Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Work, Part 8

[delta_mike]

(Previously. Recap: University sysadmin.)

• Refer to my office as the 'holding cell'.
• Remove the world-executable bit from /bin/rm, because "the users can't be trusted to use it safely."
• Demonstrate my dominion over the undergraduate lab by scripting all of the lab machines to sequentially eject and withdraw their CD drive trays in a continuous mexican wave.
• Update the service status page to enumerate the current functional levels of the system administrators.
• ... particularly listing your own status as "low voltage on +5 line, supply more coffee."
• Reconfigure printers to display as their low-toner message NEED MORE POWDERED CHOCOLATE.
• ... or have them display the message OM NOM PAPER when loading from the extended magazine.
• ... never, ever configure the printers to display the message JUDGING YOU at any time. One of the secretaries had to be restrained from beating their office photocopier to death with their shoe.
• The correct sequence of steps of making a presentation is not, "1: Insert foot in mouth. 2: Aim gun at foot. 3: Fire." Kindly remove this text from the "Helpful advice to undergraduates" wiki-page.
• Maintain and/or distribute fortunes files containing quotes from University lecturers.
• Add Aerial Faith Plate markings to the floor-tiles in the machine-room.
• ... or label individual lecture theatres and labs with test-chamber glyphs.
• ... or, in any other way, indicate to the student population that cake may be found in the College tutor's offices.
• I am permitted, nay encouraged, to study the Canons of Effective and Ethical Systems Adminstration. The study of cannons, however, is strongly contraindicated.

(Continued!)

Comments

[lights.livejournal.com]

1. You remind me so much of my friend Doug, who listed his shift goal at a food service job as, "To conquer small European countries." This makes you awesome.

2. If my printer ever said "judging you," I'd marry it. And the person who configured it. (It's not polygamy if one third of the relationship is inanimate, right?)

[pne.livejournal.com]

What's the significance of "judging you"? I'm guessing it's a reference to something I haven't come across but (perhaps) should have?

[torkell]

Demonstrate my dominion over the undergraduate lab by scripting all of the lab machines to sequentially eject and withdraw their CD drive trays in a continuous mexican wave.
I have been tempted to do this with the UID lights on the servers in the lab.

Reconfigure printers to display as their low-toner message NEED MORE POWDERED CHOCOLATE.
"INSERT 10P TO CONTINUE" is also prohibited. While we like your innovative approach to ensuring the ITS department is fully funded, the printer vents are not designed to take coins.

Maintain and/or distribute fortunes files containing quotes from University lecturers.
On one linux box, fortune decided to print "You'll be sorry!" when I logged in as root.

[talonvaki.livejournal.com]

OM NOM PAPER

LOL oh, I wish my printer would say that!

[jecook]

If you have a machine on your network that will run perl, there is a script out there that you can run against most networked HP printers (with a display, obviously) to change their 'idle' message.

I *almost* got away with running it at work too, but some of the techs apparently don't have a sense of humor. :)

There's always april fool's day, though... muhahahahaha

[jecook]

... or label individual lecture theatres and labs with test-chamber glyphs.

OH GODS, I must do this to the test lab at work. And maybe the data center as well. For Halloween (and science)

[delta_mike]

I have an SVG if you would like to borrow it.

[japester.livejournal.com]

and you have not published it already, why?

Please! may I have a copy as well?

[delta_mike]

It had my University's logo on it. I had to hack it off first.

[jecook]

YES please.

[delta_mike]

SVG: https://www.dropbox.com/s/3v06q9k4kmzy0j4/testchamber-101.svg
Font: Zurich Light Condensed http://www.font-zone.com/download.php?fid=1505 (and friends)

[laina-inverse.livejournal.com]

Omnom Paper! Ahahahah! I'd be laughing too hard to use the printer if that ever popped up for me!

[gracewing.livejournal.com]

Almost makes me want to be a horrible undergrad again just so I can see these tricks first hand...

:P

[delta_mike]

I don't necessarily do all of these things..

... but I'm thinking it.

[dave-iii.livejournal.com]

Can the "Judging You" one be used in a screen saver, instead?

[taleya.livejournal.com]

Add Aerial Faith Plate markings to the floor-tiles in the machine-room.

BRB, looking for paint.

[siliconshaman.livejournal.com]

"Demonstrate my dominion over the undergraduate lab by scripting all of the lab machines to sequentially eject and withdraw their CD drive trays in a continuous mexican wave."

Dude, that's awesome! And that beats getting all the CNC machines to play 'La Cucaracha'.

[jamoche]

... or label individual lecture theatres and labs with test-chamber glyphs.

The conference rooms in my building are named after constellations. I really need to label them with Stargate glyphs.

[featheredfrog.livejournal.com]

inre 4,5 & 6

http://www.ancientpond.com/ljshen.html

[pauamma]

What about the study of trebuchets?