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Jun. 26th, 2005 09:02 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
the-paco.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
techrecoveryMy opening until noon.
Thank you for calling my tech support on a Sunday morning, where if you had the sense god gave an epileptic Chihuahua, you'd hang up this phone right the fuck now and go back to sleep. How can we help you?
My call types so far.
Oh, you got a new computer and somehow managed to unplug every wire from the modem and plug it somewhere into the computer, including the modem's power adaptor? Wow. That's incorrect. Of course, maybe if you were well rested and not some psychotic, I-don't-need-to-sleep wannabe-ubermensch, you would actually have slept in and would be able to intuit yourself out of a brown paper bag, but I doubt that. Let's plug the modems power cable into a power outlet. Well, how about where it was plugged in before you got the bright and obviously incorrect idea that you were anywhere near competant enough to operate anything more complex than a Fischer-Price toy. *CLICK* Guess you didn't pay attention to what's 'power' and what's 'phone'.
Oh, you have incredible noise on the line that doesn't go away when you unplug the modem, and it's been there ever since you got the line, and you've been dealing with it until you decided to invest in something that wasn't made to transmit over the soothing sounds of a 24/7 tsunami? And of course you keep calling your DSL provider, even after we repeatedly tell you it's a problem with your analog line. Maybe when you're done here you'll decide to go piss on an electric fence and then ask your doctor for muscle relaxants to fight the twitch. No, no, ma'am, I didn't mean to imply you were a raving fucktard with no goddamn clue about cause and effect, completely devoid of the most common of sense, and begging to be euthanized out of pity, as if you were Eeyore gone rabid and slowly and depressingly trying to gum everyone to death. No, no. I mean to say outright that you are truly one of the stupidest people I've ever had the displeasure of explaining the blindingly obvious to, and you make me question our country's stance against eugenics, until the next retarded pile of chimp shit manages to somehow hump a phone pad just the right way and winds up talking to me manages to distract me from my temporary life misson of finding a way to drop the ISS on your town.
The 'z' key is on the lower left. Of your keyboard. The keyboard. The thing with all the letters. IN FRONT OF YOU. Ok, you see the clicky thing you use to find the porn? Look left. Ok, you see the keypad you use to put in your credit card number in order to pay for the porn? Ok, look left. You see all those little squiggles on all the little squares? No, those aren't spooge catchers for when you get the porn, that's actually something we adults like to call a keyboard, and I'm going to SHOVE IT UP YOUR GODDAMNED ASS IF I EVER HAVE THE DISPLEASURE OF SEEING YOUR IGNORANT, HORSE-FUCKING, DROOLING, INBRED MUG ANYWHERE NEAR ME!
I may have a full day.
Thank you for calling my tech support on a Sunday morning, where if you had the sense god gave an epileptic Chihuahua, you'd hang up this phone right the fuck now and go back to sleep. How can we help you?
My call types so far.
Oh, you got a new computer and somehow managed to unplug every wire from the modem and plug it somewhere into the computer, including the modem's power adaptor? Wow. That's incorrect. Of course, maybe if you were well rested and not some psychotic, I-don't-need-to-sleep wannabe-ubermensch, you would actually have slept in and would be able to intuit yourself out of a brown paper bag, but I doubt that. Let's plug the modems power cable into a power outlet. Well, how about where it was plugged in before you got the bright and obviously incorrect idea that you were anywhere near competant enough to operate anything more complex than a Fischer-Price toy. *CLICK* Guess you didn't pay attention to what's 'power' and what's 'phone'.
Oh, you have incredible noise on the line that doesn't go away when you unplug the modem, and it's been there ever since you got the line, and you've been dealing with it until you decided to invest in something that wasn't made to transmit over the soothing sounds of a 24/7 tsunami? And of course you keep calling your DSL provider, even after we repeatedly tell you it's a problem with your analog line. Maybe when you're done here you'll decide to go piss on an electric fence and then ask your doctor for muscle relaxants to fight the twitch. No, no, ma'am, I didn't mean to imply you were a raving fucktard with no goddamn clue about cause and effect, completely devoid of the most common of sense, and begging to be euthanized out of pity, as if you were Eeyore gone rabid and slowly and depressingly trying to gum everyone to death. No, no. I mean to say outright that you are truly one of the stupidest people I've ever had the displeasure of explaining the blindingly obvious to, and you make me question our country's stance against eugenics, until the next retarded pile of chimp shit manages to somehow hump a phone pad just the right way and winds up talking to me manages to distract me from my temporary life misson of finding a way to drop the ISS on your town.
The 'z' key is on the lower left. Of your keyboard. The keyboard. The thing with all the letters. IN FRONT OF YOU. Ok, you see the clicky thing you use to find the porn? Look left. Ok, you see the keypad you use to put in your credit card number in order to pay for the porn? Ok, look left. You see all those little squiggles on all the little squares? No, those aren't spooge catchers for when you get the porn, that's actually something we adults like to call a keyboard, and I'm going to SHOVE IT UP YOUR GODDAMNED ASS IF I EVER HAVE THE DISPLEASURE OF SEEING YOUR IGNORANT, HORSE-FUCKING, DROOLING, INBRED MUG ANYWHERE NEAR ME!
I may have a full day.
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no subject
Date: 2005-06-26 02:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-26 03:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-26 03:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-26 10:46 pm (UTC)BAD, BAD CUSTOMER. GO BACK TO SLEEP. FOREVER.
no subject
Date: 2005-06-26 11:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-27 12:45 am (UTC)Ahem.
Sorry.
*Applauds*
Date: 2005-06-27 05:31 pm (UTC)Can I have your autograph ?