(no subject)

[the-paco.livejournal.com]

"Why? Why? Why?"
What are these people, fucking two year olds? Buddy, when I tell you to move your modem to a different phone jack, don't question me, fucking DO IT. You already know WHY deep in the back of your little misfiring brain, and I'll lay it out here one last time for your simian ass:

Because I'm the one who did this shit for fun in high school and college while you were binge drinking, and it's time for you to pay.

Because you called ME, bitch!

Because if you were really this inquisitive and willing to learn, you would be rightfully embarrassed to be calling me, and you would realize you would be able to learn more without hearing condescending and patronizing tones! You would know how to fucking read, and you wouldn't ask shit! You would get online where all the wealth of knowledge in the WORLD is stored (you know, all that wordy stuff between your porn sites of people shitting on each other) and fucking LEARN.

Because I already know explaining shit to you is worthless because you've pronounced the modem manufacturer name (which is Westell) as "Westfall", "Westle", "West-something*giggle*", or "West-All", and the router (which is Linksys) as "Linkskeez", "Link-Ess-Why-Ess", "Linkeez", or "That blue thingy". You're an illiterate fuck, and I don't want to talk to you any more than necessary!

Because I don't like having to teach a monkey new and exciting ways to fuck a football.

Because there are only so many ways I can reduce simple instructions to monosyllabic grunts, and I'm not in the mood to try the same with an explanation of how 802.11g works.

Because I can't explain the stupidly simple to you when a thousand years of Darwinism is screaming in my head to tell you to stand in your bathtub with your computer and turn on the shower. The less you speak, the less I want to see you and everything you represent die. For you are my neighbors, my leaders, a few of my coworkers, and most everyone within 50 yards of a public high school during school hours. You're an idiot protected by a well-meaning system helping us breed the downfall of my country by protecting idiocy, illiteracy, and asshattery.

Because I fear deep in my heart that for other subjects I am just. Like. You. And that thought makes me want to get a vasectomy. I realize that your idiocy is the reason several intelligent people I know are refusing to breed. You're beating us simply by being you and breeding more like (and worse) than you.

And I weep for the species.

Comments

[docskurlock.livejournal.com]

Hahhaha. It's sooo true. All of it. This is the best read I've had in awhile. I don't think I've heard the link-s-why-s though. One of my clients did say, "the black thing." I usually do have to break it down potatohead style. Which color thing are you talking about? Are the lights on on the "insert color here." Higher educated my ass.

[sean-langley.livejournal.com]

Heh. I have oddly enough had to refer to a Linksys router/cable modem as "the blue thing with all the blinking green and yellow lights" on occasion. Mostly to people like my mother. It seems to get the point across well enough. :)

[tjernobyl.livejournal.com]

Lucky you get so much detail! I often find some that have trouble describing it as anything other than "the box"

[celyste.livejournal.com]

That's dangerous. Everytime I go that simple they start fiddling with the computer.

[tjernobyl.livejournal.com]

Oh. They call that the "hard drive" for some reason. Always. I wonder who's teaching 'em that...

[azurelunatic]

Or the CPU. *wince*

[loopychew.livejournal.com]

Well, if you're going literal, I could see the computer itself being called the CPU. After all, that's where all the processing's going on, right? :P

[vvalkyri.livejournal.com]

Hey, I sometimes have to resort to calling it "The Brain" in order to get my point across, and even then it's an even bet as to whether that or the monitor's power will be hit when I need someone to turn it all the way off.

"Okay, we've let it go long enough. Turn it back on. . . . What's it saying? "

(wanting to know if we have a BSOD again)

"It is now safe to turn off the computer."

:cries:

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

Amen brother.

[darkblade1.livejournal.com]

I was going to go on a rant just like this, but he took it. For that I thank you. I can't tell you how many times I've just wanted to scream this.

Still better than "this guy"....

[coyoteden.livejournal.com]

One of my former customers would giggle every time he heard the acronym "DSL" because he was convinced it traditionally stood for "D*ck Sucking Lips".

He also found it prudent to point this fact out every time someone mentioned DSL.

Re: Still better than "this guy"....

[dmsalem00.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that Anglina Jolie..She's got DSL. BROADBAND DSL...

omg

[randomlyerratic.livejournal.com]

I love you!!! Dude you're extrememly eloquent with your words. Very incisive and insightful. You have explained to the world, how I feel. :)

Hmm...

[rileydag.livejournal.com]

"Because I don't like having to teach a monkey new and exciting ways to fuck a football."

That evokes such an interesting visual.

:-P

[erulogos.livejournal.com]

Congratulations! You have ended up in metaquotes!

-={(Erulogos)}=-

[lotusx.livejournal.com]

Thank you. And as an added bonus, I now have a new favorite phrase: Because I don't like having to teach a monkey new and exciting ways to fuck a football. heh.

Laughing

[easy2contact.livejournal.com]

Paco,

You funny funny person. I am a helpdesk supervisor myself and I suffer with the same kind of idoits as yourself. I had one chap come on the phone to me screaming and shouting saying how my companys apps were sh*t and how the support was the worst he has ever had. Once the chap had finished his rant I asked what happened when he clicked on the icon for our app. He said he couldnt tell me because his internal IT chap had removed the server and no one could get on to the system. Once I explained the way a server holds the info and he his PC was just a client he went all quite and said "I will speak to my IT chap and come back to you if I have any other problems".

I never heard from him again, lol.

Re: Laughing

[shibbychic.livejournal.com]

Yes, that's it. I did tech support for Comcast HSI for over a year and all I can say is, yes. That is it, totally it.

[outtamyskull.livejournal.com]

Oy...

I work sales, where there is no way to disguise my naked disgust for people...

You have my sympathy.

[sidial.livejournal.com]

I had a lady call once, during and just after a storm. Her power was out. She was calling on a cell phone because her phone lines were down, as well. The power came on about half way through the call, the whole time of which I had been attempting to persuade her to call both the power company and her telephone company instead of us (her ISP). Took me another hour, to convince her to get off the cell phone with me and call her telephone company. Her reasoning was is that we had shut the power and phones off because she had been dialed in when they went out. *sigh*

Another favorite line of mine: "Do I have to have a phone line in order to use dial-up?"

No, moron. If you stick your tongue into the power socket on the wall, the problem will be solved.

[buckaction.livejournal.com]

my customer's always consistantly pronounced it "Lin-Skee" for some godawful reason.

"You mean ~Linksys~ right?"

Luser "Yeah that's what I said, Lin-skee"


sigh... head meet desk, you two place nice :)

[hikahi.livejournal.com]

Belatedly in here from metaquotes. I do tech support, and I must say, you inspired me. *grins*

(http://www.imageshack.us)

Feel free to use it if you're so inclined :)

[the-paco.livejournal.com]

Kick ass. I like. Nice Aeon Flux icon too.