Survey of Idiocy

[the-paco.livejournal.com]

Ok, here's one for ya guys. Those of you that do end-user support: Which region/state/town do you talk to that seems to have the highest concentration of slack-jawed, mouth-breathing, inattentive, inbreeding idiot users?

Internal support (IE: those who support your coworkers in their infinitely idiotic glory): which department do you have the highest concentration of idiots?

This survey brought to you by the guy from West Virginia who cannot spell 'admin' when it's spelled phonetically to him three times.

Comments

Internal and external.

[siggy-lxvi.livejournal.com]

Ok, I work in a call center that does tech support for one of the major American computer manufacturers. It'll be one of the first four companies that you guess. It's not Apple, and it's not Dell. There, see how easy I've made it?

We have about five or six call centers, Kansas, Louisiana, Florida, Canada (somewhere around vancouver, I think) and the Phillipenes. The center in the Phillipenes generally staffs fairly technically competent people, exept that the users can't understand them, but the centers in Louisiana and Canada are constantly either breaking people's computers, selling them shit they either don't need or that won't work in their systems, or just making an utter mess of things and not leaving any documentation about what was done. As anyone who works phone-in support knows, documentation is key when you have to have the user call back to finish something up, otherwise, I have to start all over again.

As to stupid users: idiocy knows no borders, but people in florida are fucking morons.

Re: Internal and external.

[klytus.livejournal.com]

You mean [my guess of a company name with three letters] Canada has a track record of breaking the computers they service???

::insert maniacal cackling here::

Forgive my evil glee... its just that this piece of news has predictable ramifications if the client *WE* support does what rumor has it they will be doing.

And they'll deserve it if it happens.

Thank you for restoring my faith in karma.

[teraflops.livejournal.com]

Hands down, Kentucky.

[tecie.livejournal.com]

Internally: executives. Because not only do they have no idea what theyre doing, they are probably at least partially responsible for the problem. They shift into standard defensive mode and start throwing blame everywhere.

[kayfox.livejournal.com]

alabama

[kailiia.livejournal.com]

i work ISP tech support for a large telecomm company in western canada (not bell, the other guys). It is external customer support.. so i would have to say.. Surrey BC, Fort Mc Murray AB. I really cant pick which is worse.. Surrey is just very high on themselves and Fort Mac.. well rig pigs anyone?

[dubhain.livejournal.com]

[I most recently worked for a law-enforcement agency, so our internal departments were a bit different than most.]

Patrol, definitely. There's nothing like providing end-user support for a group of users who tend to be instant gratification junkies, carry guns, and are used to being obeyed instantly by highly-intimidated civilians. And, as anyone (co-workers included) are civilians, they tend to get rather...officious and demanding. I couldn't count the time I've had one of my end lusers commanding me, hand on the butt of his holstered Glock, that I was "...just going to fix it. Now." (Yeah, right.)

Patrol doesn't tend to take direction well, and don't see why they should be arsed to tell you what's wrong with the machine, what they've been doing with it, or when it started acting that way. That's your job. And they'd rather have new, good equipment anyhow. Anything they can't understand or break is and was a "piece of crap" to begin with.

Patrol also tends to like to try and shock you. They'll leave an assault rifle on the desk in front of the machine you're coming to fix, knowing you're not authorized to handle it under department rules. Then they'll watch and smirk as you work around it. One Patrol sargent nearly shat himself when I told him it was a "nice paperweight", To be fair, though, once Patrol decides trying to fuck with you doesn't work, they usually settle down into just being demanding, recalcitrant and pushy.

And never, ever say the word "boot" or "reboot" to someone in Patrol. We honestly did get them in with dented boot-prints in the cases after using that word. Likewise, the words "shotgun" and "nuke" are right out.

So Patrol gets my my vote for worst internal department. Criminal investigation, however, will think nothing of having Dispatch track you down at 20:30, on a Sunday when you're not on call, ring you on your personal cellphone, and demand (even though you tell them you're in the middle of an anniversary dinner with your wife) that you quote from memory the specs of a particular detective's PC because he's going to be filling out a purchase requisition on Monday for a software package and wants to know if his current PC can handle it. (I told them to get stuffed, and warned Dispatch the next day that if they ever did that again I'd change my cell number and not give it to them. [Dispatch supervisor] "You can't do that!" [Me] "Watch me." Then I had a little chat with the lieutenant in charge of Dispatch. It never happened again.)

