(no subject)

[guitarguy1980.livejournal.com]

It's funny, but I've noticed over the years that I've been in tech support (5 now) that I can always tell when a (l)user is completely at fault for something. You wanna know how?

Ask closed ended (Yes or no) questions, or list the only possible answers in the question (aka Your PC is now on or off?)

I've found that people who aren't at fault, will answer yes or no, or the possible answers you list in your question.

Guilty parties will always add on. Per this:

Me - brianbassguy
TR - Tire Retreader

Me: "Ok, so, the handheld is not functioning, meaning it will not turn on at all"
TR: "No, it won't turn on at all, and it's weird cause it was working this morning."
Me: "Ok, so it was working this morning. Has anything happened to the handheld that would have changed it's working status?"
TR: "Well, not that I know of."
Me: "Alright, how new is this handheld? (checks customer records on computer) I see that this handheld was sent out in May, brand new. So, the battery shouldn't have been consumed in such a short amount of time. Is there any problem with the battery connection? Specifically, is it making a connection?" TR opens back of handheld computer and I can hear a piece fall out over the phone and hit the floor. "What was that?"
TR: "I don't know, it came out of the battery thing."
Me: "Is it metal?"
TR: "Yes. But I don't know--"
Me: (cutting him off) "Does it look like it goes near the battery in the unit?"
TR: "Ugh, yes. But you see I didn't-
Me: (Cutting him off) Are you sure that nothing happened to the unit? This normally doesn't happen, especially to a new handheld."
TR: "Well, it did take a little fall this morning."
Me: "Ah, and did the handheld keep working after that?"
TR: "No, but let me tell you, I didn't do-"
Me: "Ok {Tire Retreader's name}, sounds to me like this was dropped, and something came out of the battery bay. Obviously I can't fix that over the phone, so why don't you send in the Spare in the Air form and we'll get you another one sent out."
TR: "Ok, but I didn't do this."
Me: "Were you the one handling this handheld?"
TR: "Yes."
Me: "Were you the one who dropped it?"
TR: "Yes."
Me: "Well, then you did it. Fortunately for you and {company}, you have a hardware replacement warranty clause in your contract. So, don't worry about it, you'll just be a day without it. I'll have another sent out overnight preprogrammed to go for you.
TR: "Thanks."
Me: "Just in the future, when I ask if anything has been damaged, just let me know what happened, and we'll get through it a lot faster. Thanks {name}. Have a good day!"

Denied it, and tried to explain his way out of it by adding on to the closed ended question responses. I knew this guy straight up lied to me.

Anyone else have a similiar experience?

Comments

[krrayn.livejournal.com]

all.
the.
time.

[grayhawkfh.livejournal.com]

On a daily basis.

J

[greeklady.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, when you have the laptop in your hands and ask if anything was spilled on it and they say no. You sniff it and smell coffee. Then ask, So do you take cream and sugar with your coffee?? They normally answer yes. You get to tell them exactly why coffee spilled on a laptop makes it stop working. The guilty look in their eyes when you lean to sniff the keyboard does it every time. Plus you can see plainly the residue of it.

Jackasses!

[greeklady.livejournal.com]

Bwahahaha, oh that would be very bad.

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

I had a user a couple time zones away who spilled coffee on her portable's keyboard (no POST) and she called me, in the VPN queue, to ask me what I personally was going to do to get her on our Intranet that day.

Um, nothing?

[greeklady.livejournal.com]

That is when I have to hit mute really fast. Though I have become jaded enough to laugh in their faces now.

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

I probably would have laughed if I'd had any sense of humor left but on that day I got it burned out early. Instead, I just repeated to her slowly what she actually said.

"You have a hardware problem."
"Yes."
"Caused by you."
"Yes."
"And you called the email queue, instead of your hardware people or the people you got the computer from in the first place, to find out what I can do to get you online. Without a computer."
"Ye--oh."

I could tell from the beginning of the call that she was one of the few callers I get who would actually get it if I repeated to her what she'd said to me.

[rrrebo.livejournal.com]

Tech Support Rule #1:

The customer always lies. Either intentionally, as above, or unintentionally, due to ignorance or misinformation, or just plain st00pidity.

Wizard's First Rule:

People are stupid. People will believe what they want to believe, because they fear the truth.

I think this applies as well.