Dubbel yooti eff

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

Twice I have been told I would recieve extra broadband memory once I upgraded to broadband 2 until BB2 kicks in, which I did and it still hasn't happened, What's happened to (ISP)?
can you please sort it out.
Customer


Can anyone tell me what the fuck this guy is talking about?

Comments

[inahandbasket]

Bwahahahahhahahahaha!

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

Hehe I'm serious man.. I've gotta reply to this email somehow.

[inahandbasket]

I say you reply just like that.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

Hah I'd love to. I think I'm just going to send him ADSL sales info so he tries a little harder next time.

[infusco.livejournal.com]

Welcome to support mail hell.

I don't even bother attempting an intelligent reply to these types of emails anymore. If they don't make sense, they are told to call tech support to speak with a live rep as they did not provide enough detail (or any detail, or any detail in a known earthly language) for us to be able to assist them via email.

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

All emails must begin with Hello, thank you for your email.
Emails should not advise customers to call, that is what email is for.


Rules. Bollocks.

[infusco.livejournal.com]

Oh I begin every email by saying Hello :)

And I do have enough professionalism to prevent myself from telling some of my customers to go fuck themselves (some of them sorely deserve to be put in their place).

Aside from that, our email is simply a mean of information and support that supplements our phone support, but does not replace it. So if a customer is having a problem that evidently needs detailed step by step troubleshooting, we'll tell him to call rather than start a potentially month long email exchange for something that might be very easy if the customer were a shade more observant than a mole.

And if a customer insists on sending us cryptic messages in some sort of messed up navajo world war 2 code or something, then we simply ask them to call us instead and maybe he'll get lucky and find a tech who speaks the same language :P

[pleaseremove.livejournal.com]

sounds like they are talking about download cap.....

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

Could be.. Our old plans had a 12 gig cap, our new ones have variable caps, of which only two are above 12 gig. I don't think so. How would he know? He's obviously too stupid to check his usage, so...

[linguafranca.livejournal.com]

No.

[slant-i-s.livejournal.com]

Write back claiming that you read his message and memorized the address, but a system fault wiped out the email, and that you would like for him to explain the issue.

(Reading him trying to explain himself would probably be even funnier)

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

I ended up taking pity on the sod.. Asked him if perhaps he meant download speeds or download limits. I'll probably get a reply abusing me for being patronising.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

Aw. No "There were a lot of big words there. We're naught but humble technicians. What is it you want?" ?

[megpie71.livejournal.com]

"I want you to fix my problem."

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

[twitch] Don't make me hurt you.

[jjjiii]

Could be he's talking about hosting space on isp's servers, and how much more he'll get if he upgrades to the next more expensive package you offer?

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

A valiant effort! But far too intellectual for this boob :)

Plus not relevant to plan info..

[megpie71.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, the "read my mind" email, the curse of tech support.

Fortunately I work corporate (well, government) support, and we're allowed to send back a nice little email to the dingbat in question explaining what we need to know before we can solve their problem. (We're actually supposed to phone the nong in question back, but I generally figure that if they're sending us incomprehensible email about it, whatever it is can't be *that* damn important, or they'd've spent the extra time to explain things comprehensibly.)

[110billion.livejournal.com]

Can you say:
"Our sales team sucks"?

[citizenbleys.livejournal.com]

Well, with Kelani.com down for the count, I can't remember the exact phrasing, but I would reply informing the member that extra broadband memory is unavailable due to ping socket failure in the dual-redundant DNS kernel. Of course you understand.

Of course, the upside to kelani.com being down is that the member could not google it and find out that there is no such thing.