[dubhain.livejournal.com]

That should read And, as anyone without a badge (co-workers included) are civilians....

And apologies for the grammatical errors. I'm doing the migraine dance, and words don't always fit together properly when I'm migraining (yes, I spellchecked).

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

Heh. Ever thought of having a humungous super-shiny badge made up and wearing that each day? Or even just keeping it in a convenient drawer nearby for if one of your annoyances starts tapping theirs?

"Oh hey, you have a badge. Me too."

[trixtah.livejournal.com]

We have firefighters. Exactly the same. Except they also have unlimited internet access 24/7, and what do you think most unsupervised men (since they almost all are of that sex) are going to be looking at at 3am? And then they complain that that crap porno dialler "someone" downloaded is screwing up their pc. Really?

After the fire-ies, I vote for HR and managers. And "queen bee" PAs.

[eightofspades.livejournal.com]

Really, you get good and bad in every group, internally.

If I had to guess, though? It would be sales. Not salesmen, but the people in charge of supporting them and coordinating product delivery.

[taleya.livejournal.com]

State: Queensland. (I'm in Australia)

I have a theory that the closer to the equator whities get, the fucking stupider they get....in the northern hemisphere it's the southern states. Down here, it's the northern ones....the heat must attract them like flies.

[shmuffle.livejournal.com]

Ahah, I was about to say the same thing!

I work at a "full service telco" in Perth, where "telco" means we just resell other peoples' stuff and take the blame when it breaks.

[japester.livejournal.com]

eh?
which one?
it seems that there are more and more of us in this Most Isolated Capital lucking here.
I'm down at We Experiment upon small children (http://www.ichr.uwa.edu.au)

[shmuffle.livejournal.com]

B Digital, and I'm sure there are many more of us here...

We Experiment upon small children

Hahah, cute :) I originally read that as "we eat small children"... long day.

[taleya.livejournal.com]

eh, I'm in Melbourne, it's just all the goddamn twats are in QLD, i've found...

[bekscilla.livejournal.com]

I was gonna vote Queensland too. There are some relaaaaaxed people up there, and it's far too much effort to give us information, or listen to us.

[reynardo.livejournal.com]

Sorry to do this to you, but some of your Victorians have a serious O2G/CSM error. Do the words "St Albans", "Hopper's Crossing" and "Dandenong" mean anything?

[taleya.livejournal.com]

yeah, they bring to mind images of flannel....

seriously, you would not believe some of the shit I've heard come out of QLD. at least in st albans and hoppers they're just hopped on meth...

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

I dunno... South Australians are pretty bad when it comes to talking, thinking and social interactions. Queenslanders are stupid, but at least you can tell. South Australians are stupid, but they hide it under a thin veneer of faux culture. Plus they're all serial killers. I'm gonna go with SA

[lizey.livejournal.com]

LOL bloody Queenslanders. *is proud to see that Sydney has not been commented on, though surprised*

[residentgeek.livejournal.com]

Department: Nursing. Definitely. These are people who have administered restricted medications to sick people, but they can't figure out how to do the simplest of tasks, or follow directions. I tend to do a lot of handholding and doing it myself, instead of hoping to hell they do what I tell them.

Nursing secretaries are just as bad, because they should *know* how to use Word, Excel, etc. Dammit.

[loosechanj.livejournal.com]

My pet peeve is any secretary or typist who expects me to know more about Word than they do. For crap's sake, YOU are the one who uses it 8+ hours a day!

[neferde.livejournal.com]

*shudders* How about the professional editor (does novels, articles, ect.) who's been using and editing documents with Word for the last 5 years who just learned from me yesterday how to change fonts and select text? *mind boggles*

[lizey.livejournal.com]

Until she did a course in it, that was my mum and me. I'm not even remotely qualified/educated in anything techy.

[benatwork.livejournal.com]

Oh, hell yes. Particularly most of the general med/surg nurses. I've had to deal some who couldn't figure out how to change the battery on a pager, after being shown three times.

[loosechanj.livejournal.com]

Procurement/property. And the group with the most clue had to be the quality guys. Weird that the people who get paid to stand around and watch other people work are the ones with all the brains.

