Stupid statements

[the-paco.livejournal.com]

"I already restarted."
%90 of the time you didn't do it right. I can't trust you. Do it again, do it with me, and do it right.

"It's worked like this for x time!"
And yet now it's broken, which is why you called me. Now that we've established who knows what they're talking about in this little relationship, do what I tell you to do.

"Your last tech did all this, and it didn't work! I don't want to do it again!"
Oh wow, look at that, a scale has been invented with enough sensitivity to measure how much I give a shit about what you want. My other techs cannot be trusted to do anything more than smear feces on the screen and annoy me. I clean up after one and impotently report them up the shackles of uncaring command every day, so you'll excuse me if when I get to you I decide to actually solve your problem. Be thankful, and express that gratitude by shutting the fuck up and doing as your told, because you don't know anything about what you want.

"I'm very unhappy."
This is the stupidest statement I've ever heard. Of course you're unhappy. Your service isn't working, you have to talk to 20 machines and 2 fecal techs, and then actually put some effort into this service. What a strain for you. But you know what, if you had a modicum of intelligence about this, you wouldn't have to go through all the shit just to hear me tell you to restart, and maybe you would have less frustration and maybe my job would entail actually helping people I can almost respect. Ignorance is bliss as long as you don't try to do anything with it.

---

In other news, I hate supporting the elderly. It's not politically correct to say that, nobody is supposed to express it, how dare I speak badly of those who have managed to survive such hardships, etc. etc.

Don't care. In fact, it kind of amuses me to see people get bent out of shape when I say that.

Don't like dealing with the elderly. And many of you don't either. But you know what? I deal with it. I'd love to hang up on the little 80 year old woman who just upgraded from her IBM Correcting Selectric III Typewriter to a Dell Optiplex running XP, and hasn't done anything more modern than drag race around Pasedena in a hot rod Lincoln since the Regan administration, but I don't. I realize I hate dealing with the elderly, I swallow it, and I do it. There's a big difference between realizing your dislikes and allowing them to rule you. No amount of flowery language changes that in a person, and having to dig through it to get to the truth only pisses me and others off.

There's more to that rant, but it's less about support and more about political correctness.

Comments

[inahandbasket]

amen.
my grandmother for one...
i love her dearly, but I frequently want to smack my father for getting her a computer with more than one button.

[das-prompt.livejournal.com]

"It's worked like this for x time!"

The most common version I get of this is, "It couldn't be my LAN, we haven't changed anything!"

Well you know what, we haven't changed anything either. And I show good connection to your modem. You think maybe we could try removing your airport from the equation, just to humor me?

[residentgeek.livejournal.com]

"I already restarted."

Yeah, and funny how the problem resolves itself when *I* restart for you. Hmmmm....

My favorite lately is: "Well, I know I'm not logging in as Workstation Only. I checked that."

And sure enough, when you go to log them back in, they've "checked" workstation only. And they *still* can't figure out why they're not getting network access.

[residentgeek.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but then I get stuck explaining how they did it wrong and what they can do next time to do it right. Not that they listen, of course.

[linguafranca.livejournal.com]

You know, I generally like old people. They're always grateful for the help we give them. However, I DON'T like old people who bitch and moan and will not listen to me.

[katyism.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the elderly are generally very nice and polite, more so than any other user I have to support. But they have their special drawbacks, including
-the amazing ability to totally distract themselves from the task at hand by describing unrelated icons, errors, how crazy it is that the screen changed color, etc
-so happy they found a patient tech, they'll take advantage and try to get you to teach them all about the internet
-lots of comparison and stories about how it used to be (FUCK YOU! PINE IS GONE! SUCK IT UP!)

[klytus.livejournal.com]

The worst client I ever had was a little old lady who worked for a labor union of some kind. We sold them a SCSI Scanner (this was a LONG time ago!) so they could scan in contracts in ortder to archive them and so they could just change the dates to have the same contract the following year. Anyway, this lady had a msall spiral-bound notebook which had instructions for (I shit you not): turning on the computer, entering Windows 3.11, opening Word Perfect, navigating in Word Perfect... and everything else under the sun up to, and including, turning it off at the end of the day. It took me three seperate visits to that worksite to teach Granny "No-long-term-memory" Magoo how to use the scanner.

But on the flip side, the best client I have ever had is also one of the elderly. Been working with the same company for over 25 years and is approaching retirement. I wager he has fewer calls to our help desk than anyone else in the sales force, because he actually *pays attention* when they give training on the new applications. Give me age and experience over youthful "I know what I'm doing" exuberance any day of the week.

[taleya.livejournal.com]

ok, now I'm scared. Either my contact has solely been with uncommonly smart grannies, or I have this amazing granny order voice that makes them instantly obey o.o

Haven't had any problems with little old ladies. (Apart from that one on Richmond Station that went crazy and started whaling into me with her umbrella for no apparent reason...but that's another story) but elderly men? Ok, I can tolerate the occasional 'sweetheart' over the phone. But don't fucking assume a lack of penis makes me technically incompetent and ask to speak to a man.

