Two rants in one morning . . .

[daerlyn.livejournal.com]

. . . The day is off to a smashing start.

Calls in at 7.58. Of course. Speaks poor English, but won't (or can't) speak French. Of course. Is running Windows 95 on an archaic Toshiba laptop. Of course. Why am I so sure of that last bit? Guess the answer to "What OS are you running?" Is left handed and didn't mention it. Of fucking course. You will see in a moment why that is so significant.

Problem: Busy signal. I know he's already spoken to someone else this morning, so I know the number is correct. So the first thing I want to check for, before getting into anything the client can injure, is RNAAPP. "Sir, please hit ctrl+alt+del." Thus follows a seven minute discussion in which I try to explain where on the keyboard these three keys are, and how to hit all of them at once. We have a few tense minutes when he finally seems to have gotten it, because he says nothing happens. If Windows 95 or higher (and even 3.1, I think) doesn't bring up a task list when you give it the three fingered salute, you have much bigger problems than not being able to dial up. Finally, it comes to light that the client is hitting 'backspace' rather than 'delete'. Another three minutes are wasted here explaining that the two keys do indeed have different functions, and when I said 'delete', I really did mean the key that says 'delete'.

At last, the task list appears. However, there is no RNAAPP. Damn. This call just got a lot longer.

Next, we try to go into the connection properties. This client clearly has the IQ of a Q-tip, it's not only entirely possible but frighteningly probable that he typed the damn phone number in wrong. We manage to find the Dial-Up Networking window with a surprising minimum of effort. However, we have another nigh-insurmountable obstacle here.

"Sir, please right-click on the icon and choose 'properties'."

So, of course, for the first time in his life Bucky the Wonder User follows my directions to the letter. And brings up the Connect To window, which is what you should get when left-clicking.

I'm sure that he mis-heard, thought I said double-click, or clicked on the right-hand side of the icon. We get that a lot. So I re-emphasise that I mean the right-hand mouse button, and we go through the precise same process four times. Finally, I get a brain-wave (the stupid is contagious, I'm sure), and ask if he's left-handed. Sure enough.

Sir, you must be at least forty, judging from your voice. And no way in any possible alternate universe are you anything less than 25, unless you've been smoking Camels since birth. In all that time, did you not notice while trying to open jars, use can openers, use your computer for the first time, that 98% of the world population is right-handed? And did it not occur to you, when it became clear that right and left were making a difference here, to mention something to me?

And yeah, after all that? *71 instead of *70 to disable call-waiting. Why? Because the supervisor who got asked about it yesterday is George the raving lunatic, and today when trying to fix it with Chris, the client was clearly nowhere near his computer. I tried to strangle myself with my head-set. Twenty-five minutes on the phone, running over the end of my shift, because this illiterate twit lives on the moon.

WHY.

Comments

[akage.livejournal.com]

The "It was working yesterday" comment always stops me dead in my tracks. The sheer stupidity of the notion never fails to amaze me. I wonder if these people go to a funeral and say, "I just don't understand it...he was alive the day before he died!"