Tech, the other white meat
Jul. 4th, 2005 06:03 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
shibbychic.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
techrecoveryJust some of my better Tech stories.
No Transfer for you!
Cast-
Me = Living in the inner ring of tech support Hell
CB = Crazy Beast Woman
Me: “Thank you for calling Tech support, my name is Cid.”
CBW: “Wha… Tech support? The Technician I just talked to said he was going to transfer me to customer service.”
ME: “I’m sorry about that, some lines must have gotten crossed. *Read as: new tech = moron!* I’ll just transfer you right over, one moment pl...”
CBW: “No. I’m just going to end up back in tech support.”
ME *Hoping maybe, just MAYBE there really is a problem with the customer care transfer number and this isn‘t going to turn into one of those calls.* “How many times have they tried to transfer you?”
CBW: “One.”
Me: “One?”
CBW: “Yes, one.”
Me: *Still hopeful* “Well in that case, I’m sure there was just a mix up. I can transfer you right over.”
CBW: “No! You can’t I’ll get cut off!”
Me: *Headdesk* “Well what I can do is give you the direct number to customer service so that you can just call them.”
CBW: “That’s not acceptable. I want to talk to them now. I know if I call them, I’ll have to hold.”
Me: “Well, you’ll have to hold even if I transfer you over.”
CBW: “You’re not transferring me.”
Me: “Alright, let me just recap here to make sure I understand things, alright?”
CBW: “Alright.”
Me: “You called us to get to customer service, but instead you got technical support. When the other tech tried to transfer you, he accidentally sent you to me, again, in tech support. Now, you still need to talk to Customer service - not tech support; customer service - but you won’t let me transfer you, AND you won’t let me give you the direct number. Is that about where we’re at?”
CBW: “...”
Me: “Thought so. That direct number is ###-####-####.”
CBW: “Thanks *click*”
Another technical mystery solved. Hoopla.
English, Beotch!
Cast -
Me = Why, god, why?
CGC = Crazy Ghetto Chick
Me: “Thank you for calling Tech support, this is Cid.”
CGC: “My’s cable don’t be goin’?
Me: “Pardon?”
CGC: “What? Is you deaf beotch! I says I ain’t gots da muthafuckin’ cable!”
Me: *blink blink* “Cable T.V.?”
CGC: “Don’ speak none-a God damn English!” *Click*
Riiiiight. I'll file that.
And all I got was this stupid modem...
Cast-
Me = Out of clever things to say
CI = Confused Idiot
Me: “Can I get your name and phone number, with area code, please?
CI: “My name is ***** Just hang on…” *yells* “Honey, what‘s our phone number? Sorry. The number is ###-###-####."
Me: “Thanks for calling Tech support, this is Cid... wait, I‘m sorry Mr.%%%%%%, but you don‘t seem to be showing up. Is there another phone number it could be under, or even better, do you have the account number?”
CI: “What? Hang on.” *At this point, I hear him put the phone down and go talk to his wife/girlfriend/feminine-sounding boyfriend. A minuet later, yes an actual minuet later, he comes back. “Try ###-###-####, that’s the cell number.”
Me: *Tries* “Well, you are coming up, but only as a cable TV customer.”
CI: “No, we no longer have cable with you. We moved and canceled it, but kept the internet.”
Me: “I see, I‘ll check again. *wouldn’t be the first time this has happened* Are you sure you can’t find the account number?”
CI: “No I tried to find it before I called. We just moved, like I said, maybe try the old number. It‘s ###-####-####.”
Me: “No problem. *Checks* Still nothing but a canceled cable television account. Alright, try giving me your name and address, and I’ll look you up that way.”
CI: “What one?”
Me: “The old one first.”
CI: “The address was *************, California.”
Me: “Hold on a sec while I look that up.” *Still nothing* Okay, nothing with this, your new address?”
CI: *Very frustrated* “Fine! Hang on.” *Again puts the phone down. I hear rifling of papers, and then...* “Honey, what’s the new address?” *She yells it, but he can’t seem to get it so, I hear him again get up and go to her/it/them. About another full minuet later...* “Alright, then new address is ***********, Colorado. That’s in a new state.”
Me: *I gathered, being that the first state you told me was California.* “Yes, one moment.” *Still nothing.* “I’m afraid I can’t bring you up, this way.
