Best Phone Button EVER

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

You can put a new button on your phone. What does it do?

I just wish I had a button to deal with people who don't listen to the recorded list of known outages, and clog up the incoming lines.

Stabbing this button would send these types of callers straight to Boring Computer Voice Limbo, where cheerful computer voices tell them that yes, $problem-of-the-moment IS occurring, and is being looked into. No matter what buttons they pressed, they'd never be able to get through to a human.

Additionally, track their phone number so any further calls will get punted directly back into BCVL unless that number has made no further attempts to call in for a period of one hour.

Then there's the one that does something similar for people calling the wrong number. Autopunt to a PABX which repeatedly drones "You have called the wrong number. This is $companyname on $number. Please hang up and phone the correct number instead." Fancier versions could list a couple of favorite alternative people/groups/companies to call, but not give the actual numbers.

It's all about not wasting our time.

Comments

[thecrazyfinn.livejournal.com]

I just want the one that provides a large electric shock to the idjit lUser.

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

At my last job I was able to put the mic to the phone jack to generate feedback. unfortunetly that won't work on my phone here. :(

[madd-trinity.livejournal.com]

I agree.

[ravenshrinkery.livejournal.com]

I would like a button to use anytime a customer threatens to sue us. This button would transfer them to someone that could help them professionally - and I don't mean legal counsel :).

But... you're implying they're crazy - they'll sue!

[yduras.livejournal.com]

The vast majority of my customers are lawyers. They sound silly when they threaten to sue, too.

[tadiera.livejournal.com]

We had a realtor claim we were costing him TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS OMGWTFBBQ because he was down for a couple of days and was going to sue us.

The floor got a good laugh. We had to take it seriously, sorta, but... man, c'mon, a realtor, using us, being cost /trillions/? I'm suprised he didn't say 'You just cost me a gazillion dollars yesterday!'. :P

[mtlchick.livejournal.com]

I work for a huge ISP and the benefit is that we offer a managed service. If someone wants to whine about losing millions..."Sir I can see you're on a residnetial plan. Considering the worth of your buisness, perhaps you should consider a managed service (with guaranteed up time)." "Yeah, I want that." "Great, the service starts at $400 a month." "But that's too much." "Sir, you just told me you make millions of dollars an hour...."

[tadiera.livejournal.com]

Haha. Pretty much.

"Two days until you can roll a truck out!? But I run a business here!"

"Sir, perhaps you should consider our business plan..."

"... I'll wait."

[110billion.livejournal.com]

I wish our corporate customers on residential plans would all die.
Or go onto corporate plans, which are the same, but get answered by our corporate team.
There's always some crap with our corp-res (as I call them) customers. It's usually them. :)

[ravenshrinkery.livejournal.com]

Yeah, then there's the ones that piss me off saying we're costing their business thousands of dollars and have never thought about any sort of redundancy. Ya know, a backup system is a very small price to pay for avoiding that possibility.

That got inspired by a customer who in very disconnected pieces claimed her computer was responsible for thousands of dollars of credit card fraud and that somebody had rewritten her pressed System Restore CD's. Said she had called the Secret Service and the Attorney General too and that they were going to sue us. I normally don't bitch about these because these are all too common.

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

That person needs a visit from the MIW (men in white).

I loved when I worked at dell, as soon as they threatened to sue I had to end the call and give the corp info.

[starblazr.livejournal.com]

I also read that once you threatened you lost all support options too?

[ravenshrinkery.livejournal.com]

Going to inquire deeper as to this one. It would sure be handy if this would give me the right to dump them, but this is the paradox of big box manufacturer support - we don't support most of the crap, but that which we do we must do it with a fervency only India could ever attempt.

(Ignore the skill, just the eager beaver nature :).