Things We Don't Do.
Aug. 19th, 2005 02:21 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
the-s-guy.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
techrecoveryDear clueless upper management and callers,
Certainly, there are a number of jobs which the Technical Helpdesk performs. In fact, we know this better than you because we spend all day doing them.
However, it has come to my attention that you apparently think we also do a number of unrelated tasks. Personally, I blame this on your own wilful ignorance, coupled with the bright stickers with our phone number on every corporate PC, the author of which I shall be dismembering shortly.
Allow me to refresh your knowledge.
1) We are not the company switchboard. The switchboard is not even part of the I.T. department. I will not look up numbers for you or transfer you to Bob Smith. The corporate phone book is built into your browser's locked-down homepage for a reason.
2) We are not secretaries for your IT group. Do not forward emails to us purely to be typed into the ticketing system unless you (a) have broken fingers, or (b) want some.
3) We are not free classifiers for your team's incoming email. Do not forward your inbox to us for sorting. We'll simply invalidate your address on the corporate mailservers and set up a bounce message with your home phone numbers.
4) Likewise, we are not a dumpster for I.T.-related email misdirected to you. Either tell the sender to call us if they don't know who it should go to, or phone us yourself if you're feeling charitable.
5) We are not a cheap-labor extension of your own team, so don't bitch when we assign your problems low priorities. If you really wanted your work done, you'd be doing it.
6) To the bosses - we are a computer troubleshooting team, not one of your pet call centres serving the general public. Yes, we both use headsets. No, our job could not be done - properly done - by a potted plant with a script. See, a call centre can't (clickkky-click) trash your email and meeting calendars while (tappetty-tap) wiping out all your project data for the last five years.
Are we understanding each other now?
Certainly, there are a number of jobs which the Technical Helpdesk performs. In fact, we know this better than you because we spend all day doing them.
However, it has come to my attention that you apparently think we also do a number of unrelated tasks. Personally, I blame this on your own wilful ignorance, coupled with the bright stickers with our phone number on every corporate PC, the author of which I shall be dismembering shortly.
Allow me to refresh your knowledge.
1) We are not the company switchboard. The switchboard is not even part of the I.T. department. I will not look up numbers for you or transfer you to Bob Smith. The corporate phone book is built into your browser's locked-down homepage for a reason.
2) We are not secretaries for your IT group. Do not forward emails to us purely to be typed into the ticketing system unless you (a) have broken fingers, or (b) want some.
3) We are not free classifiers for your team's incoming email. Do not forward your inbox to us for sorting. We'll simply invalidate your address on the corporate mailservers and set up a bounce message with your home phone numbers.
4) Likewise, we are not a dumpster for I.T.-related email misdirected to you. Either tell the sender to call us if they don't know who it should go to, or phone us yourself if you're feeling charitable.
5) We are not a cheap-labor extension of your own team, so don't bitch when we assign your problems low priorities. If you really wanted your work done, you'd be doing it.
6) To the bosses - we are a computer troubleshooting team, not one of your pet call centres serving the general public. Yes, we both use headsets. No, our job could not be done - properly done - by a potted plant with a script. See, a call centre can't (clickkky-click) trash your email and meeting calendars while (tappetty-tap) wiping out all your project data for the last five years.
Are we understanding each other now?
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no subject
Date: 2005-08-19 05:34 am (UTC)oh.. and i'll add another one.
(7) There is a reason i'm not listed in the corporate phone book. Get the hint.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-19 11:49 am (UTC)Especially 1, 3, 5, and 6! Argh!
no subject
Date: 2005-08-19 01:11 pm (UTC)8) Even though we are part of the public service, we do not perform our jobs better when swaddled in sixty-seven layers of bureaucratic crap. It gets in the fsckin' way, all right?
no subject
Date: 2005-08-19 02:26 pm (UTC)My company cell phone is listed in the company directory. fortunately, the words "EMERGENCY ONLY" is also listed next to it, so I get about 3-5 calls a week on it, mostly from the network guy in tucson.
A long while ago when I was still looking for additional money coming in, I used to do side jobs for my cow-orkers personal machines. Hence, a few of them had my personal cell phone number, and quite possibly my home number. That stopped the day I received calls on my home phone and cell phone asking for company related work. I no longer do side jobs for anyone in the company, and the various co-ordinators got a rather pointed email stating to please not use my personal cell phone for work, as work issued me a cell phone for just that purpose. I also tell people now that I'm too busy to to side jobs as well, namely becauase I don't want the conflict of interest anymore.
my personal phones have been blissfully quiet since.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-21 05:47 am (UTC)7) Your printer being out of ink is not my problem. Ink, like printer paper, is an office supply and is not ordered by the IT department.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-23 04:04 pm (UTC)To order new toner, offices must call us. We must then give them the national phone number of the company who made the printers we just bought, and tell the caller to phone that company to order new toner.
Offices are technically not allowed to phone that number without calling us first to check if the number has changed (it never has), and they are not allowed to order via the web, fax, email etc.
We have several thousand printers on our network. Do you think management will allow us to put a voice message on our incoming phone line saying "If you're calling about toner, hang up and dial xxxx-xxx-xxx" ? Or do you think that every empty toner cartridge requires the office to be on hold to us for a couple of minutes and have a full work ticket logged in our slow-as-crap ticketing software, purely so that we can then say "Hang up and call..." ?