techrecovery | Oct. 15th, 2011

(Previously. Recap: University sysadmin.)

Refer to my office as the 'holding cell'.
Remove the world-executable bit from /bin/rm, because "the users can't be trusted to use it safely."
Demonstrate my dominion over the undergraduate lab by scripting all of the lab machines to sequentially eject and withdraw their CD drive trays in a continuous mexican wave.
Update the service status page to enumerate the current functional levels of the system administrators.
... particularly listing your own status as "low voltage on +5 line, supply more coffee."
Reconfigure printers to display as their low-toner message NEED MORE POWDERED CHOCOLATE.
... or have them display the message OM NOM PAPER when loading from the extended magazine.
... never, ever configure the printers to display the message JUDGING YOU at any time. One of the secretaries had to be restrained from beating their office photocopier to death with their shoe.
The correct sequence of steps of making a presentation is not, "1: Insert foot in mouth. 2: Aim gun at foot. 3: Fire." Kindly remove this text from the "Helpful advice to undergraduates" wiki-page.
Maintain and/or distribute fortunes files containing quotes from University lecturers.
Add Aerial Faith Plate markings to the floor-tiles in the machine-room.
... or label individual lecture theatres and labs with test-chamber glyphs.
... or, in any other way, indicate to the student population that cake may be found in the College tutor's offices.
I am permitted, nay encouraged, to study the Canons of Effective and Ethical Systems Adminstration. The study of cannons, however, is strongly contraindicated.