April Fool's

[katyism.livejournal.com]

Now that I have my very first job in a tech support call center, I'm thinking about how to celebrate April Fool's day with my job. I'd like to call in and play stupid annoying luser with easy question that just can't be solved because the luser is too stupid. And the "problem" I'm calling about should be the kind that will make them burst out laughing after the call is over.

The problem is I can't think of a stupid enough problem that's also hilarious. I had one idea, which I nicked from a post about stupid callers I saw somewhere, to call and say "Hi I'm an old lady typing her very first e-mail, but I can't find the @ sign... I've typed the 'a' but I can't figure out how to make the circle go around it."

Any better ideas, ones that would keep my coworker on the phone for at least 10 minutes? I can act the part of stupid once I have the context, but so far I can't think of a silly enough luser problem to call about.

Comments

ooooooooh i know a good one!

[fuego.livejournal.com]

one of my coworkers just told me about osmeone calling with this actual issue...


customer wanted the person to sit and explain the function of EVERY KEY ON THEY KEYBOARD...combine that with "just learning how to type" and you've got yourself a legend in the making

[greeklady.livejournal.com]

Just wait one month. You will get such unrealistic calls, you will have your forehead bruised from all the face palming. I kid you not.

[katyism.livejournal.com]

I've been there a few months, but most of the frustrating calls were just too long to remember for entertainment value.

[greeklady.livejournal.com]

You can always act like you don't know how to right click on your mouse. That was my most frustrating call that I remember.

[linguafranca.livejournal.com]

How about something like the following exchange (ganked from http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/cs_modems.shtml)?

# Customer: "I'm having trouble receiving my email."
# Tech Support: "What email client are you using?"
# Customer: "Email client?"
# Tech Support: "Yes, the program that you use to get your email."
# Customer: "Program?"
# Tech Support: "Yes, program...what operating system are you on?"
# Customer: "Operating system?"
# Tech Support: "Yes, operating system...do you see a start button in the bottom left hand corner?"
# Customer: "Bottom left hand corner of what?"
# Tech Support: (agitated) "Of the SCREEN."
# Customer: "What screen?"
# Tech Support: (about to die) "The screen, the monitor, the thing in front of you that looks like a TV."
# Customer: "Oh, I don't have one of those."
# Tech Support: (recomposing himself) "What kind of computer do you have, sir?"
# Customer: "Computer? I don't have one of them things."
# Tech Support: "What DO you have?"
# Customer: (proudly) "A modem."
# Tech Support: "Sir. You need a computer to send and receive email. A modem won't work by itself."
# Customer: "Well, dammit...I have a modem, and the guy at Best Buy said this was all I'd need to get online! I want to cancel my account! I'm not spending no damn two thousand dollars on a computer!"

[highaltitude.livejournal.com]

That is hillarious. Love it.

[mg4h.livejournal.com]

The worst one I had can be summed up in the final query of the user:

"You mean the power has to be on to read my email?"

The entire wing of that building had no power. I finally figured it out when she said it was a bit dark, then mentioned that the overhead lights didn't work.

Oy.

It took a good 10 minutes to get there - we went through computer-isn't-working to check-network-cables to check-power-strip before we got to it's-too-dark.

[reynardo.livejournal.com]

I had a friend call another ISP - alas, the CSR (another friend) had just had a hard day and was not amused, but generally not a bad one:

"I'd like to complain about my bill. (quotes figures) (quotes username - anything strange will do). It's this idiot AnISP bill. You're not AnISP? You're AnotherISP? But you're all the same, and I'm not happy and it's my right to complain...." (extend as per normal.)

[twitchfetish.livejournal.com]

most painful recent one can be summed up in one quote:

Me: "please save the file to your desktop"
UFH: "i cannot do that"
Me: "why not? just press save as, and choose desktop"
UFH: "i can't do that. i'm using a laptop, not a desktop."

seriously...

IV

[ladynisa.livejournal.com]

Call in saying you have an inferiority complex, and that you can ONLY speak with other women with less self esteem than you, and they must also have a smaller uterus than you. Proceed to give made up uterus dimensions. :)

[random-c.livejournal.com]

Techtales.com. Lots of them there. This, however, is my personal favourite. The Bad Command Or Filename Key Man (http://www.techtales.com/ttales1202.html#tale18)
Why do that to your coworkers, though?

[katyism.livejournal.com]

This is the same office that filled my boss's cubicle to the brim with styrofoam peanuts on his 30th birthday... we can handle it :)