

"So the computer has a box up right now that says 'I don't like this'?"

People usually say Yes.

[jcaswell.livejournal.com]

I get this one at least a dozen times daily.

Kid: My computer doesn't work!
Me: What do you mean doesn't work?
Kid: It doesn't work!
Me: I need more detail. What happens?
Kid: It won't let me log in
Me: OK, now we're getting somewhere. Why can't you log in?
Kid: It won't let me!
Me: Is there an error message?
Kid: Yes
Me: What is it?
Kid: Can't log in
Me: Yes, and? I need the whole message, it could be any of a dozen things
Kid: I don't know! It won't let me in!
Me: OK, go back to the computer, try it again, write down the error message then come back
Kid: (in a strop by now) OK

Nine times out of ten, I never see them again, the other time they write down "Windows could not log you on because..." and that's it. Bloody kids.

[katyism.livejournal.com]

I love pronunciation with users! My favorite is a word we use a lot here: Symantec.

I've heard:
Systematic
Sidmantis
Swimtech
Siamintic
Semantic
Simon Tech

The last two are not so bad, because they can sort of read and just don't know how to pronounce it. The others make me wonder if they read beyond the first three letters of any word...

[d-l-leonine.livejournal.com]

Before QA, my response to that was "Do you have any competent users over there. How about letting me speak to them?". I usually got hung up on.

[lions-tambua.livejournal.com]

*spills drink over the monitor*
MUAHAHAH! oh dear! i think i just fell in love :) are you married ? :))

[d-l-leonine.livejournal.com]

LOL...yes I am married. I am Tina's lion (I know...a lot of people get confused by the name and think that I'm Tina).

[utoxin.livejournal.com]

I'm reminded of the Three Dead Trolls skit. Do you have a child in the house?

[shirenomad]

Yes, but remember, we're their shaman. Tell them to blow smoke up their USB port.

[lions-tambua.livejournal.com]

yea. or a quote from "Full Metal jacked - Did your parents have any children that live ?"

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

After nine years in TS, I've found that the best way to respond to a lack of information is to pull, not push. The more you actively question them, the more they will relax and wait for you to randomly hit on the problem they're having. Basically, they want you to do their thinking for them.

Screw that.

Verbal judo is the way to go. When they say anything, lead them on. Make it clear that you won't be guessing for them. Great phrases to use are "OK, what kind of X?" and paraphrases of "What makes you think that XYZ?"

Yeah, it sounds silly asking "What kind of nothing?" and "What made you realise it was an internet problem?", but it does get the answers.