Tech support = Magic

[mjkauffman.livejournal.com]

User Jane: "Well we had to get a whole new hard drive mother thing and when we installed the program again it didn't work right."
Me: "Well the program you're running is several years old. We'll need to reinstall version 2.0 - we sent you a disk with version 2.0 on it a few months ago. Can you go find that for me?"
User Jane: *halfheartedly shuffles some things around "I don't see that anywhere, do we have to install it?"
Me: "Unfortunately, ma'am yes. The old version you're using only works with our servers about 50% of the time and we're not supposed to support it at all anymore. If we just install 2.0 then it will almost certainly solve all your problems."
User Jane: *more shuffling* "Can't you just install it on my computer from where you are?"
Me: ...
Me: *sweetly* "No ma'am, it's impossible for me to install a program on your computer from here."
User Jane: "Well.... I'll just see if it works again tomorrow, ok?"
Me: "Ma'am--"
User Jane: *hangs up*

(Yes, ok, technically if I somehow had remote access to her computer, but she'd still need the disk.)

And then of course, once every few weeks we get, "So can you see me through the computer screen?"

One of these days I should just say, "We sure can! Your hair looks lovely today, by the way."

Comments

[tmercenary.livejournal.com]

I work for a banking institution, and phone techs get the "Can you see my screen?" question once in awhile.
my co-worker always replies, "No, move your head a little to the left."

These freaks out the bank tellers, because there are security cameras right behind them in the branches.

[c0c0c0.livejournal.com]

I always tell them that they are wearing a nice shirt... I had that backfire on me one day and was told she was naked...

[mjkauffman.livejournal.com]

Haha, well I'm dealing with people in offices at work. I hope they're not naked at work, but you never know.

[c0c0c0.livejournal.com]

Don't wear your clothes at work day!

[jecook]

Yep. Casual day has gone too far.

Frankly, I'd pluck my eyes out if that happened at my place of work.

Either that, or I'd be curled up in a fetal position in my locked office...

[fnordx.livejournal.com]

"Yes, actually, we can see and hear EVERYTHING you do while in front of the computer... EVERYTHING."

[fragbert.livejournal.com]

I've alluded to that on a few calls. It's a wonderful way to get the user to go belly-up when needed.

[prozacnation.livejournal.com]

I had a tech support chat the other day where the woman kept asking me, after she did something, "can you see it?"

I must've said 5-10 times: "No I apologize. I do not have access to your computer."

At the end of the chat, she said she was the computer expert in the house.

O.o