(no subject)

[liakela.livejournal.com]

Sorry if this has been posted before, but -- wait, no I'm not.

Suffer through it at my expense!

Things You Don't Want To Hear From Technical Support

1. "Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"

2. "That's right, not even McGyver could fix it."

3. "So -- what are you wearing?"

4. "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"

5. "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilithium crystals, Cap'n."

6. "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."

7. "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery."

8. "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."

9. "Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"

10. "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."

11. "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."

Comments

[optimistprime.livejournal.com]

3. "So -- what are you wearing?"

I've never been asked that, but I have been told I have a great voice, asked how old I am, if I was married, what I look like and a whole bunch of other "out there" kind of questions by a tech support guy while waiting for my server to reboot for the umpteenth time. Told my boss not to expect me to call that particular vendor's helpdesk again.

So.... Old

[jeffreycornish.livejournal.com]

Man, I remember that from top 10 list... how many years ago?

[twitchfetish.livejournal.com]

ganked from www.strangecosmos.com ?

got that in my mailing list from them a few days ago :)

IV

[xdownfornowx.livejournal.com]

guilty of number 4.

[ravenshrinkery.livejournal.com]

I've actually done number 1, except I asked if they had a chainsaw :).

[ravenshrinkery.livejournal.com]

Also, regarding #11... I've had customers call us with obvious pirated copies (my buddy burned it for me, for instance). In my nicest, most helpful voice I refer them to MS's technical support. Absolutely unassuming, it's just not our OS, call them for help, which is correct per our policies. I'm sure they rake them over the coals for it :).

[110billion.livejournal.com]

Number two is next on my list.

[linkslut.livejournal.com]

Heh, I used something close to number one today. i told a customer they would need a hammer.

[jecook]

I use #1 pretty often, usually to fix complaints about the machines being slow. (I can't do anything about it, the machines are P2 350s from the Bronze age. They _are_ on the list of machines the IT department will nuke first, but still...)

I've also used this line too:

"Well, a [fire axe|sledgehammer] will solve that problem pretty quickly, but there will be some data loss."

[grayhawkfh.livejournal.com]

I *so* wanna use #11...

ME: "Mooooooom! fragbert is hitting me"

danicia: Do I have to separate you two boys?

[lessapartment.livejournal.com]

#10 LMAO!