(no subject)

[the-paco.livejournal.com]

Ahhh! 200 calls in que! Work! *outage notification currently running before cx hears the horrid horrid hold music: "Email experiencing latency, yes we know you can't get to it, please fuck off and die"(sorta)*
Call One: Email.
Call 2: email.
Call 3: ... email.
Call 4: "Are you experiencing a problem with the email?"
Call 5: "I'm very important, I want my email!"
Call 6: "Obviously it doesn't apply to me because I WANT MY EMAIL!"
...
Call 45: "EMAIL! NOW! ME! GIVE! FIX!"
...
Call 187: "I'm commiting suicide without my email!!!"
...
Call 666: "I can't get my email and it's very cold down here!"

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Comments

[linguafranca.livejournal.com]

Call 741: I RUN A BUSINESS! FIX MY EMAIL YOU @#$*&%!!

[darkblade1.livejournal.com]

Call 1002: What do you mean the email is broken?! #%&*#! I need to have my email today! I run a business out of my home!

You know what I don't care what you do, I don't have access over the mail server...and boo hoo, you might actually have to use the telephone today.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Whiners.

[das-prompt.livejournal.com]

Yeah. It's always "I'm losing a million dollars a day!"

I'm always tempted to ask why in the hell they'd run a million-dollar-a-day business on a $49 residential package.

[zercool.livejournal.com]

I'm always tempted to ask why in the hell they'd run a million-dollar-a-day business on a $49 residential package.

Back In The Day (tm), when I did ISP support, if someone pulled a line like that on me, I'd say something like, "Oh, I'm sorry sir, we had you listed as a home user. I'll update your account to a business rate and accounting will send you a bill for past-due fees."

[methedras.livejournal.com]

I have asked that question, plenty of times.

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

$49? ouch, you're milking them big time.

dsl is like $30 canadian.

[invader-kitty.livejournal.com]

I snapped at a customer once who used the 'I run a business' line on me. I responded with "Oh, I'm so sorry, Sir! I didn't realise that you ran a business, let me just press my magical 'Customer runs a business' button and your connection and email will be back up and running in half a second and we can sit back and laugh at all the other people who are affected by this outage who didnt call up to inform me that they deserve the impossible being done for them!' He shut up pretty quickly after that.

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

LMAO... I have to remember that one.

[tadiera.livejournal.com]

Or the calls like:
"I know you're experiencing outage in A area, but my connection isn't working and I'm in Z area... is it affecting me?"

..... "No."

(A and Z used to signify HOW FAR APART THEY ARE!)

[jecook]

I feel your pain.

There were evenings when I was providing after hours phone support for one of our clients (who provided high speed internet to apartments in several states) where when we had an outage and I changed the message, I'd still get flooded.

The fun part was the people who called in and said that they were losing $XXX because of it. They never bothered to read the Terms and Conditions which stated that it was a residential service, and that we do not guarantee 100% uptime. Gave me a little smile.

[solradia.livejournal.com]

That's about the time I start the call going "insert generic greeting here" Are you calling about e-mail? It is down right now. Was there anything else?

hehe

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

I miss doing internet support. No more outages on the queue I do now (hardware support). Outages were great for handle times.

Then I loved the people that would insist there was an outage when the queue was black. Nooo, the problem is with your system as a) I can get your mail and b) there aren't 50,000 people on hold.

As for the people that threaten us about them losing money I found saying "Oh, you're signed up for a residential account, not a business account, I need to transfer you to billing so they can change your account status" shut them up really quick. Specially when they would ask if the service would be any different and I'd tell them it was the same service with higher business service charges.

me too?

[normal1.livejournal.com]

The best part is when they tell you "Yeah I just heard that e-mail is down for the whole state, would that be why I can't retrieve any e-mail?" -- Hmm.. let me think hard on that one... YES!?

[abstrak-tokatl.livejournal.com]

call 1n^x+1: "but i can get to yahoo!"

[katyism.livejournal.com]

Yeah the notices we put on our phone lines during an outage have the same effect on callers: none

message: "Thank you for calling Indiana University Tech Support. All residence hall users are currently experiencing network downtime and system administrators are addressing the problem. If you have a separate issue, please press 1 for the next consultant."
customer: 1!!!
me: "Thank you for calling tech support..."
customer: OMG is the internet down in my dorm??? *MY* dorm??

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

That's where you need the other choice.

"If you're having EMAIL PROBLEMS (pause for this to sink in), press 1. (LONG pause before all other options given).

Pressing 1 gives them another recorded message saying email is down. Maybe with the techs singing "Email, everyone's email is dow-own, no-one can get email, all over tow-own, it's Broken and Busted and totally Stuffed, we're trying to fix it, the going is tough..." in six-part harmony. Afterwards, they get "Press 1 to be told that we know your email's broken, and we are trying to fix it."

[prozacnation.livejournal.com]

"I can't get my email!!! I'm very important! I have a business to run! Millions of dollars are being lost on this CHEAP service! I'm getting an error message and I can't get them!"

"What do you use to get your emails from?"

"You."

O.o

I wish my ISP had messages like that

[yduras.livejournal.com]

I used to have fun conversations with the techs...

me: Hi, you're having an outage aren't you?
tech: what?
me: It took over half an hour to get through. You guys are much faster than that, unless you're drowing in calls from people like me wanting to know why their access is down.
tech: oh, well, yeah, we are having an outage.
me: Ok, just one question then - should I try again in a couple of hours, or just wait until tomorrow.
tech: they swear they're working on it, but between you and me, wait until morning.
me: ok. thats all I need. thanks.