CI: “Are you kidding? I don’t believe this!“
Me: *Killbleedhurtstab* “Alright, we’ll try something else. Do you have your modem with you?”
CI: “Yes, of course. I’m looking it at it.”
Me: “Good, there should be something on there called a MAC address. Some letters and numbers, can you tell me what those are?”
CI: “Fine.” *A few moments of hunting and then: a random babbling of numbers and letters.*
Me: “No, that would be the serial number. Shorter, it’ll say MAC address near it.”
CI: “Oh for... Alright, 00c04945c4d0.”
Me: *It sounded a little off to me, but I ran it anyway.* “Sorry, you’re modem isn’t listed as a valid address.
CI: “What do you mean it’s not listed? I paid good money for this modem, how could it not be listed?”
Me: “There could be an issue with…”
CI: “I don’t care what there’s an 'issue with'. I’ve head of you people deleting random accounts before.”
Me: “We don’t delete random accounts.”
CI: “Look, lady. I know what I hear. One of your techs told me that when he came to my house to change the internet over!”
Me: “Well he was misinformed.”
CI: “I’ve been with Verizon for years, and...”
Me: “I’m sorry, did you say Verizon?”
CI: “Yes. Did I stutter?”
Me: *Happyjoyfunny* “No, not at all, but see, this isn’t Verizon, it’s -Company name-.
CI: “That’s not right. I called ###-###-####!”
Me: “That is our tech support number. Most likely given to you when you signed up for cable Television.”
CI: *Click*
Verizon can have him.
Some people should not be allowed to have phones, let alone HSI.
No Transfer for you!
Cast-
Me = Living in the inner ring of tech support Hell
CB = Crazy Beast Woman
Me: “Thank you for calling Tech support, my name is Cid.”
CBW: “Wha… Tech support? The Technician I just talked to said he was going to transfer me to customer service.”
ME: “I’m sorry about that, some lines must have gotten crossed. *Read as: new tech = moron!* I’ll just transfer you right over, one moment pl...”
CBW: “No. I’m just going to end up back in tech support.”
ME *Hoping maybe, just MAYBE there really is a problem with the customer care transfer number and this isn‘t going to turn into one of those calls.* “How many times have they tried to transfer you?”
CBW: “One.”
Me: “One?”
CBW: “Yes, one.”
Me: *Still hopeful* “Well in that case, I’m sure there was just a mix up. I can transfer you right over.”
CBW: “No! You can’t I’ll get cut off!”
Me: *Headdesk* “Well what I can do is give you the direct number to customer service so that you can just call them.”
CBW: “That’s not acceptable. I want to talk to them now. I know if I call them, I’ll have to hold.”
Me: “Well, you’ll have to hold even if I transfer you over.”
CBW: “You’re not transferring me.”
Me: “Alright, let me just recap here to make sure I understand things, alright?”
CBW: “Alright.”
Me: “You called us to get to customer service, but instead you got technical support. When the other tech tried to transfer you, he accidentally sent you to me, again, in tech support. Now, you still need to talk to Customer service - not tech support; customer service - but you won’t let me transfer you, AND you won’t let me give you the direct number. Is that about where we’re at?”
CBW: “...”
Me: “Thought so. That direct number is ###-####-####.”
CBW: “Thanks *click*”
Another technical mystery solved. Hoopla.
English, Beotch!
Cast -
Me = Why, god, why?
CGC = Crazy Ghetto Chick
Me: “Thank you for calling Tech support, this is Cid.”
CGC: “My’s cable don’t be goin’?
Me: “Pardon?”
CGC: “What? Is you deaf beotch! I says I ain’t gots da muthafuckin’ cable!”
Me: *blink blink* “Cable T.V.?”
CGC: “Don’ speak none-a God damn English!” *Click*
Riiiiight. I'll file that.
And all I got was this stupid modem...
Cast-
Me = Out of clever things to say
CI = Confused Idiot
Me: “Can I get your name and phone number, with area code, please?
CI: “My name is ***** Just hang on…” *yells* “Honey, what‘s our phone number? Sorry. The number is ###-###-####."
Me: “Thanks for calling Tech support, this is Cid... wait, I‘m sorry Mr.%%%%%%, but you don‘t seem to be showing up. Is there another phone number it could be under, or even better, do you have the account number?”
