real conversation

[anivair.livejournal.com]

manager: I want you to print me a list of clients ranked by fees.

me: fees? Do you mean you want them ranked by commissions or fees, because they're different.

Manager: uhh . . .no, fees. By how much they generate in fees.

me: ok.

I then spend half an hour looking for a report that doesn't exist and I start to write somehting.

manager: nevermind I found it.

me: where?!

manager: shows me a report of clients ranked by commissions.

me: I will hit you with a shovel . . .

Comments

[malgrep.livejournal.com]

I wonder if I could start a business teaching people how to properly hit their managers with shovels?

Or users, but I think most techs already know how to do that.

[kerberos.livejournal.com]

but I think most techs already know how to do that.

A regular tech will know how to hit the manager with a showel.
A seasoned tech will have lime,predug grave in a quarry and a woodchipper standing by.

[cirobi.livejournal.com]

or just live on a hog farm.

isn't there some movie where the hogs on some hog farm devour bodies of the farmer's victims? =p

[anivair.livejournal.com]

Don't know, but there's a great scene where it's made mention of in Snatch. Maybe that's what you're thinking of.

[cirobi.livejournal.com]

yup, i believe that'd be the one! =p

[siggy-lxvi.livejournal.com]

It's also in Hanibal. The crazy guy with no face breeds special hogs to eat Hanibal Lecter once he's kidnapped.

[cirobi.livejournal.com]

hm, i've seen that one too. i'm pretty sure i was thinkin of Snatch though. so many good movies *sigh* =p

[http://users.livejournal.com/shiara_/]

Don't get me started on 'agent' reports. Our system is inadequate in what it can produce for agent reports, and I end up writing help desk tickets to query the system for something that there should be a damn report for.

And when it is a simple request that we do have a report for, I have to modify said report because it gives way too much detail for what we need.

It's a no-win situation.