I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes

[coyoteden.livejournal.com]

Of all the sci-fi references you could possibly make in the computer support field, I find I can quote Spaceballs more than anything.

If that reflects the state of the technology, that's scary.

I've used the topic quip on more than one occasion, usually after being put on hold when calling a vendor, wading thru a million phone menus, and being transferred to the wrong department.

When hardware fails: I've lost the bleeps, I've lost the sweeps, and I've lost the creeps.
...if it's been flaky and gets worse: She's gone from suck to blow.
and if it's brand new, shiny!™ and totally, completely DOA, you guessed it: FUCK! Even in the future nothing works

Naturally, there are lusers, and they set luser passwords. Something along the lines of 1...2...3...4...5... at which time I inform them that's the same combination I have on my luggage.

Once I was seated at a server trying to push changes out to the workstations. It didn't work. After 15 minutes of dicking around I realized it was simply not going to work, stood up, delivered the perfect "Forget it, forget it, no more beaming. This time I’m going to walk!" and went next door to the workstations. (and the customers actually got the reference!)

There is one quote I love that's not from Spaceballs, it's from possibly the worst episode of Star Trek made, and I'd love to see it on a poster for the helpdesk: He's worse than dead, his brain's missing!

Comments

[loosechanj.livejournal.com]

"Why didn't somebody tell me my ass was this big?!?"

More...

[nightskywarlock.livejournal.com]

When an upgrade backfires: "I'll give your daughter back... her original nose!!"

If a customer complains to your boss: "What?! You went over my helmet?!"

While overclocking or simply starting up a bleeding edge system: "LUDICROUS SPEED! GOOOOO!!"

After a raise or a really big payday: "We're not in it for the money! We're in it for a shitload of money!!"

If someone makes a lame 'in Soviet Russia' joke: "Right. And then Pizza's gonna send out for you!"

If you catch a cow orker checking out net porn: "No, sir. I didn't see you playing with your dolls again!"

If the wireless 'net dies: "Sir! The radar, sir! it appears to be... jammed!"

If a cow orker pulls a really stupid move: "Who made that man a gunner?"

Waiting for an install to finish: "When will then be now? (Soon.) How soon?"

Doing a virus/ad-aware scan: "We were told to comb the desert, so we're combing it!"

When it comes up negative: "We ain't found shit!"

When someone who should have had more clue infects themselves: "That's why evil will always triumph: because good is dumb!"

When it's all over and you can grab a beer: "Ahh... liquid schwartz!"

I'm sure there's a few more to be gleaned, but I'd have to rewatch the movie.

[wildkard.livejournal.com]

I'm the only person on the planet who thinks that
"This ship is too big! If I walked, the movie would be over"
is the single funniest spaceball quote ever.

[bottleopener.livejournal.com]

When you have to go onsite and fix multple pc's because some asshole decides to share his favorite virus infested joke-of-the-day: " How many assholes do we have here anyway?" " YO! "