ARGH!

[celyste.livejournal.com]

Why does this still happen?!



"Thank you for calling ISP. My name's Celyste. How may I not help you today?"
"My connection's dead! Again!" <<-- please note the again.
"Oh my! Well, let's have a look Mr NitWit! Oh yes... I can see the issue. It looks like despite 5 warnings, your bill lapsed 90 days and the tech cut the lines... oh... and it looks like this is the 3 time in 12 months that your account went past due."
"So what you're telling me is that I can't get my pr0n tonight, is that right?"
"That would be correct sir... but if you pay the entire bill, reconnection charge and the first month in advance, we can get you service by the end of the month."
"Completely unacceptable... I pay you people good money for this service!"


umm... no sir. You don't. That's the problem.

Please let me know if I'm too far off topic. :-/

Comments

[linguafranca.livejournal.com]

Hell no. I do billing and tech support as well, and I get that ALL THE TIME. We send out bills two weeks before their payments are actually due, then they get five (business) days' grace. And if they know they're going to be late, they just have to let us know before they're deactivated. We're very easygoing. And it's the same people every month who call and wonder why they can't get online.

Another thing is, we email our bills to our customers. I had one today who called saying, "I never get my bills!" who, despite being a customer for a good four years, somehow forgot that billing statements come in email instead of snail mail.

[sigurther.livejournal.com]

Idiot probably added them to his spam blocking!

[linguafranca.livejournal.com]

Except that when I say, "We're sending the bills to asshat@thisisp.net; should they go to a different address?" they say, "Oh, you're sending them to my email?"

[foxbaby.livejournal.com]

wtf @ idiot

[jecook]

Nope. totally on topic.

"The cheque is in the post", one of the world's classic lies.

--Simes

[harry-whodunnit.livejournal.com]

Our customers take it one step further: "You can't cut me off with no warning! I demand that you credit back the entire amount in compensation!"

There is the door. Please note that it's designed to hit you in the ass on the way out.

[jecook]

The only time I do it is if the monkey walks me through nuking my hardware.

"what? no, an Write Erase on a cisco router won't erase your configuration. Oh, the serial port is broken? uh.... let me put you on hold for a minute..." Riight.

Fortunately, we are not using that POS anymore.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

"You can't cut me off with no warning!"

Ah, a perfect opportunity to use my favorite phrase!

*clears throat*

"What an interesting theory!"

And, for the user who needs a little extra:

"...Did you find it in a gutter and feel sorry for it?"

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

Bwahahahaha!

[celyste.livejournal.com]

yep *L* I've had that one before too... it's always a bit of a wtf moment when I realize they are asking for credit for not paying their bill. I mean really... if that's all it took I'd make sure to not pay my bills either.

[sigurther.livejournal.com]

No, very on topic. I don't get how "I paid for the installation, but decided not to pay ever again for some reason." equates "I am a good customer who deserves good service!" So, how's this story end, anyway? Can't leave out the best part where they say "THIS IS STUPID. YOU ARE STUPID. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO PAY MY BILL ON A REGULAR BASIS! I DEMAND TO TALK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR! GIVE ME THE PRESIDENT!"

[celyste.livejournal.com]

yep... all too true. The sad part is that our supervisors don't go on the phone... that's a different group. And they don't take incoming calls from anyone. So then you get the joy of explaining that you don't have a supervisor tonight but 'I can leave a note for one to call you back asap... 24-48 hours' *L* The idiot usually goes off his rocker screaming and cursing and finally hangs up *L*.

[sigurther.livejournal.com]

You know, I think it should be made a standard across the board that anyone who ever holds a phone support job should recieve an A+ certification as an Officially Sanctioned Sounding Board. ;) Seems like all a lot of these customers want to do is scream at someone, and not really get anything done (unless it includes getting freebies)

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

I prefer having the ability to say 'no' when a caller demands something, up to and including a supervisor. It's amazing how you can destroy someone's world of entitlement by a couple of well-placed 'no's.