Customer Tips

[thatvoiceguy.livejournal.com]

Just looking over this site, and thought I'd throw in my own tips for people calling tech-support. (My own list is lengthy, here's just a couple off the top of my head...)


Use the Speaker-phone as inconsiderately as possible.
The technician greatly appreciates it when you dial the HelpDesk with the speaker function on, then quickly yank the receiver off its cradle upon hearing them answer. The loud clanking sound that ensues is pleasant to the tech's ears, and will facilitate a higher level of customer service for you. Alternatively, technicians also like it when you remain on speaker and bellow from fifteen feet away. An added bonus is to remain on speaker with others listening in, but don't tell the technician they're present. This doesn't violate any known telephone ettiquette, and besides, the tech likes to be surprised.


Use Bad Timing.
Be sure to place your call to the HelpDesk mere minutes from the start of an important meeting. Additionally, be sure to become irritated with the technician and imply (or, better yet, state directly) that he or she is making you late for your appointment.




P.S. Pet peeve re: the above link. While I share with my fellow phone-monkeys a healthy level of end-user disdain, I could personally do without seeing or hearing the term "luser" ever again. Yep, I get it. It's a clever play on "loser" and "user". Hee hee!

It was barely funny the first time. Couldn't we just stick to tried-and-true terms like "moron" and "incompetent"?

Comments

[taleya.livejournal.com]

I usually refer to them as Twats.

Although Cuntstomer gets bandied about my helpdesk quite a bit. Guess what it's usually shortened to?

[thatvoiceguy.livejournal.com]

Now that one I like.

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

I particularly enjoy it when their speakerphone makes the connection bad, fuzzy, inaudible, or echoey and they have the gall to blame MY phone for it.

[floatingpencil.livejournal.com]

I always pretend I can't hear people when they're on a speaker phone. Sooner or later they pick up the handset. I'd sooner put up with the clanking than the echoing or third-party interruptions.

Occasionally, we even get people who dial in from IN a meeting, then expect us to address the meeting over speakerphone and 'explain to the directors why your software isn't working'.

Hear that sound? That's *click*. Otherwise known as the Big Red Release button.

Flame on?*

[eightofspades.livejournal.com]

Alright.

I will probably get flamed for this.

If I have to call any desk, and sit through menus, I will do it on speakerphone. That's internal and external. I like having two hands to get work done while I'm waiting for De1l to get on the line and agree that they really did send the wrong replacement motherboard. Other manufacturers are generally worse.

On that exact note, when the end-tech pics up, I will pick up the phone, near immediately. This is so I'm *not* rude. I relegate my customers and my boss (sometimes) to speakerphone, but I know it annoys techs. Occasionally, it's also to make sure I can understand the accent on the other end of the line.

If the tech is obviously not the brightest, or if they are spending an inordinate amount of time filling out forms, I will usually apologize and put them back on speaker. This is, again, so I can get work done.

Do others view picking up when a live human answers, as opposed to leaving them on speakerphone, rude? First I've heard of it.

*Keep in mind I'm not calling to get my intarweb fixed, here (: Usually it's a hardware failure or external web app lockout that I happen to not be able to touch.

Re: Flame on?*

[thatvoiceguy.livejournal.com]

No flame warranted. All valid points. Still...

Picking up isn't rude, but violently yanking the handset up from the base resulting in an ear-splitting clack-clunk is inconsiderate at the very least.

Bottom line: use the speakerphone, but don't abuse it.

Re: Flame on?*

[pixeltwist.livejournal.com]

I hate when people slam the reciever down. I've always just pressed that little 'hang up' button (does anyone know what it's actually called?) when I'm on a phone that hangs up on the base.

Then again, I haven't had a phone like that in years.

I hate most when people leave me on speaker phone because they don't know how to take it OFF of speaker phone.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

Eh. Speakerphones get "Hello? Hello? Anyone there?" until they take the hint. People who can't manage their time get "Here's *your* ticket number, please feel free to call back when *you* have more time to troubleshoot *your* problem."