Updating My List Of Tech Support Laws

[dpaul007.livejournal.com]

Doug's Law #322 Of Phone-Based Tech Support:
No one who has a normal speaking voice *ever* uses a speakerphone. The only users who use speakerphones either have booming, overbearing voices that override your feeble attempts to get a word in edgewise, or have tiny fairy-voices that require the client to repeat everything at least three times.

Doug's Law #322-a Of Phone-Based Tech Support:
A fairy-voiced user will spontaneously change to the booming-voice type after being asked for the 6th time to repeat themselves.

Comments

[said-by-me.livejournal.com]

its worse when they leave their cell phone next to the speakerphone mic and it rings. I think that might actually warrant workers comp.

[thatvoiceguy.livejournal.com]

My favorite? Calling our desk while on speakerphone, then picking up the handset when you answer.

That sharp click of plastic stabs my ears in the middle of the greeting, and they could care less...

[caitriona27.livejournal.com]

Or they have a second person in the room on the OTHER SIDE of the room with whom they really want you to converse with. But you can't since you can't hear them and they can't hear you.

There are also the speaker phones the the mic doesn't enable until a sound has been emitted so you lose every first syllable of a sentence...

[dpaul007.livejournal.com]

"...you lose every first syllable of a sentence..."

Oh.
My.
GODS.

Don't make me pull THAT sopabox out, gorgeous.

[caitriona27.livejournal.com]

If you do, you can pass the soapbox this way once you are done.

[liakela.livejournal.com]

What I get usually goes like this:

"You want me to unplug the cable modem and the router? Well... hmm. It's under my desk, and behind 15 years worth of back-issue Vanity Fairs, and that's where we keep the diaper genie. But.. for you, I'll sacrifice. *grunt* *thud* *more grunting* Oh.. I have to get on my knees now, I hope you're happy. *grunting and HEAVY breathing into my delicate ears* Oh look, I just (a. broke a nail; b. wripped my pants; c. found the (insert lost item) that I've been looking for since 1988).

And on and on and on.

Yes. Please, put the phone down.

[prozacnation.livejournal.com]

I hate speakerphones with a passion.

I had one woman yell at me because she couldn't get her mail through OE because of OUR servers.

Our servers were working fine. She was using windows 98 and OE kept locking up.

Of course it's our fault she has an old computer.

She wanted to know where to turn in her cable modem box so she could go back to AOhell.

Good riddance.