CI: “What? Hang on.” *At this point, I hear him put the phone down and go talk to his wife/girlfriend/feminine-sounding boyfriend. A minuet later, yes an actual minuet later, he comes back. “Try ###-###-####, that’s the cell number.”
Me: *Tries* “Well, you are coming up, but only as a cable TV customer.”
CI: “No, we no longer have cable with you. We moved and canceled it, but kept the internet.”
Me: “I see, I‘ll check again. *wouldn’t be the first time this has happened* Are you sure you can’t find the account number?”
CI: “No I tried to find it before I called. We just moved, like I said, maybe try the old number. It‘s ###-####-####.”
Me: “No problem. *Checks* Still nothing but a canceled cable television account. Alright, try giving me your name and address, and I’ll look you up that way.”
CI: “What one?”
Me: “The old one first.”
CI: “The address was *************, California.”
Me: “Hold on a sec while I look that up.” *Still nothing* Okay, nothing with this, your new address?”
CI: *Very frustrated* “Fine! Hang on.” *Again puts the phone down. I hear rifling of papers, and then...* “Honey, what’s the new address?” *She yells it, but he can’t seem to get it so, I hear him again get up and go to her/it/them. About another full minuet later...* “Alright, then new address is ***********, Colorado. That’s in a new state.”
Me: *I gathered, being that the first state you told me was California.* “Yes, one moment.” *Still nothing.* “I’m afraid I can’t bring you up, this way.
CI: “Are you kidding? I don’t believe this!“
Me: *Killbleedhurtstab* “Alright, we’ll try something else. Do you have your modem with you?”
CI: “Yes, of course. I’m looking it at it.”
Me: “Good, there should be something on there called a MAC address. Some letters and numbers, can you tell me what those are?”
CI: “Fine.” *A few moments of hunting and then: a random babbling of numbers and letters.*
Me: “No, that would be the serial number. Shorter, it’ll say MAC address near it.”
CI: “Oh for... Alright, 00c04945c4d0.”
Me: *It sounded a little off to me, but I ran it anyway.* “Sorry, you’re modem isn’t listed as a valid address.
CI: “What do you mean it’s not listed? I paid good money for this modem, how could it not be listed?”
Me: “There could be an issue with…”
CI: “I don’t care what there’s an 'issue with'. I’ve head of you people deleting random accounts before.”
Me: “We don’t delete random accounts.”
CI: “Look, lady. I know what I hear. One of your techs told me that when he came to my house to change the internet over!”
Me: “Well he was misinformed.”
CI: “I’ve been with Verizon for years, and...”
Me: “I’m sorry, did you say Verizon?”
CI: “Yes. Did I stutter?”
Me: *Happyjoyfunny* “No, not at all, but see, this isn’t Verizon, it’s -Company name-.
CI: “That’s not right. I called ###-###-####!”
Me: “That is our tech support number. Most likely given to you when you signed up for cable Television.”
CI: *Click*
Verizon can have him.
Some people should not be allowed to have phones, let alone HSI.
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no subject
Date: 2005-07-04 05:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-04 09:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-04 09:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-05 04:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-05 04:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-05 08:31 am (UTC)min·u·et
n.
1. A slow, stately pattern dance in 3/4 time for groups of couples, originating in 17th-century France.
2. The music for or in the rhythm of the minuet.
3. A movement in 3/4 time that is usually the third, but sometimes the second, of a four-movement symphony or string quartet.
You're saying you got through an entire dance (or, symphonic movement) while waiting for this guy?
That demonstrates amazing patience. ;)
no subject
Date: 2005-07-05 09:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-06 01:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-08 06:01 am (UTC)I'm ready for my lashings, Mein Feur
no subject
Date: 2005-07-08 07:36 am (UTC)Ve vill not tolerate such manglings of ze english!
*whipcrack*
You vill learn zis!
*whipcrack*
Oh, and it's führer. ;)
no subject
Date: 2005-07-10 11:23 am (UTC)I second the first comment...
Date: 2005-07-06 03:58 am (UTC)J/k...I'm willing to bet it takes him a year to figure out what our tech support number is. And I'm willing to bet that if it doesn't, it will take enough time that I'll no longer be working for these idiots.
Ahh, the simple joys in life.
Re: I second the first comment...
Date: 2005-07-08 05:56 am (UTC)Well, when it comes to dealing with idiots, it's every tech for themselves.
;)