Tales of idiocy...

[guitarguy1980.livejournal.com]

Tale #1

Me = Yours Truly
TR = Tire Retreader

Me: So, it's a terminal you're on, not a PC?
TR: No, it's a PC. It has a keyboard and everything.
Me: So you're sure you're on a Windows PC, and you're using it in the shop?
TR: Yes, positively sure.
Me: Ok, fine. So, can you right-click on my network places and tell me if you see network connections?
TR: There is no network connections.
Me: Ok, so what does it say when you click on My Computer?
TR: There is no My Computer.
Me: (Getting frustrated)Ok, So, can you look on the side of the computer and tell me if it says anything?
TR: Yeah, it says ET5000 Terminal. Oh...I guess it's a terminal.
Me: Yeah, I guess so.

Tale #2
Me = The Bomb
PS = My father

PS: Son, I think there's a problem with my computer
Me: Alright, what's wrong with it?
PS: The audio makes funny sounds when I'm online, but it doesn't make any weird sounds when I'm offline.
Me: Dad, you have a cable modem, you're always online.
PS: No, I'm not online when I've got the computer off
Me: Duh. So what is it doing when you're online?
PS: When I change the volume on my speakers it makes a crackling sound.
Me: A crackling sound like it might have a short in the volume pot?
PS: Yeah.
Me: Perhaps it's a short in the volume pot.
PS: You know, it might be.

Note: I'd never even heard this so called problem, and I fixed it for him. Turns out it was a short. Swapped speakers, and everything is fine. Oi. I came from him....sheesh

Tale #3

Me = The Awesomeness
TR = Different Tire retreader than tale #1

TR: Yeah, so I have this Handheld here, and it's acting funny.
Me: Can you describe a little more what you mean by "acting funny"
TR: Well, it's giving me this error.
Me: (Waiting for a few seconds) What error?
TR: (verbatim) Aw shit, now I gotta fucking go get this fucking thing
*Noise like he threw phone down, walking, 5 seconds of silence*
TR: Alright, the error says "Error: Your battery is dangerously low, it is recommended you save your work and power down, or connect an external power supply."
Me: Ok, so what's your question?
TR: What's that mean? What should I do?
Me: Um, it means your battery is low, and you're going to lose your work if you don't save it, cause it's going to die. You might want to shut it down or connect an AC adapter.

Note: *headdesk*

I swear, I couldn't make this shit up.

Comments

[nightsinger.livejournal.com]

That last one, I soooo sympathise with.

Spent half an hour trying to figure out why this customer couldn't receive calls on his damn cell phone once, but could make them out...

Turned out the moron turned off his bloody phone whenever he wasn't making a call out. He expected the fucking thing to turn itself on whenever someone called him!

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

TR: What's that mean? What should I do?

"It means exactly what it says, and you should do what it's telling you to do."

[kayfox.livejournal.com]

In relation to the sutomer meistaking a terminal for a PC:

Ive been on the floor for 3 days and have gotten two of these so far:
Customer: I want to set up my Blackberry to recieve email from SBC Yahoo.
Me: ok, -insert spiel about web client-, I need the PIN of your blackberry, can you look under options and status?
Customer: I dont see options.
Me: Ok, what model of Blackberry do you have?
Customer: It says Treo...
*growl*

[pixeltwist.livejournal.com]

I've had speakers before that made a crackling sound when you turned the volume knob before.