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

that must be an exception... here quality are the people that sucked harder.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

Given that I work internal support for a large welfare-related organisation with hundreds of assorted contractors, my least favorite groupings are more job-related than geographical, as follows:

Dumb as a rock but nonconfrontational: Social workers. They don't take straight instruction well, they're unable to shift into a mode where words mean *only* and *precisely* what they actually mean, and they're used to problems taking months or years to resolve instead of seconds. YES, I will need you to stay on the phone for the next two minutes, and YES at the the end of that two minutes the problem will be solved. Don't hang up on me and then call back in three months asking how things are going and whether I want to talk about it.

Dumb as two rocks and bitchy about it: Anyone from HQ. Especially those who think they're (a) God's Gift and (b) able to intimidate me. Bite me, you entitlement-assuming retards. And yes, I will put that in email and cc: it to your manager. Who can also bite me, using the corporate-standard "Bite me" form I have thoughtfully included.

I'll admit that there are occasional regional differences - callers from closer to the equator seem a little slower and the accents a little thicker, for instance, but it's not too hard to adjust on the fly. There are much more incomprehensible accents from the inner-city offices where they've hired people who are scarily fast data processors and evalutators, but have accents that sound like a Scots/Welsh tongue kiss through a bowl of Asian noodles.

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

Internal support: The highest concentration of idiots comes from, funnily enough, the division of the company calling itself (company_name) Information Technology or (company_name) Technology Services.

They are the ones who will ask how to spell their own last names.

[darkblade1.livejournal.com]

Louisiana takes my dumb state as far as callers go. Phoenix callers also rank up there as my #2. I think the sun has melted the brains of those people. They can't spell, and they can't follow directions.

[mr-broli.livejournal.com]

I do nationwide end-user support for insurance agents...

and my answer is Kentucky. Try to imagine Colonel Sanders with a Foghorn Leghorn lisp trying to sell insurance.

[normie.livejournal.com]

Unstable middle aged women.

Er wait.. that's not a department.


Um, I work at a college and most of the staff, students and professors are great, except the odd extreme geek student that doesn't even practice personal hygene and thinks the whole college's it department is stupid because we don't do things the way he'd do it.

[theliquidkitty.livejournal.com]

I love supporting people in the west coast, they are usually the best, but that's because we have DHCP instead of PPPoE out there. Most of the idiots that I get are from WV and NC, with the most uppity, arrogant kind from NJ and NYC.

2nd call of the day (I work for a national ISP) -

Asshole: why do I have Comcast cable instead of you?
me: well sir, your *insert name* account shows active, can you tell me where you are reading this information from?
Asshole: it's on my screen
me: could you be more specific? Are you in Internet Explorer or where are you reading this?
Asshole: It says Comcast! Here, talk to my son, what does that say
son: It says Comcast
me: where are you reading this from?
Asshole: on the screen
me: sir I really wish that I could help you with this but if you cannot be more specific and tell me if you are in Internet explorer or not, or if you are reading me icons on your desktop, I really can't help you resolve this
Asshole: (screaming something I couldn't quite make out) you need to fix this!
me: Sir, please stop yelling and tell me where you are reading this from
Asshole: (continuing to yell & curse) I told you it is on my screen!
me: Sir, I would like to help you with this but I need you to be patient, Could you please calm down and describe to me what the screen looks like
Asshole: YOU stop yelling at me!
me: sir I wasn't yelling I just want to know...
Asshole: (screaming and more cursing)

Just so happens that we have a policy where we can hang up on them if we warn them 3x to stop yelling...so I exercised that right. What a douche.

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

I used to support Canadians... most people could follow directions when I gave them and usually spoke some form of the Queens english... Then I got moved to Yankee support when the contract I was on moved to India. The worst states are the south eastern and the most impatient tend to be the north east or texas...

[tjernobyl.livejournal.com]

Canadians vs Americans was like night and day... Of course, it also helped that I moved from supporting a shitty US ISP to a kickass Canadian one...

Re: Internal and external.

[siggy-lxvi.livejournal.com]

Nope, not three letters. They have really interesting boxes, though... From reading some of the backlogged posts (like back to april) I get the feeling I do tech support for the same company as Ravenshrinkery. Florida, Louisiana, and Canada don't service the computers, they just do phone support on them. And break the computers over the phone.

Siggy.