I may not have a wang, but I do have a three foot screwdriver within easy reach I can beat you to death with. And you're old and frail, whereas I spend most of my time lugging huge amounts of kit about. No contest whatsoever.

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

If they want to speak to a man, excellent, I don't want their old smelly ass on my phone anyways.

[prozacnation.livejournal.com]

I too cannot stand working with the elderly.

I've had too many calls from "Bessie from Boca" who is 90 years old, has Norton pop up on our screen, whine about it, say that she cannot type because her hands are all knotted up to type in www.symantec.com and then whine saying, "Well what am I supposed to dooooo?"

Call the son who bought your computer and whine to him. He should never have bought it so you could play solitaire all day.

The one that got me the other day was a chat with what must've been an elderly woman who would "not" check her settings in outlook because "they were correct and it was working yesterday..." Well then someone changed it or you have a major case of spyware. End of story.

She started out bitching about how her "dead husband's" name was still on the account and she insisted that she changed it already. Blah blah. I have to keep an under 10 minute call time. Don't call me to bitch about this. YOu want your Outlook Working? I actually said outloud on this chat, "GEEZ just do what I say!!! YOu should've went 6 feet under with your husband!"

Yes, how do I really feel?

GAH! I hate thinking that way, but shit, if you don't want to do what I say, then do come into the chat session!

[perkybitch.livejournal.com]

""Your last tech did all this, and it didn't work! I don't want to do it again!"
Oh wow, look at that, a scale has been invented with enough sensitivity to measure how much I give a shit about what you want."

HAHA..i havent laughed today thanks.

And the part about the co-workers, sooo TRUE-wish it wasnt but it is.

[usekh.livejournal.com]

Ooh yeah, you have already restarted your computer and your router hey. Well lets do it again. And look, like magic it works

Bleh sick of those customers

[ravenshrinkery.livejournal.com]

Had one much like this last night.

Raven: Ok, we need to attempt a repair using the Recovery Console.
Luser: But we've already used that, and pretty much everything else the last guy could think of.
R: (checks notes, one thing has been tried not involving it) I don't show any notes indicating what I'm suggesting has already been tried.
L: But it has! I remember loading off that CD and doing stuff!
R: Ok, if you've done everything troubleshooting our only remaining option is to format and reload the computer. Do you have your other system restoration CD's handy?
L: Let's try what you were about to do.

Yeah, STFU and listen next time, bitch.

[dk.livejournal.com]

In other news, I hate supporting the elderly. It's not politically correct to say that, nobody is supposed to express it, how dare I speak badly of those who have managed to survive such hardships, etc. etc.

Don't care. In fact, it kind of amuses me to see people get bent out of shape when I say that.

Don't like dealing with the elderly.

oh good god, do i ever hear you.

my worst calls are from people 60+ years old.

and the funny thing- i work at an online college.

so many times i've wanted to say "you know what, you missed the boat by about THREE DECADES, and it's not going to do you any good now. drop out."

[200iso.livejournal.com]

online college?!
the concept still baffles me.
mainly because you can't stop people from cheating on online exams. (can you?)

[das-prompt.livejournal.com]

Heh, I just had a customer call that reminded me of this post. His DSL was down at home, but was calling from work. I told him we'd need to run line tests with the modem plugged in and again with it unplugged. He says, "My wife already tried that. She unplugged it, plugged it back in, it still doesn't work."

Uh, if you want me to help, please listen to what I'm actually saying.

[japester.livejournal.com]

"I already restarted."
%90 of the time you didn't do it right. I can't trust you. Do it again, do it with me, and do it right.

Because we all know that the computers know when we are around and suddenly start working *grin*

In other news, I hate supporting the elderly. It's not politically correct to say that, nobody is supposed to express it, how dare I speak badly of those who have managed to survive such hardships, etc. etc.

I don't mind at all. I respect people who have earned my respect. Just because you've managed to not die in the last 60 years is only a small part on the way to getting my respect. You still have to proved that you are not a moron and age usually has nothing to do with that.

[jjjiii]

I used to do some work with elderly folks back when I worked in the computer center of a local library some years ago. I've disliked most of my dealing with elderly people who are trying to use computers, but I have to admit that some of them have surprised me, and I was glad that I didn't write them off.

Some of them actually can listen, understand, and remember, and even appreciate what I'm doing for them. I found that if you slow down and explain even things that "ought" to be intuitive, answer questions, and present things using metaphors to things that are familiar to them. It also helps a LOT if they actually want to use a computar to do something AND if you don't HAVE to be there helping them.

A lot of them are just frustrated and shut themselves off because they think they can never learn or understand, and when they get to that point they're basically helpless. If they don't start off angry, at least you have a chance of having a positive interaction with them.